A Post About Neverland

It's funny. Many times a week I think to myself, "Suz, you should totally write a really funny and awesome blog post" but then I get busy and forget, or I sit down to write something to you lovely readers and it's suddenly not funny anymore. And then I go back to my imaginary world of awesomeness and spend some QT with Jason and Kyla. BTW, did you read that last post? Did you like the changes? Or did you hate them? Or, did you not read them and you're avoiding eye contact because you suddenly feel guilty about it? No worries, go read it real quick and then let me know what you think. I made HUGE changes to Kyla's life and I think they work, but I haven't gotten a ton of feedback on the subject, so yeah.

Um. I am slowly catching up on, like, five years of TV I didn't have time to stay caught up on. I finished Supergirl Season 1 this week. I kept up with that one as it aired. LOVE that show. I'm also caught up on Arrow and The Flash. My priorities are obviously in the right place. Also, Once Upon A Time. Caught up on that show. Because I freaking LOVE Captain Hook. He's seriously the only reason I'm still watching that show. Colin O'Donoghue (who plays Capt. Hook) is seriously at the top of my Future BFF's list. I want him to play Jason Tyde when that book gets made into a movie. And I know I've said that, like, a million times before, but I think he could do an AMAZING job. Seriously. He's amazing. Also, speaking of Colin, my friends and I have a running joke that he's always drinking a Coke. Even though it's clearly a beer. He's Irish. But we joke that he's always drinking a Coke and I said that when I meet him I'm going to share a Coke with him. SO, if he were to come to Comic Con (which I am really hoping happens!!) I'll totally get a photo op with him and hand him a coke for the picture so I have proof of it. Ha ha. I am sharing a lot of random things with you guys today. Eeek. I hope people still read after this. Ha ha. #shareacokewithcolin #itsgonnabeathing.

Speaking of Captain Hook, Jenni James just wrote a book called Capt. Hook and it is adorable. It's part of her Faerie Tale Collection. Also, there's this song by Ruth B that I am IN LOVE with and has brought a lot of inspiration for my writing!! My friend (A new one I've never mentioned before!! Let's call her Chiquita) introduced me to this song and I had to go buy her EP I loved it so much!! You should watch her video here:



I have a character that keeps coming to mind. Her name is Grace and she's adventurous. I want to tell her story, which I think will be rather lengthy, but I need to finish Changing Tyde first. Having a billion stories in your head all the time is exhausting at times. But, I promise you all-especially Grace- that more stories are coming. Every of the stories. All of the stories. I love them.

Any way, go read what I posted about Changing Tyde and then leave a comment!! I NEEEEEEED FEEDBACK :)!!!

Batman V Superman, and other things

First of all, here's 2 chapters of Changing Tyde that I completely changed. Let me know what you think. They're SUPER rough drafts, but you should get the idea:

Chapter 2 - Kyla

I didn't think about how hard it was going to be to pack up my apartment. I moved quite frequently through out my college experience, this should be a piece of cake. But this time was harder than any of the other times. Everything I touched had a memory with him attached to it. I found myself reliving the last three years over and over again, each item bringing the pain in a new light. At this rate, I'll never get packed in time.

I finish packing the last box in the living room. I need to be packed and ready to go in two days. I look around my still mostly full apartment and feel defeated. I tape up the box and set in on top of the others labeled with a thick black sharpie. I look to the half packed kitchen and don't even want to think about the bedroom. I've avoided the bedroom more than anything else. The memories that room holds will be worse than the rest.

It's just a one bedroom apartment. It shouldn't be this difficult. And yet, I've been packing for a month. Or, avoiding the packing for a month. I pick up another box, determined to tackle the kitchen tonight when my phone buzzes to life on the counter top next to the sink. It's my best friend and former roommate Shannon. I answer it.

“Hey! I was just calling to see if you needed any help yet?” She sounds cheerfully cautious.

“I thought I could do this by myself, but I think I've hit the point where I need some help. When are you free?” I ask, frustrated. But before I can even finish the question, there's a knock at the door. I walk over and open the door as Shannon ends the call and looks up at me.

“I'm glad you're willing to let me help because I was going to help whether you wanted it or not.” She informs me with all the sass that her southern drawl implies. I hug her, feeling like I might not fall completely apart with her here.

