Um...I didn't die, I promise

So, if anyone still reads this then let me apologize again for my lack of writing. It's not because I don't love you. Because I totally do. Mostly it's because I was trying really hard to graduate college while I was still 30. It's ridiculous, I know, but I just wanted to say I had graduated college by the time I was 30. 31 just sounds weirder. It's my OCD with numbers.

Um, so I did it. I graduated. I passed my last semester of classes and will walk in April as UVU only does one commencement a year. Go me! It's a huge accomplishment in my book. Nigh unto finishing my mission, which may sound ridiculous unless you've been there. A few years ago I felt like I hadn't really accomplished anything with my life and now I can say that I served a mission and graduated college. My parents would also like to see me add "got married and had kids" to my list of accomplishments, but these things take time.

I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but after years and years of really awesome self doubt and frustration with Heavenly Father about how my life was playing out, I am actually really cool with being single. Does it still suck living in Utah County where I am pretty much an old maid? Yeah, it kind of does. Mostly because there are no prospects here. There are LOTS of single guys, but none that I can ever see myself dating let alone marrying. They are also, on average, around seven or eight years younger than me. And I'm not really the cougar type. SO, waiting it is. I worked out a deal with my Heavenly Father that I think will work out great for all involved. And, you know what? I'm actually pretty excited about it. I feel like I took a really really long time getting to this place in my life where I finally see things  in a much broader perspective. And I'm willing to wait a little longer for things that will be better in my life. Guys, this is going to be my year. I can feel it. I've got so much coming my way and I can't wait to see all my hard work and plans come full circle.

Any way, if any of you are still reading this, just let me know. If not, I don't know. I'll probably just start adding poems that I wrote and stuff.

BTW, I got a poem published. That was cool.

The Freaking Queen of Unrequited Love

Don't let the post title upset you, it's not quite as bad as you are probably thinking it is. I am doing good!!! Great, actually. But, seriously, I am the queen of unrequited love. It's kind of crazy. And now, you're thinking OH NO!!! What happened with DJ!?!?!?!?!!!! Well, let me tell you a little story....

So, once upon a time I went to a bonfire and DJ and I were flirting and having so much fun and it was a great night. The details have started to fade, but it was a great night. I was on cloud 9 at the end. And then, I saw him the following Monday and it was fun and there was more flirting. And then that Thursday something happened, and everything changed. I couldn't pin point exactly what it was, because there wasn't a single event that happened. And then, that Saturday night, I was talking to Liam. I had absolutely no intention of asking about DJ or anything like that, and then all at once I heard the words coming out of my mouth:

Soozee: So, Liam, you'd tell me if you had any information about DJ, right?
Liam: Ummmm......I somehow knew you were going to ask that...
Soozee: Not that I'm trying to put you in the middle or anything, but if you know anything I should know....
Liam: *silence, but he has that expression that says he has something to tell me*
Soozee: Liam, are you telling me I should walk away?
Liam: *silence*
Soozee: Are you telling me I should just walk away? Because if so, I need to know that....
Liam: *long pause* walk away.
Soozee: Okay, that's what I needed to know....does he want to be friends with me, or not even that?
Liam: Oh, he definitely wants to be friends.

And then the crazy emotional girl took over in my head and ran around like crazy for three days. Now, I am not the crying type of girl. For the next three days I cried. And was so emotionally a mess. It was crazy. I am not THAT girl, you know? Totally not. AND, I had been telling myself the whole time not to get attached. I barely even know DJ, and yet I am sobbing over the loss of a future I didn't even have. What the heck is wrong with me, you know???

So, the thought kept coming to me that the only way I was going to find any peace would be if I talked to DJ directly. And the thought of talking to him scared me to death. But, after two failed attempts I finally asked him if we could talk and he said he was close by my apartment, so I met him up on campus and we talked about some random stuff. I didn't know exactly how to bring up what Liam had said, I also didn't want to tell him what Liam had said because I did feel like I should try to be friends with him. SO, I said something to the affect that Liam had said something to me in regards to him (DJ) and that I knew that I needed to talk to DJfor the truth. Yes, I totally threw Liam under the bus. He's been acting kind of weird, so it could have been a legit concern; and honestly, it was a legit concern. DJ confirmed that we were friends and that he hoped he hadn't done anything that would cause me to think otherwise. I explained that he had always been nice to me (which he always has been-he hasn't always remembered to let me know if he was or was not coming to something, but he has never been mean), and that was what fueled my confusion.

