Hallmark is Dead to Me.

Anyone that knows me well knows that I am a Hallmark junkie. I watch ALL the movies, I watch all the shows. I watch everything on the channel, and I love it. Well...I did love it. Until last night. My guess is that hardly anyone will read this, and mostly I'm watching this for myself because I have never been so frustrated with writing and storytelling in my life...and I'm an ENGLISH MAJOR. Do you know how many crappy manuscripts and screenplays I've read?! And yet, the writers of When Calls the Heart managed to surprise me with some of the most manipulative and horrifying writing I've seen in a long time.

Major spoilers if I don't know you and you do watch When Calls the Heart but for whatever reason are not caught up to last nights episode. I'll just put this warning in big bold letters here:

SPOILERS for: When Calls the Heart, Downton Abbey, The Flash, Doctor Who, DC Legends of Tomorrow, Designated Survivor, Merlin and Jane The Virgin. If you are not current on most of these shows skip down to the big CONCLUSION section:

Jack is dead. Like, so so dead. Six feet in the ground, dead as a doornail, dead. He's not coming back.

This was frustrating to me because I have felt that the last season and a half has been severely lacking in any character development for our favorite mountie. He was gone for most of it which really makes it hard to love a character. And I realize that Daniel Lissing approached the writers and asked to be written out, that's fine. I actually mean it. It's really okay. Because there are ways to write out a character without making your entire fan base angry. Would you like some examples? Great, I've already got them ready for you:

Dan Stevens as Matthew Crawley in Downton Abbey. We all knew he was going before his character died, and I think it helped to prepare a little bit. He died in a car accident the day his son was born. Tragic, yes. Unbearable? No. We knew it was coming and were able to take solace in the fact that he and Mary had a son and that there was an heir for Downton. I still love Dan Stevens and have enjoyed watching his career. I still watched the show after he left. Because they didn't emotionally traumatize me.

Robbie Amell as Ronnie aka Firestorm on The Flash. Dude straight up flew into a giant swirling tornado above a city and never came back. He was not as well beloved as other characters, but his death was tragic because, much like Jack and Elizabeth, he married the girl of his dreams mere hours before he gave his life to save mankind. We watched as he went from being presumed dead, to really alive and then back to dead again. It might not have been as tragic because we began thinking that he was already dead, but it still hurt. Not to the point, I wouldn't watch the show, and three seasons later I'm still an avid fan.

Victor Garber as Martin Stein on DC Legends of Tomorrow. Speaking of Firestorm, Ronnie's other half, Professor Stein, was killed off just this year. He was a beloved character that brought so much to the show. His death was heroic and not entirely expected. Stein had previously announced he was leaving, so we were all expecting it. However, the writers didn't pull the rug out from under us, and we were able to shed tears and say goodbye to the professor without hating the writers or producers of the show. Again, still an avid watcher and fan.

Every actor that has ever appeared on Doctor Who. This show has a way of pulling you in, making you love a character and then ugly crying when they leave. I'll never forget Billie Piper's departure from the show. It was the first time I full on ugly cried over a fictional character. And they didn't even kill her off! They just put her in her own universe without the man she'd grown to love more deeply than anyone ever could love another person. Russell T. Davies was not afraid to kill characters off, and he did it in a way you cried and thanked him for the journey. THAT is good writing. That is how you properly kill a character off.

Natasha McElhorne as Alex Kirkman on Designated Survivor. She was the First Lady, and she got hit on her way home with her motorcade. I'm still not entirely sure how this storyline ultimately plays out, but that was insane, heartbreaking and also compelling. They killed off a main character without completely upsetting the fan base. Most of us are still reeling from it because the characters on the show are still dealing with it. Beautifully written scripts with amazing storytelling. Definitely still a fan of this one and I really liked Alex. Definitely still watching.

Bradley James as King Arthur on Merlin. This one was so hard to watch. He was King Arthur. He was supposed to live happily ever after with Guinevere. This death was devastating. It was the series finale, but it was so beautifully written that had there been another season, I would have watched every minute of it. And still, even with the devastating loss, I'm still a fan of the show.

Brett Dier as Michael Cordero Jr. on Jane the Virgin. He was such a driving force for the show. He was such a fan favorite and yet, they totally killed him off. He was young, married the main girl, they were talking about having another kid and his heart literally just stopped. It was tragic, I shed a few tears, but I didn't hate the show because the writers knew what they were doing.