“Thank you, Shan. Ugh. I odn't know what I was thinking.” I tell her.

“You were thinking that you could whip this all out in a day and a half like all the times we moved from one apartment to the next. But this isn't like all the other times.” She states, and I know she's right.

“I just get frustrated so easily. I'll be packing a box in the kitchen and before I know it, I'm ugly crying over a skillet Nick's mom gave me at my bridal shower. It's so depressing. Are you sure you want to help?” I ask.

“I'm sure I want to help. What is the hardest for you to pack?” She asks, looking around at the progress I have made.

“I finished the living room, I was just about to start on the kitchen again. I haven't really touched the bedroom. I've kind of avoided that one the most. Do you want to work on the kitchen and I'll try working on the bedroom?” I try sounding optimistic and determined. Shannon just smiles at me and wraps an arm around me,

“How about we do the bedroom together?” She asks with an optimism I lost a long time ago. I nod and we head over to the bedroom.

It's not that I have a lot of stuff in my bedroom, it's just that was the last place I saw Nick. It's where we slept each night and where we talked for hours about our future. I had gotten rid of most of his stuff, but there were still memories everywhere I looked.

We had moved into this apartment as newlyweds and now I was leaving everything behind. Shannon started taking all of my clothes out of the closet and putting them in a box. She probably would have done the whole thing if I let her. But I couldn't let her do that, so I grabbed a box and started going through my drawers.

“Would you believe that I've already gone through everything in here, like, three times?” I say with a slight smile as I find pictures from my first date with Nick. I hold up the picture to show Shannon, “Remember this night?”

“How could I forget? You were so smitten by him. You couldn't stop talking about him. Which was hilarious because you swore you didn't like him.”Shannon reminds me. I laugh a little and put the pictures in a box.

“He caught me off guard. I wasn't supposed to meet anyone that semester.”

“And yet, the universe and Nick had other plans.” She responds. I laugh a little at the memories and keep going. Within an hour my bedroom is completely packed and we head to the kitchen.

I sit down at the table to rest for a minute. Shannon grabs a couple bottles of water out of the fridge for us and sits across from me.

“Was that easier?” She asks. I nod.

“I don't think I could have done that without you. Thanks.” I open the water and take a drink.

“I'm so glad. Is the kitchen all that's left?” She asks looking around.

“Yeah, pretty much. And it's half way there. The moving truck will be tomorrow. Leo and Mark are going down with me to help me move in down there and then they're flying back on Saturday. This is all happening so fast.”

“I know. I can't believe you're actually leaving me. What am I going to do without you?” She teases.

“Come visit me. I don't have a huge apartment, but I do have a couch. And I'm not far from the beach!” I tell her.

“Fine. You win. I'll be here tomorrow to help you load the truck.” She looks at me with concern. This isn't new. Everyone's looked at me like that for a year. It's what happens when your whole life gets turned upside down and you're left scrambling to put the pieces back together. It's how I look at myself in the mirror each morning.

Chapter 4 - Kyla

I pull into an empty parking spot. Spring is in full bloom as I walk slowly through the empty grass and walk the familiar path to the one place I have found myself most often over the last year. I'm glad no one else has decided to come visit so that I can say goodbye alone. I stop at the granite gravestone.

Nicholas Andrew Robinson

May 16, 1988 – January 20, 2015

Beloved Husband and Son

I place a small arrangement of Gerber daisies at the base of the stone and kneel careful down next to it. This place has become sacred ground over the last year while I have dealt with the loss of my best friend.

“Hey Nick. I finally got all packed up and am ready to go. Shannon came by and helped last night or I'd probably be ugly crying over a knife set we got for the wedding.” I try to laugh at the absurdity of the truth, “your mom promised to come by regularly and bring you flowers. I know it's a little ridiculous for us to bring you flowers when you really didn't like them, but it's our way to let you know we care about you still.” I'm rambling. To a gravestone. If Nick really were here, he'd be teasing me with that ridiculous grin and sharp green eyes. I can still see them as if he were truly standing in front of me.

“So. California. I can't believe it's actually happening. Mom and Dad are thrilled to have me closer. They offered me the guest suite at their house, but I just couldn't move back in with them. I'm not the little girl that left there anymore. I did get the apartment down on 6^th Ave. It's a small studio apartment, but it'll do until I get on my feet again. Besides it's just me.” I can feel all of my emotions ebbing and flowing and rising like a river. I wasn't supposed to be alone ever again.

