Be Proud!!

Not only did I talk to Luke today (no, Luke is not his real name) but I invited him to come play games with me and some friends and he said he'd like to come and gave me his number so I can call and remind him...I'm so high up in the clouds right now, its not even funny. More details later, I have to run!

FINALLY!

I did it. I talked to Luke today. He was sitting there waiting for class. He was talking to someone and there wasn't an open spot except right next to him (which would have been SUPER awkward) so I walked passed again and sent a text to Fort asking her why I am such a wimp because he's sitting right over there. She told me to get up and go talk to him. So, I couldn't just go sit by him, that would have been very forward and lame. So, I walked down the hall, got a drink and then when I came back I sat in the chair next to him that was now empty. He took out his headphones and talked to me! YAY!!!!!! We talked for just a couple minutes and then I had to go get stuff ready for class (I'm the class president and have to get people assigned for devotional and stuff, so I have to get there early) so, I went in to class and set my stuff down on a chair and Luke came and sat on the row behind me and over a seat. My teacher had asked him and a girl from our class to read an article and then lead the class in a discussion on it. I was so impressed with Luke. He is an amazing guy. AND, he's older than me, which is awesome. I feel like all the guys I meet lately are younger than me...or married.
I'm tired of feeling old. I'm only 24! I shouldn't be feeling old yet! Yet, I look around all my classes in school and see all these 18 and 19 year olds and feel really old. I really didn't ever think I'd still be single at 24. Actually, according to my 10 year plan I started about 10 years ago, I was supposed to get married at 24. I have a few months still...ha ha ha...and my friend Lisa did have that dream last year...ha ha ha, just kidding. My mom would KILL me if I got married in the winter. She told me that  I'm supposed to get married in the spring/summer so I can have an outdoor reception in the backyard, which I think would be fabulous, if things work out that way. I don't know...all I really do know is that the Lord is preparing some guy for me that will be exactly what I need. I just have to remember to be patient and wait for him. It will happen exactly when its supposed to.

Thoughts for the Sabbath

First of all, I read this post today, and it made me cry. In a good way. WOW. I came accross this blog when my friend Ashley actually posted about a necklace a good friend of hers had given her from The R House. I looked at the necklaces and fell in love with one that says "hope" on it which I now own, and somehow I came across the actual blog for this amazing family. I have been following it on google reader, which is funny because I don't ever remember adding it to my subscriptions, but there it is and it has been one of the most faith promoting reads I have had in a while.
I went to the temple with my sister in law the other day and it was such a sweet experience. On the way there we both had mentioned that we were super busy that week and had more than enough reasons to cancel the trip, but we both made it. And it was AMAZING. I LOVE the temple, and the spirit that is there. I learn something new each and every time I go. I need to go more often. The Lord is truly there and hears and answers our prayers. I have had many things pressing on my mind and I have asked very specifically for answers to situations and trials I am going through. I finally felt at peace and the worry and doubt that had been racing through my mind distilled and was erased. There was only peace in my heart and in my mind. I know the Lord is in control and will help us through our struggles. I am so grateful for that.
In Relief Society today we had a lesson on Pres. Uctdorf's conference address from this last general conference. Another WOW. I LOVE the part that says:
"No, God does not need us to love Him. But oh, how we need to love God!
For what we love determines what we seek.
What we seek determines what we think and do.
What we think and do determines who we are—and who we will become."
It has really made me stop and think about what my goals and aspirations are for this life. I want to be a published author, but why do I want to be a published author? Is it for recognition? So people will see how wonderful I am? Or is it to help others? To uplift them? Or is it just to tell a story? Lots to think about. Man, I love the gospel of Jesus Christ, it is so amazing to me!!!

Oh the randomness!