CONCLUSION:

Now, I feel like I've given plenty of examples from several genres and all had the same result. I didn't hate the show after. But, with When Calls the Heart I honestly don't know that I want to keep watching, and this is why: I watch Hallmark for an escape from the harsh realities of the world.

I do not watch Hallmark to feel sad or anxious or worried. When you think hallmark you generally think of happy storylines that always seem to work out. And up until this season of the show, that was true. It has absolutely nothing to do with Daniel Lissing leaving the show. It has everything to do with how the writers chose to write him out.

Jack Thornton had to die. There really was no other way around it, and that's fine as evidence above. You CAN write out main characters without killing your fan base. I'm angry with the how. Jack spends a year in the Northern Territory, comes home and marries Elizabeth, we're all good, and then he gets sent off to train mounties. The issue I have is that he assured Elizabeth that he would be fine when the writers, the cast, and everyone except for the viewers knew that Daniel Lissing would not be returning. And then they intentionally lulled into a false sense of security because we all believed that he'd be okay because this is Hallmark. Had he died in the Northern Territories, we would have been okay for the most part. Had he died taking bad guys into Cape Fullerton, we would have been okay because he was a Mountie and his job is dangerous. BUT, to kill him off in a landslide while training recruits was a slap in the face to all who have come to regard Hallmark as a kind and uplifting brand that always has things work out even when people die. This was pulling the rug out from underneath us and then ripping our hearts out and throwing them in a running blender. I have never been this frustrated with writing and storytelling on a show in my life. And I survived the end of Chuck.

I am definitely still a fan of Daniel Lissing who has become one of my favorite actors and I hope he does a lot of amazing things with his career. I do not fault him for leaving and I do not fault the rest of the cast for the terrible choices the production team and writers came up with. If this is the direction that Hallmark is going, I don't think my loyalty will hold out much longer. I would like to say that I'll be back for Season 6, but it's not likely. I can't trust the makers of When Calls the Heart to not kill off another beloved character in a truly horrific manner.

I need light in the dark as I search for THE RESOLUTION....

As the new year has started, I purposely did not make any resolutions to do better. I didn't make any promises to myself that I would some how dramatically change now that a new year has started. But as the new year has begun rolling out, I can't help but feel a sense of urgency about a few things. I can be a bit of a slacker when it comes to things like writing on my journal, ironic, I know. But, I felt like I really ought to be keeping up with things of that nature. I have an incredible story to tell. Dull at times, yes, but also very exciting. This leads me to tell you all about one of the exciting adventures I'm starting this year! But first, a music video from Jack's Mannequin that is the title of this post:

A few weeks ago I was contacted by a classmate and asked if I'd be interested in writing a screenplay for someone. I said "absolutely!" and she sent the contact information to me. I emailed this guy who is needing a script ASAP and he responded and we started talking about the project. 

Guys. This is what I've been wanting to do with my life. Writing! Real things that will be made into real movies!! How fantastic is that?! It's very exciting, but currently I'm waiting. Always waiting.

In other news, have you guys heard of a bullet journal? I'm intrigued by the concept and have thought about starting one. I have a hard enough time coming up with things to blog about....well, to find time to blog about. I come up with topics every day and most of them get filed away in the back of my mind and at first they hope that I'll pull the file out again later, but it really hasn't happened yet...one day, perhaps. But the joy of bullet journaling is that it is meant to be a quick thing that reminds you of your life, and who doesn't need that. We may not want to remember things, but we need to. They help us to remember the struggles in life. The wait before something great happens in your life. It's excruciating, but it's necessary. And I want to do better at remembering it!

I am also starting another project. Another! I was baking for the holidays, enjoying the very busy week I had had. Writing, job interviews and the like, and in the middle of Cinderella, you know, the one that came out in 2015 with Lilly James, so I'm in the middle when the princes comes running to save her in the forest and he doesn't tell her who she is and this whole fairy tale unfolded in my mind. But it wasn't the classic one I grew up with. There wasn't actual magic or a fairy godmother, per se. There was the basic details of Cinderella with a twist. It took place in Solais and is a story Ian grew up with. Then, my mind just started going at a million miles an hour with a whole series of fairy tales with a Solais twist. It's actually helping me expand the universe I started to create when I started writing LIGHTS. This is giving the whole world more depth and character. Cinderella will take place in both Solais and a neighboring kingdom that controls fire in the same manner that Solais controls light. Cool, no? It is. It is cool. And there's a masquerade and Cinderella can't stand the prince at first and he can't stand her and they fall for each other without realizing who the other is. It's brilliant. There's also ballet involved and just a wonderful wonderful story that I can not wait to tell you about!!