“I guess I really just wanted to come and say goodbye. Not for forever. I plan to come back and visit. I guess I just wanted to let you know that you completely changed my life, Nick, and I'll always love you for that. You showed up when I thought I didn't need anyone and proved me wrong. I love how you changed everything about my life and made me a better person. I will never forget you, or our life together. I will treasure each day we spent together and even though I'm moving away and moving on, that doesn't mean I'm going to forget you. I could never forget you. I still love you so much that it hurts. My heart is still broken and as long as I stay here it will be. I think that's part of why I took this job so soon. Because as long as I stay here all I'll think about is losing you. And I don't think you'd want me to stay here and dwell on what was. I think you want me to be happy. So that's what I'm going to try and do. Move on and be happy. I love you, Nick. Always.” I wipe away the tears that have collected and stand up to walk away. The sun is setting in front of me and the light dances through the trees and across Nick's grave. I smile and turn to walk back to my car. The pain of saying goodbye is just as hard as it was the day he was buried here.

.....sooooooo.....what did you think??? I'm actually really curious. You should, maybe, leave your thoughts in the comments or something.

Also, went and saw Batman V Superman last night after I revised 46 pages of the above story. It was a crazy awesome day and then I went to the movies with Liam, which was a lot of fun. It was a pretty good movie. They referenced a lot of different comic book story lines, so I'm curious where they take this. In my dream world, I will work for DC as a screenwriter. It's going to be awesome and their movies will be great. Any way, let me know what you thought of Changing Tyde. I know it's a lot different from where the story started and I am so happy that I get to keep working on it!!

I'm giving a Gold Star for those that actually read the whole thing!!

What up, my friends????? Long time no post, I know. That's how it goes with me, though, you know? So, updates...I live in the same complex as DJ now, different building, but our buildings are kiddie corner to each other. I see him in the parking lot sometimes. And that's the end of that story. There's a know guy at work. He's super adorable. Lets call him Steve, because I haven't called anyone Steve yet. And I apparently like that name today. But yeah, Steve sits in the desk behind me and we talk and it's fun. He's a nice guy. Good friend.

It was crown day today. According to my room mate. I haven't come up with clever nicknames for my room mates yet, so I won't really get in to those stories, mkay?

I have been writing. Oh, have I been writing. Would you like to read some of it? Yeah? Okay, here are a couple of little pieces I've written for my creative writing class. Also, I'm taking a screen writing class and it's A-MAZING. I kind of want to go in to screen writing professionally, I think it would be AWESOME. Also, that would give me so much more creative control over my books when they get published and then made into movies. I'd be the screenwriter. Ta-da!!! Any way, here you go:

A side note: PLEASE, please, please, don't copy or quote, or use any of my writing without my permission. This is all REALLY personal stuff and I am only sharing it here to get a little feedback. So, with that being said, on with the show!!

Here's a piece of Flash Fiction:

Mistaken

I asked her not to. She didn't listen. Why didn't she listen? I didn't want to go. I didn't want to do this. But I did. I did do this. And now I can't go back. Back to the way things were. Why? Why can't I go back to the way things were? Because it's too late. And now there's blood, I don't even know who's blood it is. Everywhere. Pooling around me. Make it stop.


I look for a towel, but there isn't anything. I start to panic. I'm surprised it's taken this long to set in. I don't know what to do. What do I do? I can't find a towel. I don't want to use my shirt, but it's the only cloth I can find. Why isn't there anything else here? What am I doing? Why am I here? I'm not supposed to be here. This isn't supposed to happen. This....this...too late....


“Steve, are you okay?” I hear her voice, but I don't see her.
“Steve, can you hear me, babe?” There's panic in her voice now. It wasn't there before. Why is she worried about me? I did this. I am the one to blame.



“Steve, I've called the police, they're on their way. Just stay calm, okay?” The panic is rising. She's still talking, but I don't hear the words. I'm not surprised. I would have called the cops, too. Everything is getting dark. Is this how things end? I don't know. I thought there was supposed to be light. Isn't that what they say? A light comes and you walk towards it? I'm only seeing darkness. I thought all those stupid clichés would come true. I guess they really are just clichés. Overused and meaningless. There's the sirens. I can hear them. They're almost here. Time to face my fate. I don't think I'll make it to when they get here. It's all so dim and dark. I just want to sleep. Let me sleep....sleep...it's all a dream now.