"I shot for the sky
I'm stuck on the ground
so why do I try?
I know I'm gonna fall down
I thought I could fly
so why did I drown?
I never know why
its comin' down down down"
-Jason Walker, "Down" 


I felt like sharing a few random facts about me:
1. I constantly have stories going through my head, like ALL THE TIME...in fact its rare if I'm not either thinking about a story I've either just seen or read; or a story I've just made up and am thinking about. This is how Jason Tyde came into existence.
2. I am such a night person but force myself to get up in the morning...its not so fun, but it pays the bills
3. I hate tests, but actually enjoy going to class. If I could go to school just to learn, I totally would go for the rest of my life.
4. I have a tendency to go through friends like kids go through candy. Not that I am a bad friend, I just find the interesting people that need help and then after a time we go our separate ways. I have very few best friends, but if you make it to best friend status, its kinda like you're there for life.
5. I often dream about North Carolina, and there are often people I've never met in my dreams. I think that dreams can mean things, but I don't think most of mine do.
6. I don't generally like Vampire stories, but made a special exception for Twilight and Vampire Diaries. I still have issues with both series, as I have previously mentioned...
7. I am a hopeless romantic to the core. I try to not let it come out too strong and gooey in my stories, but I think it still does. Something I'm working on.
8. My first draft is ALWAYS craptastically cheesy...that's pretty much a guarantee. I have to do a lot of rewriting, but I do love to see something come together and actually sound good.
9. I own 4 pairs of Dr. Marten shoes and am OCD about keeping all of them polished at all times.
10. I love music and am always looking for new bands, despite what my brother thinks/says...I do listen to music other than the Fray. I love the Fray and I go through phases were I listen to them more often than not...but they aren't the "be-all-end-all-most-amazing-band-the-world-has-ever-seen" awesome band. If you're looking for something new, I would recommend: Matt Nathanson, Meese, Jack's Mannequin, The Script, or Matt Kearny. Pretty good stuff. My brothers would say it is totally "Soozee music" but, I like soozee music, so I can't really complain now can I?

I hope you enjoyed these 10 random facts about me. If you feel like sharing 10 facts about you, feel free to do so!

(Insert something witty here)

What to blog about...what to blog about....hmm....my life is boring, but I comment on that daily, so that wouldn't be a very good post....I could talk about TV Shows..no, I talk about those 89% of the time. Hmmm...
Last week was fall break. YAY! It was nice, except I still worked lots of hours and had lots of things I needed to get done. I did say good bye to a good friend I had made over the summer. She went on her mission and I know she will be a great missionary. It was fun to hang out with her, and no joke a week before she left she got a proposal from a friend she had back in school! Ha ha ha, it was so funny when it happened. Any way, I got a letter from her a couple of days after she left and I remember now why I like having friends on missions, because I get to write letters, which I do generally enjoy. Someone to tell my random stories to that will enjoy them because they are far away and enjoy a piece of something from home.
     I went and saw Where the Wild Things Are...it was okay...I fell asleep in the theater if that tells you how interesting it was...ha ha ha. Yeah, it was okay. I don't think its a must see, and I wouldn't take children to go see it. The wild things are constantly talking about wanting to eat Max and I realize they are "wild things", but I don't remember them being liket that in the book. Another example of how trying to take a beloved 15 page childrens book and trying to turn it into a full length film isn't always the best idea. Another example: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button...LONG and really pretty BORING. But, we did watch The Brother's Bloom...yeah, I liked taht one. Its a con man movie with Mark Ruffalo (who has a cameo in Where the Wild Things Are) and Adrian Brody (I think that's his name...) and one of the chicks from Definitely Maybe, but I don't remember her name. I mean it's no Ocean's 11, but it was still worth watching.
     I have discovered a couple of new artists, thanks to the few hours of TV I watch a week (we all knew eventually I'd be talking about TV...) I heard a couple of songs on VD that I absolutely LOVED and then went and found them on itunes. I discovered that one of them, All We Are, is by Matt Nathanson and I listened to a couple other songs on his CD and realized I'd heard many of them, and was already in love with like half the CD. He's got a more mellow tone, but I like it. And the other song was Down by Jason Walker, and it was also on VD, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE this song. Its mellow too, almost a little meloncholie. I have put together a new playlist on my itunes and I've been going through all my music to put together a list that I can listen to when I write. I walk around campus with headphones in generally because I don't have a lot of time to sit down and think through what I need to write, so I think as I walk and then when I get a minute I pull out my notebook and scribble down the notes I've been thinking through all day long. It makes things flow a little bit easier. So yeah, I like finding new music that I can listen to while I think and write.