And then, while I was binge watching some Hallmark movies, because I am sha
melessly addicted to them, I was watching one and this guy keeps popping up in them and I found him intriguing and so I went to find all of the hallmark movies he's in. Because I have, like, all of them. I wish I was joking, but I'm not. And I watched, like, four hallmark movies that he's in. I'm pretty sure that I want him to be a prince in one of my stories. Because everything I write, I write as if it were going to be made into a movie. Often when I describe a character, I am describing an actual person that I would like to portray that character at some point. And I would LOVE to have both Andrew Walker (the guy from all the hallmark movies) and Blake Lively in one of my fairy tales. And Anna Kendrick. I could go on and on. But I'll leave you with this very rough beginning to Cinderella:

There are always things that must be. The sun setting in the west. Hour follows hour and each day leads to the next. And just as there are things that must be, there are people that are destined to follow paths they never thought they could.

Once, a long time ago, there was a beautiful girl named Ethne. She had followed her dreams as far as she could and had achieved her greatest goal of starring in a real ballet company production. She was set to play the lead role in the New York City Ballet company's production of Firebird. She would be the firebird! She could not believe her luck! She practiced every day, all day. She gave her heart and soul for the opportunity and just days before opening night she found a ring box tucked away in a box filled with her mother's things. Her mother, sadly, had died when she was a girl. It had been years since she had even looked at the box, let alone opened it up. The hinges creaked as she gently lifted the lid to reveal a rather unusual ring. It had a celtic eternity knot around the band that entwined at the top holding a fiercely red ruby at the pinnacle of the ring. Ethne felt a pull coming from the ring and took it out of it's box and slid it gently on to her right index finger. It fit perfectly. As soon as the ring was in place, though, Ethne noticed things around her start to change. The setting sun through the window seemed to be brighter, and it almost looked like the sun was on fire, but that would be ridiculous. The sun couldn't be on fire. At least, not this close to where Ethne was. Or could it? Ethne glanced around the room, frantic for an explanation, but there wasn't one. Her lamp on the bedside table seemed to also grow in brightness until the room was consumed in a brightness that caused Ethne to cover her eyes.

She noticed the smell of the earth first, then as the brightness faded, she heard the sound of a bird singing as it flew overhead. It was a sound unlike any bird she had heard before. And there was a musical tone to the trees. Ethne opened her eyes and found herself no longer in her room, but in a very unusual forest. She gasped as she took in the view around her. The trees were taller and wider than any tree she'd ever seen. Not even the Redwoods she'd seen last summer could compare. And the silver veins that ran through the trunks was breathtaking and beautiful. A breeze danced around her and she noticed the tinkling sound of silver. She looked up into the branches of the trees and noticed that even the veins of the green leaves were silver.

Where have I gone to? She thought to herself, and before she could answer herself she heard someone running through the trees and then rush to a stop. A young man stood before her. His silverish gray eyes caught her attention first. Then his sandy blonde hair with the smallest hint of scruff on his face. He looked at her in amazement and she couldn't help but feel her expression must be similar to his.

Like I said, ROUGH rough draft. But, It's a start. So, there's still some other exciting stuff happening, but I can't tell you about it just yet. So, in the mean time, listen to this song. It aptly sums up how I feel about life right now. It's called So Close and it's from Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness and he wrote it last year when he felt like all of these amazing things were just around the corner.

He said it's that moment when you feel like everything is either going to work out or fall apart and you're so close to amazing things happening. That's how I feel. I'm so close to either finally moving forward with my life or having everything fall apart. And either way, it's going to be an amazing journey. I can't wait. I'm so excited for everything that's going on in my life right now. Even if I am just kind of waiting to see what pans out. It's finding joy in the journey, you know? So close. 

Sometimes life is just hard

My car died last week. Grayson. I had him for a year. Almost to the day. He was a good car. Got me from A to B. And from B back to A, or sometimes to C. But he always got me home. Man, he was a good car. Named him after Dick Grayson from the comic books. Because I'm a comic book nerd. And it wasn't overly obvious. I don't like to be in your face, generally, with what I do and don't like/obsess over. Like comic books. If you guys knew the extent that my level of comic book nerd actually was, you'd be surprised, I think.