It was a very good talk, and I finally found the peace I had been searching for all week. At the end of the conversation, DJ mentioned he had been dating this girl on again off again for a little while and the previous night he had taken her on a date and they had talked about taking their relationship to the next step. Now, whether that means he's getting engaged, or just has a serious girlfriend I don't know. But she told him she needed to think about it and went to the woods for the weekend. He is hopeful, and I hope the best for him. If she breaks his heart, I'll still be his friend and maybe there will be a chance. If she realizes how great he is and they get married or something, then good for him and I wish him every happiness. I don't feel like I should completely walk away yet. So, I have a great friend named DJ. And, this talk with him really kind of solidified our friendship; kind of taking Liam out of the mix, which really is a good thing. Not that I don't love Liam, he's a great guy. BUT, it is really better for me to be friends with Liam, and DJ independently of each other. Although, apparently Liam talks about me all the time to DJ. All good things, apparently, but yeah. That was interesting. DJ also mentioned in our chat that I am a very kind and loving person "which I know you've heard before. I know you probably hear that a lot, because that is who you are." I like that he has noticed who I am, and not just that I am incredibly awkward.

And, can I ask just one favor from all of you great readers? Can you not feel sad or sorry for me? I know that sounds odd, but after I talked to DJ I was actually really happy and at peace. Yeah, I think he's an amazing guy and I love talking to him and getting to know him better, but this is exactly where I'm supposed to be right now. I know that this is where I am supposed to be. I don't think I could be more heartbroken than I was last Sunday through Tuesday and I would have gladly taken any sympathy then, but after a lot of prayer and inner searching, I have found the peace I needed in my life right now.

Any way, that is the story. I feel so much better about the situation knowing all of the story. And yeah, it sucks that DJ is kind of or maybe is dating someone, but for whatever reason, we're supposed to be friends right now. I guess we'll see what it all means soon enough. But I really am fine. :)

And now, for your listening pleasure, the song that has been stuck in my head for 5 days now!!! For some reason, the song Mirrors by Justin Timberlake has been playing on repeat in my head and I can't get it out. Ale says it's Jesus talking to me through Justin Timberlake, but that is kind of debatable. I would post the music video, but it was weird, so I posted the lyrical music video which is better any way. Enjoy!!!

SUMMERTIME!!!!!!!!! (this is kind of long, but you'd kill me if I shortened it, I promise!)

So, I'm just going to throw a bunch of info at you and you're going to work through it and have fun with it, k? K. So, I moved!!!! YAY!!!!! I moved to the great city Northward. Okay, not the GREAT city, I just moved to Provo-ish area. Student housing. AWESOME! I have great room mates and I live 5 minutes from work (woot woot!!). It's a lot of fun. Pictures to come shortly.

     Now for the part you've all been waiting for. I met a boy. DON'T FREAK OUT. NOTHING HAS HAPPENED YET. And, I'm not counting on anything happening. I think he'll be a good friend. And that's all that I'm hoping for. Even if he could potentially be the man of my dreams. Because, seriously, he could be. But I don't know if he is or not. So, here's the run down on him. I went to a party at Liam's house. I didn't really think much of it because his parties are huge and I was really only there because he's one of my best friends and I didn't want him to know that I don't absolutely love his parties. Because they're fun, but there's SO MANY people there. So many. And I don't do well with crowds of people. Any way, I wen to the party and Liam had mentioned earlier that he was having a DJ come and it was going to be SUPER AWESOME. This did not help my wanting to go because that meant dancing, and I don't dance. It's not that I can't dance, its that I don't. 