"Keep holding on,

'cause you know we'll make it through

we'll make it through

Just stay strong

'cause you know I'm here for you

I'm here for you

There's nothing you can say

Nothing you can do

There's no other way when it comes to the truth

so keep holding on

'cause you know we'll make it through,

make it through"

-Keep Holding On, The Cast of Glee

Have you ever heard of the new TV show in Fox called GLEE? Its like High School Musical on crack...no joke. It can be inappropriate at times, I'm not going to lie, but for the most part its pretty funny. I am rather impressed with the cast though. AMAZING singers, they do a few different songs each episode and on itunes you can actually download them. The show airs on Wednesday nights and they release the songs for each new episode the day before the show airs. So, I was wandering through the itunes store being bored and came accross this weeks songs and listened to the preview for "Keep Holding On" and fell in love with it and downloaded it. I haven't seen the episode yet, but it is so good! I LOVE this song! I needed it today...its a good reminder when I'm struggling which happens on occasion. Maybe I should keep holding on and pray that I might get another golden opportunity to talk to Luke....

I can't believe I just did that...or that I DIDN'T just do that....

So, I pray about EVERYTHING...for real. I've been praying about everything since before my mission, but it definitely became a daily routine on the mission. And why not? Doesn't God know everything? And don't we just need to ask for it? It was Monday night and I knew that I had class on Tuesday and that Luke would be in class and I really want to get to know him better. He just seems like one of those really awesome guys.So, I was praying and asked Heavenly Father to please give me the opportunity to talk to Luke and become better friends with him because I think he seems like a great guy.
   I went about my day as usual, not really thinking about talking to Luke, but I got to school and headed up to the Institute building. I was a few minutes early (which is usual for me) and I walked into the foyer close to my classroom and there he was. Luke, who is not usually that early, was sitting all by himself on one of the couches. FOR REAL. I mean if Heavenly Father had sent a choir of angels and a light from heaven to shine down on him, it couldn't have been more obvious. I saw him sitting there and knew, I KNEW this was a direct answer to my prayer. There was no question in my mind about that,  but then all these doubts started to creep in, and I didn't want to seem to forward, so I did not go sit by him...that's right, I chickened out! I am still kicking myself. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?!?!?! I can't even talk about it anymore, I am so dissapointed in myself...I'm going to go to bed and try to not think about it...

Vampire Diaries revisited

I felt the need to clarify after my last post about the new vampire show, Vampire Diaries. I mention Ian Somerhalder and although I think he's kinda funny on the show, I am not on the Team Damon bandwagon, I am most definitely Team Stefan...and lets be honest, if I had to choose between Jacob, Edward, Damon or Stefan... I would choose Stefan hands down. In the books he got a little annoying, just like Edward. There are 3 things I have been annoyed with in reading the two vampire series that I have. #1: If you're a vampire guy and you're going to date human girls, accept the fact that them being around you is going to cause trouble, and that eventually you're going to have to turn them into vampires, or drink their blood. Its just a fact. #2: Why are these guys so annoying when it comes to their girlfriends? I would go CRAZY if my boyfriend was that possesive of me. Yes, I realize they want to protect their girls, but ease up a little bit. You can't be there all the time, they're going to have to live a little bit even if their world does revolve around you! and finally #3, and one of my brother's backs me up on this point: I realize they are trying to make vampires good guys by having them not kill people to get blood, but it seems to me that for the most part it doesn't matter where the blood comes from, just so long as they drink it...have you ever heard of a blood bank? HELLO, just go steal some blood (. In both series, theft isn't the worst thing any of them do! And you can be sneaky about it. Then no human or animal has to die in the process, so really you're saving and protecting people's lives. But no, they always have to drink animal or peoples blood. I think its dumb. And now I'm done ranting about vampires and why I have issues with vampire books.

MY 100th POST!!!!