Any way, Grayson died and I have had a while to contemplate what I'm doing with my life. I don't have a new job yet. #anyonewanttohireawriter? I am living in the basement of my childhood home, questioning my life choices. I have a degree that my dad thinks is useless and currently he's trying really hard not to say "I told you so." BUT, despite all the opposition waiting for me to fail, I feel like this is my time to keep pushing forward. Not stopping the momentum. Well, there's not really a lot of momentum at this particular moment. Mostly I just can't stop trying. I can't stop working hard to find that elusive new job. And reach for my amazing dreams. I don't expect to become a screenwriter tomorrow, that's the end game. But I can get a new job now that will take me to the next step that will take me to the next step that will eventually lead to me becoming a screenwriter and making Changing Tyde into a movie. And LIGHTS. Because I know that's what y'all want, right?! RIGHT!

So, today I sit on my bed in my room that is full of boxes I haven't unpacked. And won't unpack until I move again. And while I sit, I keep thinking about how awesome my life actually is. It's not where I want to be, but it's not a bad place to start from. This is only the beginning, peeps. Only the beginning.

And in honor of this moment, I will share with you a poem I wrote. It's for LIGHTS. And it's been published in a student journal at UVU. And has an odd resemblance to my life. Sort of. I'm not a dancer. Obviously. But, how many times do we come across something trying to hold us back? And we have to fight and in the end there's triumph and pirouettes. And sometimes those pirouettes are the cookies and not the dance move. Ha ha.

Shadow and a Dancer

Creeper creeps in

darkness and night.

Dancer twirls,

twists and turns

together in motion.

He hides behind

her watching, waiting.

turn. stop. lift. stop.

Seeing no one she

dances until dawn

when nothing remains.

Struggle and fight,

she pushes beyond

shadow falls

while light remains

triumph and pirouettes.  

Batman V Superman, and other things

First of all, here's 2 chapters of Changing Tyde that I completely changed. Let me know what you think. They're SUPER rough drafts, but you should get the idea:

Chapter 2 - Kyla

I didn't think about how hard it was going to be to pack up my apartment. I moved quite frequently through out my college experience, this should be a piece of cake. But this time was harder than any of the other times. Everything I touched had a memory with him attached to it. I found myself reliving the last three years over and over again, each item bringing the pain in a new light. At this rate, I'll never get packed in time.

I finish packing the last box in the living room. I need to be packed and ready to go in two days. I look around my still mostly full apartment and feel defeated. I tape up the box and set in on top of the others labeled with a thick black sharpie. I look to the half packed kitchen and don't even want to think about the bedroom. I've avoided the bedroom more than anything else. The memories that room holds will be worse than the rest.

It's just a one bedroom apartment. It shouldn't be this difficult. And yet, I've been packing for a month. Or, avoiding the packing for a month. I pick up another box, determined to tackle the kitchen tonight when my phone buzzes to life on the counter top next to the sink. It's my best friend and former roommate Shannon. I answer it.

“Hey! I was just calling to see if you needed any help yet?” She sounds cheerfully cautious.

“I thought I could do this by myself, but I think I've hit the point where I need some help. When are you free?” I ask, frustrated. But before I can even finish the question, there's a knock at the door. I walk over and open the door as Shannon ends the call and looks up at me.

“I'm glad you're willing to let me help because I was going to help whether you wanted it or not.” She informs me with all the sass that her southern drawl implies. I hug her, feeling like I might not fall completely apart with her here.

“Thank you, Shan. Ugh. I odn't know what I was thinking.” I tell her.

“You were thinking that you could whip this all out in a day and a half like all the times we moved from one apartment to the next. But this isn't like all the other times.” She states, and I know she's right.

“I just get frustrated so easily. I'll be packing a box in the kitchen and before I know it, I'm ugly crying over a skillet Nick's mom gave me at my bridal shower. It's so depressing. Are you sure you want to help?” I ask.

“I'm sure I want to help. What is the hardest for you to pack?” She asks, looking around at the progress I have made.

“I finished the living room, I was just about to start on the kitchen again. I haven't really touched the bedroom. I've kind of avoided that one the most. Do you want to work on the kitchen and I'll try working on the bedroom?” I try sounding optimistic and determined. Shannon just smiles at me and wraps an arm around me,

“How about we do the bedroom together?” She asks with an optimism I lost a long time ago. I nod and we head over to the bedroom.

It's not that I have a lot of stuff in my bedroom, it's just that was the last place I saw Nick. It's where we slept each night and where we talked for hours about our future. I had gotten rid of most of his stuff, but there were still memories everywhere I looked.