     So, the night of the party comes around and I made cupcakes for it, because I always make treats for Liam's parties, because you never know who might be there. I showed up at the party and one of my friends was leaving with her boyfriend that I don't approve of (not that my opinion matters), and Liam was happy to see me, as always, and Ale was there, and a ton of other people from the ward. I was talking to people when Liam is like "Hey look, my friend is here!" and at that moment, this guy walks back with his speakers and DJ type stuff. I didn't think much of him, and then he turned around. I didn't get a good look at his face, but when I saw him-like actually saw him there-my initial thought was 'hmmm, maybe you should talk to him'. But I ignored it for a while.

     And then I found a moment to talk to him. I don't have a nickname for him yet, maybe we'll just call him DJ because he was the DJ, yeah, that works. SO, DJ is a writer. We talked writing for a while, and he didn't think my ideas for stories were crazy, which was awesome. He has a bachelor's degree in English, and is going to law school now. He works at the temple with Liam, another awesome thing about him. And he is kind of cute. And he inspired me. In the 10 minutes we talked he was asking me about Changing Tyde and was like "so it's kind of like a fairy tale" and it hit me like a brick wall that Changing Tyde very much is like a fairy tale. I love it! New life for a story I've been stuck on for forever! YAY!!! And he was telling me about some of the stories he's been working on, and they sound really cool. 

     Then, the party continued on, and I didn't really get the chance to talk to DJ again, but it was fun. AND THEN, Ale did a not very nice thing. She tricked me and I ended up dancing with this guy that I really don't get along with. It was creepy, and weird. AND, Ale recorded it on her phone. and won't delete it. AND, NO, you can't see it. 

    So, a few of my friends were like "you should ask for DJ's number!!!" and I was like "no." and they kept trying to convince me to do it, but I didn't and when I left DJ noticed and said "oh, are you leaving?" (mind you, it's about 1 AM at this point) and I tell him yes, and he says something like "Well it was really great to meet you." And there's a weird lingering high five and then I walked away. And my thought was 'if I'm supposed to see him again, it'll happen...somehow'. And that is the end of the story......

Here: watch this video! It's kind of funny!!!

And this one too!!!

okay, alright, I'll tell you more of the story, because of course it doesn't end there!! :) 

So, there I was, all alone and moved in to my new place. I went to church and met some nice people. They are all a bit younger than me, but that's okay, I'm used to it. Most single people are younger than me these days. I talked to Ale about DJ and she had mentioned that lots of people thought the DJ and I were a match made in heaven and, apparently, one of my friends didn't go talk/flirt with him because she thought that he was perfect for me. OH, and my room mate kept text Liam asking when he was going to stop by with DJ. It was all a bit much. He didn't ask for my number, I didn't ask for his, there was no indication (that I am aware of) that DJ was at all interested in seeing me again, or even remembering that he met me. 

That Friday night I ended up hanging out with Liam and explained that I thought DJ was cute, and he seems like an incredible guy, but taht I was not expecting Liam to set me up with him or anything. I really just wanted to get to know DJ better and become friends because we are both writers, and i could use some writer friends these days. Liam agreed and said that he wanted DJ and I to get to know each other better especially because we are both such awesome people (his words, not mine, though I'm not disagreeing). 

Jump forward to the next Friday morning. I get a text from Liam asking what I am doing on Saturday night. I tell him that I'm not doing anything, to which he informs me that I am going to a party at DJ's apartment with him. I tell him okay and that is that. 

Come Saturday, I am a little bit nervous and slightly anxious, mostly because I'm afraid that DJ is going to be like "who is this weird girl with Liam?" But he wasn't like that at all. And I looked cute. Like Tango approved outfit and hair cute. And when we walked in DJ was like "Hey! It's my friend Liam!!!" and I thought he had forgotten me, but no! "And hey! It's Soozee too! Awesome! Glad you could make it!" I may have smiled kind of a lot. He remembered who I was. Props to him. And the party was fun. We watched Emperor's New Groove and it was fun.

K, so you know when you meet someone and you think they're cute, but it's also kind of dark when you meet them, and then you don't see them for a few weeks and then you see them and they're not as cute as you remembered them being? yeah, I was worried about that happening, but it totally didn't. DJ was actually cuter than I remembered. And, he's a hug-er. He gives hugs. I don't know why I am always becoming friends with guys that love to hug, not that I mind. I mean, I know I have that whole "don't like to be touched" thing, but that's really for people that I don't know or don't like. If I think you're cute, then I don't mind if you hug me. I digress, moving on. DJ is cute. And his movie night was fun. And, when we were talking to him after I found myself asking if he wanted to come to a pizza night at my apartment the next week. And he said yes. And then asked if I had his number so I could text him the details. I told him I didn't, so he asked if I had a phone and I gave it to him and he put his number in my phone. It was pretty great. And as we walked away, Liam also seemed happy about how things had progressed with DJ. 

Lets move forward to Wednesday night. Liam was there, and Ale, and DJ was super late. BUT, he came. And I think he gets a little bit cuter every time I see him. I had made chicken alfredo pizza and mini chocolate tarts. Neither of which lasted very long. DJ agreed that I make amazing pizza, which I was actually worried about because we had previously had a discussion about amazing pizza and he said that the pizza in Italy (where he served his mission) was the best he'd ever had. So, when he said my pizza was amazing, I was really happy. And then someone suggested that we go see the new Star Trek movie. I said I didn't really have the money to go, but DJ (without skipping a beat) offered to pay for me, and we all went. Ale, and one of my room mates that came said that they felt like DJ and I were on a date and they just happened to be there too. I didn't really get that vibe, but it was fun. I was able to talk to DJ for a minute. He grew up in northern Utah, his favorite color of all time is green, and his favorite cookie is Snickerdoodles. I mentioned that I happen to make really great Snickerdoodles, which he said he did not doubt because I am an amazing cook. TA-DA! I'm amazing. So, the movie was good. My flip flop flipped off my foot and landed behind the seat in front of me shortly after the movie started which sucked, but had no bearing on the quality of the movie. I like Benedict Cumberbatch who plays Kahn, so that was awesome. I thought the story was well developed and the actors did a good job. Also, the one liners were pretty great. All in all, if you liked the first one, you'll probably like the second one as well. 

So, I didn't think I'd get to talk to DJ again. We had tennative plans for later that week that moved to next week, and new I'm not exactly sure when we're going to get together again, but it's all good. 

And then last night happened. I met up with Ale and my friend who has the boyfriend I don't approve of and it was alright. To be honest, I had more fun when it was just me and Ale talking. And hopefully said friend with boyfriend doesn't read my blog. If she does, then we will be having a conversation soon about how I really feel and how I hide my true feelings. I'm a horrible person,  I know. Any way, I had asked Liam what he was doing in case he wanted to come hang out with us. he didn't get back to me until he was off work which, by that point, everyone had gone home. So, I asked if he was doing anything because I didn't feel like going home yet. He mentioned he was at DJ's apartment and that I should come by. So, I did. 

Did you know that DJ plays the violin? He plays quite well, in fact. And the guitar. And he can sing. AND, he's smart. And, he gets cuter every time I see him. AND, I kind of asked what he was doing this weekend and if he doesn't end up going to Montana, we're probably going to do something at some point. 

BUT, I don't expect things to go anywhere with DJ. I think he's adorable, but, now that I've posted this here, I've jinxed myself and it will all fall to apart. Which, lets be honest, it would have done all on its own. Not that I don't want anything to happen, I'm just trying to be realistic and not get my hopes up. Because the odds of him wanting to date me are not usually in my favor. And don't get upset with me. I know I'm a wonderfully fantastic person, and there should be a line at my door if guys actually saw how amazing I am. But they don't always see it, and that really is okay. A line at my door would be terribly inconvenient for everyone. And then I'd feel obligated to be nice to them, and cook for them, since they are waiting at my door and all, and it just wouldn't be fun. SO, I'm happy with where I am, and more importantly with WHO I am. DJ is a friend, and I love being friends with him. It's so much fun. He's such a nice guy. And I love that I get to know him a little bit better every time we hang out. It's fantastic! And this post is REALLY long and if you're still here CONGRATS!!!! I should make you cookies or something! How about Snickerdoodles?? ha ha ha!!!

     

A new 10

Actually, it's a return to a previous 7 that has become a new 10. Do you remember this post??

 If not, there was a refresher for ya. So, I hadn't watched Chuck or Tangled for a long time, and my sister in law invited me over to watch a Hallmark hall of fame movie last weekend starring Alexis Bledel and Zachary Levi. And as we watched I remembered how much I really love Zachary Levi. 

    So, when I was finally done with finals this week Ale came by to bring me a post finals treat. I asked if she wanted to watch something, she said sure, I asked if we could watch Chuck because I haven't watched it in like a year or so and she said she'd try an episode. 

     One thing you have to understand is that Ale and I don't actually like a lot of the same TV Shows. There are a few we both like, but none that we both love. Until now. I got her hooked on Chuck (and who wouldn't be, really?) and Zachary Levi plays Chuck. And I love him. Just a little bit. He's my new 10. Except, he was already close to a 10, but now he's my 10. And do you know why? #1: He's attractive. #2: He's my favorite Disney prince *smolder*.

 and #3: He's a nerd. Not just on the show, but in real life. Zachary Levi is a nerd. YAY!! This is awesome because I have recently realized that I am in fact a nerd. Which takes him from the 7 I ranked him at last year, up to being my 10. That's right, move over Sam Worthington, Christian Bale, David Tennant, Josh Dallas, Adam Levine, Matt Smith, and all the other 10s. 

 Speaking of attractive guys, Ale convinced me to sign up for online dating. Let's talk more about awkward than attractive. Too bad there aren't any Zachary Levi-esq guys on there (at least not that I have seen). I have talked to a few guys, but nothing that is incredibly striking and awesome. I figure there is no harm in trying new things though, right? Liam has decided that he needs to meet any guys that want to meet me. I love how much my friends care about me. It's really awesome.  I don't know if anything will come of it, but hopefully it'll be fun.
   
     So, this semester is over. Thank goodness for that. This was a rough one and I'm glad it's over. Time to have a fantastic summer. I am going to be moving soon. A good friend of mine wants me to be room mates with her, which I think will be a good thing. I told Ale she's going to have to come hang out with me like all the time. And I'll be working on LIGHTS and Changing Tyde and I'll also be quilting and baking and loving my life!!!!

If you read this, I'm really okay, I promise.

So, I've been thinking about life again. I should be writing papers right now, or going to the church to set up for FHE, but here I am, thinking about life and about all of you lovely people that still read this blog, or that have just started (hello, new people!!!). I am a very unique individual. I don't use "unique" as code for weird, nerdy, strange, crazy, or insane; although some and/or all of them may apply on any given day. I say that I am unique because there really isn't another one like me. I am my own person. I have amazing talents and gifts that other people don't. I made 150 cupcakes between Friday and Saturday. They looked AMAZING. and I'm not just saying that for a pat on the back, they were beautiful. And I did them. All by myself. I made the cupcakes. I made the frosting. I made the Andes mint fudge. I didn't smash the Oreos because Ale asked to, but beyond that, they were mine. All mine. This may also sound a little self absorbed, but sometimes I don't want people to help me because I want all the credit. I don't like sharing. maybe because I usually have a vision of what I want and I feel that if other people get involved I'll lose my sight and then I have to tell people that other people helped me, and with this project, I wanted it all. I still ended up having to share the credit, but that's okay. Because I know that I did it all. They were mine. All mine. And I am so proud of myself for accomplishing my goal despite really unfortunate set backs.
    I am also unique (and this is really where I was going with this...just had to vent about the cupcakes) because I am 28 years old, and I am still very single. So many of my friends are married with 1 or 2 kids and their lives and stresses and worries are completely different than mine. I love my life. I absolutely love it. I was talking to my sister in law the other day and we were talking about how the grass is always greener on the other side, which is so true. I look at my friends that are married and think "do you realize how lucky you are? Do you see how amazing your life is? Do you know what I would give to have what you have? You're so lucky!!!!" Each day of our lives presents itself with challenges, and I understand that. And now that I've shared my secret envy of my friends, I will share with you another little secret. I'm also really okay with my life. Have I said that enough in this post? I'm totally okay with my life right now. I'm taking steps forward and putting plans into action (except for the writing my papers right now thing....I really need to work on that one). I have come to terms with, and accepted, that it is a possibility I might not get married in this life. Now, before you call me and tell me how I'm going to find someone and that I'm giving up to soon (because I've found that is a response I get quite regularly when people ask if I'm dating someone and I tell them I'm not looking). This does not mean that I don't want to get married, I do-believe me, I do!!! This also doesn't mean that I've given up on looking for Dean. This just means that if the opportunity never presents itself, I will be okay. I have plans for my life and they are AMAZING plans!!! I can't be best friends with Adam Levine and Matt Smith if I'm married with kids. That would be awkward. If I was single, I could do all the crazy things I dream about sometimes. I could publish some books, open a bakery, and then go travel through Europe. Get lost in Ireland. Randomly end up in Cardiff where they film Doctor Who. If I'm going to dream, I might  as well dream big, you know? So, that's what I'm doing. And then, when I do happen to meed Dean Carmichael (whether in this life, or the next) I will know that everything he and I have been through will have made us stronger and better for each other. I will fully understand why I was asked to travel this path alone for as long as I will be asked to. That day will be a glorious one, and I can't wait to meet him. And I know that patience is a virtue, and one that I feel I have learned a lot of. But I actually really love it. patience is still a hard thing for me, but knowing that the longer I wait *patiently*, the greater blessings I can receive.
     I do love my life. And I expect great things from myself. I know that I can do hard things. I know that I can accomplish great things, and I know that my Heavenly Father has tried to help me see all that He has in store for me for a while now. I finally figured out how to listen. And it's a beautiful future, no matter what happens. I hope we can all find that joy in the journey. I hope we can all find the peace that the gospel brings. If you don't have that peace, I hope you can find it. There is nothing that compares.

1/1/13...that's a lot of 1s

Oh my gosh, I'm so tired. I hit 4 different parties last night. Got home around 3, slept in a bit and I am still thinking that is NEVER happening again. Too much running around. BUT, it was great to see so many people! I also saw a really fantastic fireworks show put on by my pyro of a brother. He was like a little kid on Christmas morning. Okay, maybe not THAT excited, but I know he had fun, and I had fun watching them all go off.
    Christmas was amazing! It was just super great! I got some really awesome presents and got to spend time with my amazing family. Also, I thought my car had died, but it didn't!!!! That was STUPENDOUS!! A quick fix and my good little Logan car is back on his feet!...or tires?? But yeah, he's fine and I'm back to the freedom having a car permits.
     It's 2013. That's crazy. I enter this new year with high hopes and hopefully big plans. School, of course, is part of that plan. I also want to finish either Lights, or Changing Tyde. Either one would be fabulous. I'd like to get the ball rolling on that whole dream. I also am kind of hoping Dean Carmichael shows up sometime. That would be amazing. BUT, he might not come this year, or ever (and I can hear the protests about me being young and all that....) I know that when I turn 28 in about a month doesn't make me that old, and there is definitely still hope that I will get married, but it might not happen, and if it doesn't, I'm still going to have an AMAZING life. Focused on the goals I have regardless of my marital status.
    A good friend of mine blogged about Plan A and Plan B and starting to focus on Plan B because Plan A doesn't look like it's going to work out and how hard it is to give up on the plan you really wanted for one you just set aside in case. I have felt this way MANY times. And I love this dear friend so much!!
    One thing I love about last summer was that I spent the summer focusing on me and what I really wanted in life and I set goals and plans that I like to call my Plan AB. I am going to accomplish these plans and goals whether or not Dean comes around. He might be super busy right now, and maybe he died in the war in heaven, you know? I can't spend the rest of my life wishing him here, because that obviously doesn't work. ha ha.
    But, it is hard at times when it seems everyone who had even the slightest possibility of a relationship is now engaged. A couple of weeks ago every day Facebook informed me of a different friend that had just gotten engaged. I really started to avoid social networking for a while. This next year is going to be really awesome, or really really depressing. I think I'll go back to avoiding wedding receptions. Sometimes, it's just easier that way.
    Now that I have successfully brought down the mood of my blog....Um, I have been working a lot on LIGHTS lately and I fall more and more in love with those characters the more I write them into existence. Ian and Emma are such amazing and beautiful people. They are both such strong fighters, which is good because I am going to put them through quite the journey. I can see that story turning into a series, which will be awesome. I am so excited. I stay up late and write sometimes. I can't help it!!! I love it so much!!!!

What would life be without some CRAZY RANDOMNESS?!?!?!?!

I was on good 'ol Facebook the other day and ended up talking to a friend I haven't seen or heard from in nearly 2 years. I made his birthday cake then, and I'm pretty sure I called him Soldier Boy on here, which is such an apt description of him. So, I ended up talking to SB for a little while and he invited me to his birthday party and I suggested that I come by the day after his birthday and bring him some cupcakes (because I was already making cupcakes. I didn't make them just for him...I'm not THAT nice...) and he said that would be great. SO, yesterday after I got off work I stopped by his place and we ended up talking for about an hour or so. It was really good to catch up with him. I had a crush on him when he lived closer, but I'm very happy to say that none of those feelings are there anymore. He's just a good friend. That thinks my cooking and baking skills are AMAZING. We were walking around outside and whenever we ran into someone he knew (which was like every two minutes) he would introduce me somewhat to the effect of: "Hey, this is Soozee, she's amazing." OR, "Hey, this is Soozee, she's cooks better than anyone ever. And she's awesome". It made me laugh, but there are a lot of attractive guys over by where he lives, so maybe we will have to be friends and I can meet all of his friends.
     On an entirely different note, I told George that for his birthday present I would make him anything (within reason) for his birthday. He chose burgers. I wanted to make the best burger he'd ever had in his life, because that's just how I roll. So, yesterday, I made burgers with Monteray Jack cheese INSIDE the burger. MIND BLOWING, I know. They were crazy good. AND, I am pretty sure I succeeded in making the best burger he'd ever had in his life. Except I forgot bacon. That would have made it more awesome. But that's okay. They were still HUGE and DELICIOUS. Yep, my mouth started watering at the thought of them again...oh man, they were good. 
    Its' the weekend. I love weekends. I think I will bake for a family party I'm going to tonight (which will be AWESOME!!!) and also have Christian Bale Movie Weekend: Part Deux. That will be FANTASTIC. I'm so excited. And so should you be as well.

A little story for you.

Once upon a time there was a girl named Soozee. She was smart and funny and an AMAZING cook. Also, she liked to make quilts and do crafty things. She was just a stupendous person in general. However, a lot of times she felt lonely. She had friends, and they were usually very awesome, but sometimes there is a lonliness that doesn't come from a lack of friends, there is a different void, one that is harder to fill. This is the void and lonliness that Soozee couldn't avoid. It plagued her dreams and was always in the dark corners of her mind, lurking there, waiting for the moment she wasn't expecting it and then bombard her mind with feelings of doubt and despair.
     She knew, deep in her heart, that this void would one day be filled, but patience was not a virtue she carried in spades. She struggled accepting her own personal faults and often blamed herself for this void she couldn't quite shake. When she looked in the mirror, often times she didn't like the person she saw. She felt like this girl wasn't beautiful. She had nothing to offer. The sparkle in her eyes was gone. She was hollow and empty inside.
     One day, Soozee met a friend. He was kind, sincere, and very honest. He was different than most of the guys that Soozee met, but she liked the friendship she had with him. They could talk about anything, and Soozee knew that he actually understood her. She loved him, but was not in love with him. She cherished the friendship she had with him and was grateful for the outlook he gave her on life. She started to see herself the way he saw her. She started to see someone worth seeing in the mirror again and she knew that even though there were still many challenges ahead in life, she could face them.
    Time passed and Soozee moved away from her friend. She missed seeing him all the time, but knew that they would always be friends. And as time passed, she made a new friend. His name is Dean. He is everything Soozee never knew to wish for, and everything she dreamed. He reminded her a little of her friend back home, and she knew that there was no one else she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. This was what she had been looking for all her life. This was what she had been wanting to fill the void with. Love. A relationship built on trust and understanding. A lifetime with her very best friend, Dean.
    And so it was that Soozee and Dean got married and had a few kids and grew in life and love for time and all eternity. What greater wish could anyone really ask for?

Dean Carmichael

I am taking a dating and courtship class, and for the "final" I am supposed to write a letter to my future husband. Well, since I don't need this class for credit of any kind really, I decided to do it any way, but post it on here because I love all of you so much. So, enjoy. I hope you learn something about me.

Dear Dean Carmichael,
    Let me begin by saying I think you're a loser. I know that sounds harsh, but I can't seem to figure out what could be so important that you don't have time to include me in your life. That being said, forever is a REALLY long time, and if we're going to spend it together, I hope you get all your ducks in a row before we meet too. I'm working on the same thing.
    Funny thing happened the other day. I was writing (like I always do) and I was writing about Jason Tyde and how he is trying to figure out what his next move should be because he's kind of at a cross roads, and I thought of you and me. I kind of feel like I am coming to a cross roads in my life and I have to make some decisions. Its tough trying to figure out my future all by myself. I struggle with knowing what will be my best option for the future, for meeting you, for plans that we haven't made yet because we aren't in each others lives yet.
     For not knowing who you are, you do carry a lot of weight on my decisions. You also take up a lot of my free time when I'm not focusing on Jason and Kyla, or killing off Nick. He's died like 3 times this week. Poor guy, he never had a chance. But for real, I care a lot about you and what you are doing in your life. I care about who your friends are, I care if the girls you hang out with/date are nice to you. I don't want to meet you and find out girls were jerks, I also don't want to find out they are super awesome either. Because you're going to fall in love with me...well its true, you are.
     I have had a series of dreams lately that I wake from smiling about and thinking of you. I wish you were around so I could tell you about them. I wish for so many things, but what this all comes down to is that I have faith in my Heavenly Father that He is guiding your life as much as He is guiding mine and that when He knows that the time is right, He will guide us to each other. So, it doesn't matter how impatient I am, or how much I think you're a loser (even though I really don't think you are a loser because I'm actually in love with you.) because no matter how much either of us wants to find each other, there is a reason we're not together. There's a reason I am left to wonder if you're doing alright, or what our future holds, but know this: I am doing everything I can to be the girl of your dreams. I am trying not to be too cheesy and hope and dream of our life together. It will happen exactly when its supposed to.

I feel dumb saying this, but its true,
I love you,
Soozee

Weird Dreams and RANDOM dating experience

I had a dream the other night that Fort and I were hanging out with Adam Levine (the lead singer of Maroon 5) and Andrew McMahon (the lead singer of Jack's Mannequin) and apparently we were BFFs or something because they both knew me and Fort. It was weird. and AWESOME. If it had been reality, I would have taken pictures (which I actually did do in the dream....) and post them here for you to see. BUT, since that was just a dream, I will tell you the crazy story that happened about a month ago.
    I have a friend, lets call him George (because he wishes people would call him that....long story for another time) any way, George went to Vegas for a convention referred to as CES. I heard that one of my favorite actors, Zachary Levi (from Tangled, and Chuck) was going to be in Vegas that same week, so I sent George a text asking him to please go find Zachary Levi and take a picture for me. I was only half joking because what are the odds he would actually run into Zachary Levi?
    Well, half way through one of my classes I felt my phone go off and pulled it out of my jacket pocket and saw this picture:

 

Isn't that a great way to end class? I think so! Yeah, so George actually did run into Zachary Levi and made my week. 

     And, while we are on the subject of George....I went on a date with him last week. I needed a date for a date dance at the Institute and couldn't find anyone to go with, so I asked George and because he is AWESOME he agreed to go. We went to dinner with my friends, and then headed to the dance where George (who doesn't like dances, and I knew this before I asked him to come) said something to the affect of: "What would you do if I just kidnapped you and we went and did something actually fun instead of going to the dance?" to which I replied, "You tell me before we leave for dinner so I can grab a pair of jeans so when we do something fun I can change out of a skirt" we ended up going to the dance for a few minutes and then sneaking out so my friends didn't notice and went to the movies. So, pretty much, George is one of my favorite people. Which is probably a good thing because I hang out with him and two other girls several times a week. Its fantastic. And, that is the end of the story, for now at least....