I let the music continue to play as I walked into class ignoring all the people as I walk past. I generally turn my music off before I walk into class, but it was a good song, "I can't wait for One Republic's new CD" I think to myself as I listen to the first single I have recently downloaded from itunes.I sit on the right hand side of the class, not my usual side of the room. I remember after a moment that I need to mark the role. I look back and who should be there, but Luke! Yes, I definitely need to go mark the role, like now...and maybe, just maybe I might actually have the courage to say hi to him or something...

Don't you feel just so special that I chose to share this special moment with you? You should! Ha ha ha, but this is actually going to be a quick post because I have to get to bed.
    Um, so school has been entertaining lately. I always sit in the same spot in one of my institute classes, and mix it up in the other one. This week in both classes I have sat by some of the cutest guys I have ever seen...EVER. No joke. AND, you should all be proud of me because I actually TALKED to them! YAY! The first couple of guys I talked to I have started to become friends with and one of them asked if I was going to the dance this friday night....remember my take on dances? If not, lets refresh your memory...ha ha ha...good times. But yeah, so I told him I don't generally go, but I was still thinking about it and then I got 2 wristbands to get in (because there is no way on this green earth that I will set foot into that gym alone) and left class. Then, today I went to my other institute class and sat in a place I hadn't sat in a while and then remembered I needed to go mark the role, so I get up and have to wait for this other guy to mark the role. For the stories sake, lets call him Luke. So, Luke is a pretty shy guy, and my teacher has pointed him out a few times because he works in the temple with my teacher on Friday nights. He is about my height and is super cute and I have talked to him like once before. So, I said hi and we talked for a minute, and then he came and sat down in the row behind me. I definitely need to get to know him better! My teacher keeps offering to set him up with any girl in the class that's interested, but that is just lame and awkward.
    Okay, I promised this would be short, so I'm going to go...

I want to do better

There are a lot of things I can't do very well. I am aware of this (keeping an updated blog is probably one of them.) But I want to do better at these things I am really not doing good at. I know that they are important, so it is my goal to do better starting now.
    I have been thinking a lot about the future lately. Not that I am not loving living in the present, but I am trying to give myself the best possible future I can. I am trying to set things up now for a better future when it comes. I don't want to goof off and waste my time now and then regrett it later. I already have enough regrets, I don't want to add to the pile, I want to make that pile as small as possible!
    About a week and a half ago I went to a writer's conference with one of my many brothers. It was a lot of fun and I actually won something! I never win anything, so it was quite excited, and on top of that it was to get a manuscript edited for free! I was, and still am, quite exstatic about it. It was like a little glimmer of hope in my rather dismal present. I LOVE writing, if you hadn't noticed, and I truly love the stories I tell. Changing Tyde is one of my favorite stories and I feel like those characters are so real to me. I have been scared I would never finish it, let alone get it published. I know how hard it is to get published and I have let that fear consume me. But at the moment I have found hope again! I want the world to know who Jason Tyde is and what makes him such an amazing guy-even if he is fictional. Jason is the type of guy you want to look to because although he has made mistakes, he's trying his best to make up for them. It would be sad to me if no one ever knew who Kyla Sorenson is because she is so strong, and despite what B may say, she is not me...or Bella (she's not as annoying as Bella).  I lack the courage that she does. She is not afraid to speak her mind or stand up for what she truly believes in. I, along with so many others, can learn so much from her.
     It is easy for me to get discouraged and want to give up. I don't like this about myself (hence, something I want to do better at). I struggle a lot of times with feeling overwhelmed and I am so grateful for my amazing family that keeps me going (that would be like 80% of you that read this) and the few friends I have left are a great help too. I know that I can achieve my dreams! I know that I can finish this book!
    I was so grateful for Pres. Uchtdorf's talk yesterday morning in general conference, it was like it was written for me specifically! I love it when we recieve answers to our prayers like that! One thing I have learned this semester in school is that Satan wants so much for us to think poorly of ourselves and to doubt who we are, and who we have always been. We can not forget that we are literal sons and daughters of God, and as such we are entitled to promised blessings. I have felt the love of my Father and my Savior so much recently, I can't express my gratitude. I kinda feel like I am jumping around here, so sorry if it makes absolutely no sense at all. Its just a collection of my random thoughts that I felt I should share with you all!