We had moved into this apartment as newlyweds and now I was leaving everything behind. Shannon started taking all of my clothes out of the closet and putting them in a box. She probably would have done the whole thing if I let her. But I couldn't let her do that, so I grabbed a box and started going through my drawers.

“Would you believe that I've already gone through everything in here, like, three times?” I say with a slight smile as I find pictures from my first date with Nick. I hold up the picture to show Shannon, “Remember this night?”

“How could I forget? You were so smitten by him. You couldn't stop talking about him. Which was hilarious because you swore you didn't like him.”Shannon reminds me. I laugh a little and put the pictures in a box.

“He caught me off guard. I wasn't supposed to meet anyone that semester.”

“And yet, the universe and Nick had other plans.” She responds. I laugh a little at the memories and keep going. Within an hour my bedroom is completely packed and we head to the kitchen.

I sit down at the table to rest for a minute. Shannon grabs a couple bottles of water out of the fridge for us and sits across from me.

“Was that easier?” She asks. I nod.

“I don't think I could have done that without you. Thanks.” I open the water and take a drink.

“I'm so glad. Is the kitchen all that's left?” She asks looking around.

“Yeah, pretty much. And it's half way there. The moving truck will be tomorrow. Leo and Mark are going down with me to help me move in down there and then they're flying back on Saturday. This is all happening so fast.”

“I know. I can't believe you're actually leaving me. What am I going to do without you?” She teases.

“Come visit me. I don't have a huge apartment, but I do have a couch. And I'm not far from the beach!” I tell her.

“Fine. You win. I'll be here tomorrow to help you load the truck.” She looks at me with concern. This isn't new. Everyone's looked at me like that for a year. It's what happens when your whole life gets turned upside down and you're left scrambling to put the pieces back together. It's how I look at myself in the mirror each morning.

Chapter 4 - Kyla

I pull into an empty parking spot. Spring is in full bloom as I walk slowly through the empty grass and walk the familiar path to the one place I have found myself most often over the last year. I'm glad no one else has decided to come visit so that I can say goodbye alone. I stop at the granite gravestone.

Nicholas Andrew Robinson

May 16, 1988 – January 20, 2015

Beloved Husband and Son

I place a small arrangement of Gerber daisies at the base of the stone and kneel careful down next to it. This place has become sacred ground over the last year while I have dealt with the loss of my best friend.

“Hey Nick. I finally got all packed up and am ready to go. Shannon came by and helped last night or I'd probably be ugly crying over a knife set we got for the wedding.” I try to laugh at the absurdity of the truth, “your mom promised to come by regularly and bring you flowers. I know it's a little ridiculous for us to bring you flowers when you really didn't like them, but it's our way to let you know we care about you still.” I'm rambling. To a gravestone. If Nick really were here, he'd be teasing me with that ridiculous grin and sharp green eyes. I can still see them as if he were truly standing in front of me.

“So. California. I can't believe it's actually happening. Mom and Dad are thrilled to have me closer. They offered me the guest suite at their house, but I just couldn't move back in with them. I'm not the little girl that left there anymore. I did get the apartment down on 6^th Ave. It's a small studio apartment, but it'll do until I get on my feet again. Besides it's just me.” I can feel all of my emotions ebbing and flowing and rising like a river. I wasn't supposed to be alone ever again.

“I guess I really just wanted to come and say goodbye. Not for forever. I plan to come back and visit. I guess I just wanted to let you know that you completely changed my life, Nick, and I'll always love you for that. You showed up when I thought I didn't need anyone and proved me wrong. I love how you changed everything about my life and made me a better person. I will never forget you, or our life together. I will treasure each day we spent together and even though I'm moving away and moving on, that doesn't mean I'm going to forget you. I could never forget you. I still love you so much that it hurts. My heart is still broken and as long as I stay here it will be. I think that's part of why I took this job so soon. Because as long as I stay here all I'll think about is losing you. And I don't think you'd want me to stay here and dwell on what was. I think you want me to be happy. So that's what I'm going to try and do. Move on and be happy. I love you, Nick. Always.” I wipe away the tears that have collected and stand up to walk away. The sun is setting in front of me and the light dances through the trees and across Nick's grave. I smile and turn to walk back to my car. The pain of saying goodbye is just as hard as it was the day he was buried here.

.....sooooooo.....what did you think??? I'm actually really curious. You should, maybe, leave your thoughts in the comments or something.

Also, went and saw Batman V Superman last night after I revised 46 pages of the above story. It was a crazy awesome day and then I went to the movies with Liam, which was a lot of fun. It was a pretty good movie. They referenced a lot of different comic book story lines, so I'm curious where they take this. In my dream world, I will work for DC as a screenwriter. It's going to be awesome and their movies will be great. Any way, let me know what you thought of Changing Tyde. I know it's a lot different from where the story started and I am so happy that I get to keep working on it!!

This is What Happens When You Graduate College

'''''I have been binge watching shows. I have been writing like a mad woman. I haven't left my room in days, other than to go to my job. I curled my hair the other day just to do something different. This is the life of a college graduate. I applied for jobs in New York, Chicago, Miami, Fort Collins and Salt Lake City. I don't actually think I'll get the one in New York, Chicago or Miami, but you never know unless you try, right? Those three are all writing jobs with magazines for entertainment and music stuff. Which would be fun. I would love it. But my real goal is screenwriting. Doesn't it just sound pretty? Screen-writing. scree-n-writing. scree-nwriting. Any way you say it, it sounds fun. And exciting.

I am an 80 year old woman. I think I've hit spinsterhood. Because when I watch movies and stuff, I totally embroider and do hand stitching and stuff. All I need is a few cats and I'm set for all eternity. But not really because I actually just really enjoy needlework. It's becoming a lost art.

I also rewatched some of The Lizzie Bennett Diaries. Have you guys watched them? There's 100 episodes on YouTube, they are 5-6 minutes a piece. Here's the first on just in case you haven't seen them:


I feel like this is now the story of my life, except my mom is not crazy. Nor is she trying to marry me off to some rich dude. But, I am a college graduate that is not married. And I live in Utah. People tend to worry about my chances of ever getting married. Because I'm single. And 30. SCARY. I think people worry that I'm not worried about it. But, it'll happen exactly as it's supposed to.

Um. I wrote something. It's probably awful, but I thought I'd share it any way. Here you go.

It's not that I couldn't tell him what I was thinking, it's more that I didn't want him to over think what I was already over thinking and thus perpetuate the cycle further. So, instead, I watched him walk away. The love of my life. My best friend. The only one that really understood me. I just stood there and watched. I didn't move an inch. In the rain. I left my jacket in the house. I hadn't expected him to just come in like that. And when he talked to me, I couldn't think clearly. I was so distracted by the sound of his voice that I couldn't hear his words. The fire in his eyes was so fierce I saw nothing else. He was upset, I think. And then he left as abruptly as he came. I ran after him. I needed to know what he said.

“Wait!” He stopped at the sound of my voice and turned around.

“I'm tired of waiting. All this time you knew and you never did or said anything.” His words were truth and I heard them now. A stabbing guilty pain settled in my stomach. I knew it wasn't going away anytime soon. He was right. I had known for months that he loved me and I avoided him because of it. Foolishly avoided him thinking it was for the best.

“It's better this way.” I said. Stupid stupid girl that I was. He walked over to me, grabbed my face and kissed me so fiercely that I think I stopped breathing. I had never kissed anyone before, but somehow my lips knew just what to do. My hands found their way to his side and I held close to him.

When he pulled away, he looked at me. Rain dripping down his face and off his eyelashes. He was looking at me different, now. And not in a good way.

“You're right.” He said and let go of my face. As he turned to walk away, I wanted to call out, but couldn't. Instead, I just watched him walk away. And he didn't turn back. He never turned back. And I stood there. Alone. In the rain. Unsure of what to do next. Knowing we'd never be the same.

And then, here's another snippet from a different (maybe) story. It's going to be a series that is pretty much written like a sitcom. Each chapter is an episode and each book is a season, if that makes sense. My goal is to publish it and then actually make it into a TV show. That would be awesome. Any way, here's another snippet for you:

The walls of apartment 314 were old. They were white-ish with many small holes from push pins and nails being shoved through them. If the walls could talk, they would tell you about the many pictures and frames that were placed upon them to invite people into the room. If the floors could talk, they would tell you about 2 a.m. Dance parties and stolen kisses from new found love. If the ceiling could talk, it would tell you about the slumber parties in the living room and Chopped marathons. If you could watch time pass, you'd see lives grow and change. You'd see girls become woman. You would find sisterhood.

Fall semester was supposed to start like any other. It was a new school year and a new group of girls were moving in. None of them knew each other, which was a first for this apartment. It hadn't been bare for many years and the landlord finally had a chance to update the apartment. A fresh coat of paint on the walls and new carpet and furniture were brought in just in time for the unsuspecting tenants to move in just before school started. Isabella was the first. She seemed very quiet and reserved as she unlocked the door and pushed open the brown door that still had tape stuck to it from flyers that had long since been taken down. She glanced around and took a deep breath in. Smelling the new paint she smiled a little to herself.

“I was right, they did redo this one before I moved in.” She said to an unseen friend behind her. As she enters, so does the friend. He is tall and almost has to duck to enter the doorway. He looks around, unimpressed and sets the three boxes he is carrying down in front of him. Isabella walks through the living room to the balcony that overlooks the parking lot. She opens the door and steps outside.

“You can see everything from here. I love it. I love this place. Come look, Jace!” Jason still seems unimpressed as he walks slowly over to the balcony and steps outside looking across the parking lot with her.

“Nice. It's great. You'll have so much fun here.” He speaks in almost a monotone. Isabella hits his arm with a playful expression.

“Come on, you'll love visiting me here!” she replies. She walks back inside and looks around the kitchen. It is completely empty and she smiles to herself as she opens cupboards and then closes them again. As she works her way down the row of cupboards, she notices the hallway leading to the rooms standing open. Light pours in from the three rooms into the hallway and she walks quickly towards them.

Um. I think that's all I have to say right now. It's late and I have no excuse for still being awake. I have no homework. I was applying for jobs, so I guess that's my excuse. With North and South playing in the background. Have you guys seen that mini series? Best four hours of your life. Then you, too, can fall in love with Richard Crispin Armitage. I know I sure did. And still am. He's replaced Tom Hiddleston in my life. No one thought that would happen, but it did. And now, I am going to sleep. Peace.

I'm NOT dead!!!

I thought I wrote a post or two this summer. Apparently I did not. Sorry about that. I feel like I write so infrequently that people have probably given up on me by now. To anyone still reading, thank you! You are truly a gem!

So, what's new with me? I started school again. This is the beginning of the end. It's kind of really scary. I moved home to save money, and have been writing up a storm. A lot of what I've been writing is really terrible, but has a lot of potential. This is the part of writing I dislike. The writing things out knowing that you're going to have to go back and rewrite it again. I know that in the end I'll be so happy with the result, but right now it's just hard to think about. All the work. All the edits. All the criticism. I try to not think about them and focus on the exciting beginning parts.

I wrote three stories on Thursday. In all three stories, someone dies. Apparently I am a killer, fictionally speaking.

I started a story about a girl who knows that she's unique and different than anyone else but has to hide who she is for a time because no one would understand who she is or how amazing she is. She's got super powers (because why not?!) and she meets a boy that looks like superman and they become friends. This is funny because she's the one with the super powers. ha ha. Here, I'll share a little bit of the story with you. It's a Flash Fiction piece, and it's a very very rough draft, but I hope you like it:

I was five. It was a Tuesday. Dad had just taken me to the comic book store. The newest Captain America comic had come out, so obviously I needed it. Mom never understood. Tuesdays were not her favorite days.

Dad's funeral was on a Tuesday. I remember because Mom took me to the comic book store after. I think she was trying to take my mind off of him dying, but she didn't realize that the whole trip permanently associated Tuesdays with Dad's funeral. She was a mess. Couldn't stop crying. No one could blame her. A widow at twenty eight with a freak for a daughter.

I was never like the other kids. Dad got that, Mom struggled. She always wanted the pretty little princess of a girl. I have always preferred comic books to fairy tales. This is really when my love for Tuesdays began. See, kids picked on me at school so the first Tuesday of my second grade year, Dad took me to the comic book store. Superman, Batman, Iron Man, all of them were there. I seemed to understand them, and they me. I drank them in like water on a hot day.

I grew up alone. Kind of like Spiderman; except without the radioactive spider bite. I was more like Superman in that I came by my “abilities” from birth.

My dad always told me that I was born with open eyes so I could take in everything. I still miss him sometimes. It's an odd sensation-missing someone. There's nothing you can do to see or hear from them again, and yet it's like they are just barely out of reach.

On this particular Tuesday, I was really missing Dad. I went to pick up the new Wolverine comic. Last weeks had been a cliffhanger and I was dying to know what happened. I walked in to the old store. It smelled like old books and cigarette smoke. A couple of kids played on the pinball machine. I saw Lenny, the owner.

“Hey kid. Come for the new one?” He sounded like he was from Brooklyn, which is funny because he grew up in Clevland.

“Yeah, you got it?” I asked, pretty sure of the answer.

“Is it Tuesday?” Was his response. Yes. It was Tuesday, most blessed of days. Lenny pulls it straight from the box and hands it to me. I hand over the cash with exact change. He counts it and laughs as he opens the register with a ding.

“I'll never understand how you do that.” He talks to me, but neither of us are actually paying attention to each other.

“It's a talent.” I say as an afterthought, completely engrossed in my new comic. I walk out the door without looking and run into something. My glasses go flying and I find myself sprawled on the ground, which has never happened to me before. I tend to be a little more on the Superman side in that aspect too.

“Hi, I'm Clark. I just moved here from Kansas.” He holds out his hand for me to shake. Is this guy for real?

“Hi, I'm Emi. I'm from here.” I say as I take his hand. We shake hands briefly and then he takes a step away to pick up my glasses. I put them back on, even though I don't need them and take him in. He's taller than me, has dark curl hair, I'm guessing his plaid shirt comes in several colors, and he probably owns them all. Before I get ahead of myself, I turn to him and say,

“So, Clark, how do you feel about Tuesdays?” A grin crosses his face.

“It's the best day of the week. Is that the new Wolverine comic?! I was just going to buy it!”

“Yes. And this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, Clark. I just know it.”

..... ...... .....so..... ........ .......what did you think? It's jumpy, timeline wise, but I have a hard time staying in one place. Especially when I'm working on LIGHTS, which I currently am. Ah LIGHTS. Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE that story? Time travel, attractive men, fighting, drama. *sigh* it's just so fantastic. I love it. 

I rewrote the beginning of LIGHTS and have added so much to the story. It is so much better than what I started with. The idea behind it is so much deeper and broader. Oh my gosh, I love it. SO. MUCH. 

I also have an idea in my head of who I would like to play both Ian and Donnavan in the movie (because it's totally going to happen). And here they are:

This guy, here, is who I see playing Donnavan. Dark hair, kind of mysterious, totally capable of being a completely devious character that is out to destroy all that is good and light. Yep. I have found my Donnavan. His real name is Jackson Hurst and he is from the TV show Drop Dead Diva, which is a favorite of mine. Total guilty pleasure show. The ironic thing is he plays a really nice decent human being on that show and I want him to be the villain. I think he can do it. 

And this guy over here is who I picture playing Ian. I actually met him last weekend at Comic Con, and it was further proof that I was right in wanting to cast him. He is a genuinely nice person in real life, which is always a plus. He's from the TV show Arrow as the main guy, Oliver Queen. His real name is Stephen Amell. 

And I know what you're thinking, But Sooz, WHAT ABOUT TOM?!?!?!?!?! It is indeed a very good question. But I can't cast Tom Hiddleston in all my movies. That would get boring. 

Well, I hope you have a fantastic week! Or month! Or however long it takes for me to write again!! 

Accomplished

There is a God in Israel, my friends. I PASSED MATH. Hallelujah!!!!! I can't believe it!!! I'm so happy!!! AND, I got A's in my screenwriting and English classes! Such a fantastic way to end the semester!

So, for Screenwriting we had to write a feature length work. I decided to make LIGHTS a movie. It was amazing and challenging at the same time. I turned it in to my teacher and got 4 single spaced pages of critique back. I have a lot of things to work on, but I am very excited for the challenge to make my story even better!! I'm so glad that I have this summer to focus on writing! It's the best!!!

TA-DA!!

I haven't written in a while, and I hope you all will forgive me. I am actually supposed to be working on Math homework right now, but I was just sooo excited to be finished! I can't believe it! It is finished. I have finally finished an entire story. I finished my screenplay today. All 110 pages of it. Done. Finished. Complete. Amazing. Ah, such a relief!!!! I am so proud of myself for FINALLY finishing an entire story! I still have edits to do. Oh, the edits. It is really cheesy right now because it's a rough draft. Such a rough draft, BUT, it is a finished draft. Oh my gosh. I can't believe I finished it!!! And now that I've accomplished one, I will work on others until they are all done and I'll tell all the stories!!! HOORAY!!!

Let's all be excited. Time to go watch the Late Night with Jimmy Fallon episodes I've missed because I'm doing homework. TA-DA!!! YAY!