Christmas is rough sometimes, you know? And I hate being that person that's like "Christmas is hard because..." when in general I power through the season relatively well. The actual holiday itself when my huge family gets together and everyone is talking about their own families and what their kids are up to can be hard sometimes. Two years ago was probably the hardest because I had been graduated from college for a year and had spent the year sending out hundreds of resumes and filling out thousands of applications and had absolutely nothing to show for it.

Don't get me wrong, I have an amazing family that genuinely does care about me. I know they love me, but it's the nature of being single during the holidays. It's bound to happen. And I've learned to accept this and move on.

This year, however, has been hard. Not because I'm still single and alone at Christmas, but just little things that have built up over the past few months and then this week over nothing too serious I just kind of lost it a little bit. I was extremely frustrated over the situation I found myself in. I am behind on Christmas projects and I've got a million worries and frustrations trailing behind me. And Heaven hasn't been quite as vocal as I'd like. In short, I have felt alone the entire month and have been carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I ended up talking to a good friend yesterday about all of this. I told him about the frustrating situation this week and how I had yelled at God over it. He laughed a little and said "I don't know why, but I like the image of you yelling at God," and then he paused and said something that really hit me. He said, "but isn't that what we're supposed to do? Tell God everything. Get it all out and put it in His hands. How can we expect to receive guidance if we don't tell him the problem?"

This Christmas season has been full of good things, as well as stressful things too. This conversation with my friend was exactly what I needed to start letting go of the stress I've been gripping with white knuckles, worried other people would know my worries and judge me, or worse, try to fix them. I am terrible at asking for help. Last week in a moment of doubt and frustration, I typed out a text message for a friend asking for help and then didn't send it because I told myself she was already dealing with so many other things in her life I didn't want to be another burden.

I think too often we worry we will be a burden to others so we keep to ourselves instead of asking for help and allowing others to be that help and guidance that we need. I'm still learning that one. I'm still learning a lot of things. But I am especially grateful for the opportunities I have to learn. To become better. To work harder. I am not a patient person, not really. I have learned to accept that things will not happen on my timetable, but that doesn't mean I am okay with it in my head. Reaching the lovely age of 33 as a single woman as taught me a lot of things. The most important is that I absolutely can not live this life alone. I have to trust in God and my Savior if I want to succeed. And I have seen so much success! I have a book that will be published (eventually)! I have an amazing group of friends, some of whom have literally drop everything to help me. I've got a great family that loves me and cares about me. All of these wonderful blessings have come from praying and listening.

How does this all tie into Christmas? Well, like I said before, I don't want to be one of those people telling you how hard Christmas is, I want to be one of those people to help you see how wonderful Christmas is despite whatever challenges you face. Are you feeling {insert specific struggle here}? Christ understands. He truly does. And this is a time of year to celebrate Him. So when things get really lonely and quiet, pour your heart and soul into learning more about His life. Read the Christmas story. Focus on him. It'll help. I promise. I've faced so many challenges in the months of November and December, it's not even a joke anymore. But you're not alone, not really.  Thanks to a babe wrapped in swaddling clothes. Thanks to a Savior who put all of us before himself. A brother who took all of our pains, afflictions and temptations of every kind so that He might succor us. A friend who wants nothing more than to wipe away the tears from our eyes.

That by knowing him here, we may know him better there.

Easter. My favorite holiday. I often have a hard time actually expressing why Easter is my favorite holiday. And for many years it wasn't that significant to me. You get a bag full of candy and some nice thoughts about Jesus at church. It was a lesser Christmas to me.

And then one year it wasn't. One year I suddenly didn't care if I got a bag of candy, or if we had an Easter egg hunt in the back yard where all my nieces and nephews could go find them. All at once it actually meant something. It could have been the year and a half I spent as a missionary for my church. It could have been that I was reading my scriptures and happened upon the best Easter scriptures right around that time of year. I don't remember exactly when it happened, I just know now that it did happen.

Over the last year I have been broken in so many ways. My head, my heart, my soul, my strength have all been challenged, bruised and broken. And yet I have lived through it all. I have been strengthened by a force beyond my own. I have been lifted and healed by the grace of God. I have found solace in the words of the prophets. I have lived through it and come out stronger than I went in. And it has just solidified my love for my Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ.

A few years ago my church posted a video gearing up for Easter, and it still brings me to tears. I thought I'd share it.

The video shared nothing that I didn't already know, but it reminded me of how important this holiday really is. There is so much that we have in this life and to look forward to beyond it all because of Jesus Christ. His love for us is so incredibly strong. He has conquered the world so that we might become all that we can be. He has given us the opportunity to succeed. He loves us that much. And I love him with all my heart in return.

I was reading the Chronicles of Narnia series at the beginning of the year. It is my favorite young adult series. It has always been a part of my life. I hadn't read the entire series in a very long time, so it was fun to experience them again. I love the simplicity and the symbolism that is intertwined throughout the series. And I love Aslan, the Great Lion. It is no secret that CS Lewis was Christian and used symbolism in a lot of his work. But I love the stories he tells and the worlds he created. And most importantly, I love the feeling I get when I read his books. I was reading The Last Battle and was crying because the series was ending, but also because I was reading the most beautiful words I had ever read. It was a final thought about the Pevensie children, and those great souls that had found their way back to Narnia, and back to Alsan. The quote is:

"Now at last they were beginning chapter one of the great story which no one on Earth has read. Which goes on forever in which every chapter is better than the one before."

And it just left the most wonderful thought and feeling in my heart. To me, that is what Jesus offers us. He offers us peace that can continue on and on forever in which every moment, every hour is better than the one before. 

Another favorite quote is from Voyage of the Dawn Treader when Lucy Pevensie realizes that she will not be returning to Narnia again and pleads with Aslan to visit them here in our world to which he responds,

"But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia. That by knowing me here a little, you may know me better there."

And I feel like that is one of those very symbolic thoughts that CS Lewis added for a wonderful moment in the story between Aslan and Lucy, but also for us as we look to our Savior. Our time in this world is so short when you consider the vastness of eternity. Are we taking the time we have here to better know our Savior? So that when we see him again, we will recognize his face and run to him as he has run to us countless times. That by knowing him a little here, we may know him better there. 

I don't know if this at all explains my love of Easter, but I am so grateful for this time of year. As spring begins and the world wakes up around us. Flowers bloom and the trees turn green. That moment of renewal as we also take a few minutes to remember our Savior, Jesus Christ, and his sacrifice for each of us. Because of him, we don't ever have to feel alone or like no one could truly understand. He has given us so much, he has given us everything. And because of all that he does for me, and all the love that he has shown me, I will praise his name forever. I will welcome the peace he brings into my life. We are all so incredibly blessed to have such an ally and friend on our side, cheering us on. 

May we all focus on this beautiful day, and may we all come to know our Savior a little better. This time of year is for renewal, I hope you will all take a minute to renew your dedication to following Jesus Christ. Following his teachings and his words. I think the world would be a better and kinder place if we could follow him.