I am not a poet, but here is my attempt because I was forced to:

The Railing


I watch from above,
they all look like ants beneath me.
I lean against the railing.
It's there to protect me, but it doesn't.
It's small and thin in comparison
To all that I have,
All that I am,
All that I will become.
It is there to keep me safe.
To remind me of what I stand for
What I believe in,
Why I do what I do.
It is a reflection of my life.


I stand up straight and stretch my arms,
I am tall. I feel like I could fall into the sky
And watch the world fade to nothing.
Nothing.
That is what I want.
I want nothing to fear or hide from.
I don't want expectations or worries.
Nothing in the dark shadows of the night.
It is peaceful then.

Peace and darkness to ease the burden.

AND, finally, a piece of my 10 minute play:

ROUND ONE

(Girls can be heard OS, screaming)

JASON (OS)

Come on, come on! Quick quick quick!

(JASON and KYLA enter the stage through a doorway, they run in hand in hand, laughing.)

KYLA

(breathless)Is it always like that?

JASON

Only when a new article comes out, or when an interview airs on TV. This is nothing compared to premiere weekends. Some events get so bad I don't even come home for a while.

(Jason is still holding Kyla's hand. He looks down at it and lets go.)

KYLA

I can't even imagine that.

JASON

I'm sure this isn't how you expected your summer to end up. I know you like things to be really calm.

KYLA

Yeah, but if dealing with them means I get to spend time with you, then it's worth it. I've had plenty of time begin alone, and to be honest, it's all very exciting being around you.

JASON

Yeah, until they realize that I spend more time with you than anyone else and decide to revolt.

KYLA

I guess we better just keep our friendship a secret then.

(BROOKE enters from the opposite side of the stage. Jason immediately stands between her and Kyla)

JASON

Brooke, what are you doing here? How did you get in?

BROOKE

Oh, come on, Babe, you know I can charm my way into anywhere.

JASON

Seriously, Brooke, I changed the locks, all the door codes, everything.

BROOKE

It took me a little while, but I figured out the code to your garage. I thought you'd be happy to see me. It's been months. I missed you.

JASON

That's nice. So, explain to me what you are doing here.

(Brooke approaches Jason, trying to get a better look at Kyla. Kyla steps out from behind Jason and faces Brooke.)

BROOKE

I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met. I'm Brooke.

KYLA

I know who you are.

BROOKE

I assumed as much, but I'm trying to be polite.

KYLA

I don't know why. I didn't think you cared about anyone but yourself.

(Jason steps between them to separate them again.)

JASON

Okay, Ky, calm down, Brooke, don't give her that look. We both know she's right.I mean, I didn't think you had feelings. I thought you were just a shell of bitterness and self gratification.

BROOKE

Ooooh, and I just thought that maybe you would have changed your mind about this whole misunderstanding.

(Jason's calm demeanor melts at the mention of misunderstanding.)

JASON

It's nice to know you're still dellusion-

BROOKE

I'm not the delusional one! I-

JASON

Just stop, Brooke! I don't want to-

BROOKE

No, you just stop. I came over to try and patch things up.

JASON

And you think I would just let you in and forget about everything?

Brooke

It was a while ago. I hoped that with some time apart you'd see-

JASON

Yeah, that's not happening.

BROOKE

But why?

JASON

Because you cheated on me. Brooke, you lied to me. I used to love everything about you. Why do you want to go back to that, anyway? You weren't happy

DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!!! And scene. Well, actually, that's not the whole scene. It's just the beginning. But you get the idea. It's the first time Jason and Brooke have talked since the divorce has been finalized, and I really don't blame him for not wanting to be around her. Brooke is kind of a crazy person. I mean, who cheats on Jason Tyde?!?!??!?!?!!!! 

Any way, I have been busy busy busy. I am all moved in to my new place and love it, except on football game days because I live right next to the stadium. But, otherwise it's pretty fantastic. I'll try and update you a little more frequently. Okay, bye!!!

Oh, and for your viewing pleasure, my thoughts on #hashtags: