Batman V Superman, and other things

First of all, here's 2 chapters of Changing Tyde that I completely changed. Let me know what you think. They're SUPER rough drafts, but you should get the idea:

Chapter 2 - Kyla

I didn't think about how hard it was going to be to pack up my apartment. I moved quite frequently through out my college experience, this should be a piece of cake. But this time was harder than any of the other times. Everything I touched had a memory with him attached to it. I found myself reliving the last three years over and over again, each item bringing the pain in a new light. At this rate, I'll never get packed in time.

I finish packing the last box in the living room. I need to be packed and ready to go in two days. I look around my still mostly full apartment and feel defeated. I tape up the box and set in on top of the others labeled with a thick black sharpie. I look to the half packed kitchen and don't even want to think about the bedroom. I've avoided the bedroom more than anything else. The memories that room holds will be worse than the rest.

It's just a one bedroom apartment. It shouldn't be this difficult. And yet, I've been packing for a month. Or, avoiding the packing for a month. I pick up another box, determined to tackle the kitchen tonight when my phone buzzes to life on the counter top next to the sink. It's my best friend and former roommate Shannon. I answer it.

“Hey! I was just calling to see if you needed any help yet?” She sounds cheerfully cautious.

“I thought I could do this by myself, but I think I've hit the point where I need some help. When are you free?” I ask, frustrated. But before I can even finish the question, there's a knock at the door. I walk over and open the door as Shannon ends the call and looks up at me.

“I'm glad you're willing to let me help because I was going to help whether you wanted it or not.” She informs me with all the sass that her southern drawl implies. I hug her, feeling like I might not fall completely apart with her here.

“Thank you, Shan. Ugh. I odn't know what I was thinking.” I tell her.

“You were thinking that you could whip this all out in a day and a half like all the times we moved from one apartment to the next. But this isn't like all the other times.” She states, and I know she's right.

“I just get frustrated so easily. I'll be packing a box in the kitchen and before I know it, I'm ugly crying over a skillet Nick's mom gave me at my bridal shower. It's so depressing. Are you sure you want to help?” I ask.

“I'm sure I want to help. What is the hardest for you to pack?” She asks, looking around at the progress I have made.

“I finished the living room, I was just about to start on the kitchen again. I haven't really touched the bedroom. I've kind of avoided that one the most. Do you want to work on the kitchen and I'll try working on the bedroom?” I try sounding optimistic and determined. Shannon just smiles at me and wraps an arm around me,

“How about we do the bedroom together?” She asks with an optimism I lost a long time ago. I nod and we head over to the bedroom.

It's not that I have a lot of stuff in my bedroom, it's just that was the last place I saw Nick. It's where we slept each night and where we talked for hours about our future. I had gotten rid of most of his stuff, but there were still memories everywhere I looked.

We had moved into this apartment as newlyweds and now I was leaving everything behind. Shannon started taking all of my clothes out of the closet and putting them in a box. She probably would have done the whole thing if I let her. But I couldn't let her do that, so I grabbed a box and started going through my drawers.

“Would you believe that I've already gone through everything in here, like, three times?” I say with a slight smile as I find pictures from my first date with Nick. I hold up the picture to show Shannon, “Remember this night?”

“How could I forget? You were so smitten by him. You couldn't stop talking about him. Which was hilarious because you swore you didn't like him.”Shannon reminds me. I laugh a little and put the pictures in a box.

“He caught me off guard. I wasn't supposed to meet anyone that semester.”

“And yet, the universe and Nick had other plans.” She responds. I laugh a little at the memories and keep going. Within an hour my bedroom is completely packed and we head to the kitchen.

I sit down at the table to rest for a minute. Shannon grabs a couple bottles of water out of the fridge for us and sits across from me.

“Was that easier?” She asks. I nod.

“I don't think I could have done that without you. Thanks.” I open the water and take a drink.

“I'm so glad. Is the kitchen all that's left?” She asks looking around.

“Yeah, pretty much. And it's half way there. The moving truck will be tomorrow. Leo and Mark are going down with me to help me move in down there and then they're flying back on Saturday. This is all happening so fast.”

“I know. I can't believe you're actually leaving me. What am I going to do without you?” She teases.

“Come visit me. I don't have a huge apartment, but I do have a couch. And I'm not far from the beach!” I tell her.

“Fine. You win. I'll be here tomorrow to help you load the truck.” She looks at me with concern. This isn't new. Everyone's looked at me like that for a year. It's what happens when your whole life gets turned upside down and you're left scrambling to put the pieces back together. It's how I look at myself in the mirror each morning.

Chapter 4 - Kyla

I pull into an empty parking spot. Spring is in full bloom as I walk slowly through the empty grass and walk the familiar path to the one place I have found myself most often over the last year. I'm glad no one else has decided to come visit so that I can say goodbye alone. I stop at the granite gravestone.

Nicholas Andrew Robinson

May 16, 1988 – January 20, 2015

Beloved Husband and Son

I place a small arrangement of Gerber daisies at the base of the stone and kneel careful down next to it. This place has become sacred ground over the last year while I have dealt with the loss of my best friend.

“Hey Nick. I finally got all packed up and am ready to go. Shannon came by and helped last night or I'd probably be ugly crying over a knife set we got for the wedding.” I try to laugh at the absurdity of the truth, “your mom promised to come by regularly and bring you flowers. I know it's a little ridiculous for us to bring you flowers when you really didn't like them, but it's our way to let you know we care about you still.” I'm rambling. To a gravestone. If Nick really were here, he'd be teasing me with that ridiculous grin and sharp green eyes. I can still see them as if he were truly standing in front of me.

“So. California. I can't believe it's actually happening. Mom and Dad are thrilled to have me closer. They offered me the guest suite at their house, but I just couldn't move back in with them. I'm not the little girl that left there anymore. I did get the apartment down on 6^th Ave. It's a small studio apartment, but it'll do until I get on my feet again. Besides it's just me.” I can feel all of my emotions ebbing and flowing and rising like a river. I wasn't supposed to be alone ever again.

“I guess I really just wanted to come and say goodbye. Not for forever. I plan to come back and visit. I guess I just wanted to let you know that you completely changed my life, Nick, and I'll always love you for that. You showed up when I thought I didn't need anyone and proved me wrong. I love how you changed everything about my life and made me a better person. I will never forget you, or our life together. I will treasure each day we spent together and even though I'm moving away and moving on, that doesn't mean I'm going to forget you. I could never forget you. I still love you so much that it hurts. My heart is still broken and as long as I stay here it will be. I think that's part of why I took this job so soon. Because as long as I stay here all I'll think about is losing you. And I don't think you'd want me to stay here and dwell on what was. I think you want me to be happy. So that's what I'm going to try and do. Move on and be happy. I love you, Nick. Always.” I wipe away the tears that have collected and stand up to walk away. The sun is setting in front of me and the light dances through the trees and across Nick's grave. I smile and turn to walk back to my car. The pain of saying goodbye is just as hard as it was the day he was buried here.

.....sooooooo.....what did you think??? I'm actually really curious. You should, maybe, leave your thoughts in the comments or something.

Also, went and saw Batman V Superman last night after I revised 46 pages of the above story. It was a crazy awesome day and then I went to the movies with Liam, which was a lot of fun. It was a pretty good movie. They referenced a lot of different comic book story lines, so I'm curious where they take this. In my dream world, I will work for DC as a screenwriter. It's going to be awesome and their movies will be great. Any way, let me know what you thought of Changing Tyde. I know it's a lot different from where the story started and I am so happy that I get to keep working on it!!

The Freaking Queen of Unrequited Love

Don't let the post title upset you, it's not quite as bad as you are probably thinking it is. I am doing good!!! Great, actually. But, seriously, I am the queen of unrequited love. It's kind of crazy. And now, you're thinking OH NO!!! What happened with DJ!?!?!?!?!!!! Well, let me tell you a little story....

So, once upon a time I went to a bonfire and DJ and I were flirting and having so much fun and it was a great night. The details have started to fade, but it was a great night. I was on cloud 9 at the end. And then, I saw him the following Monday and it was fun and there was more flirting. And then that Thursday something happened, and everything changed. I couldn't pin point exactly what it was, because there wasn't a single event that happened. And then, that Saturday night, I was talking to Liam. I had absolutely no intention of asking about DJ or anything like that, and then all at once I heard the words coming out of my mouth:

Soozee: So, Liam, you'd tell me if you had any information about DJ, right?
Liam: Ummmm......I somehow knew you were going to ask that...
Soozee: Not that I'm trying to put you in the middle or anything, but if you know anything I should know....
Liam: *silence, but he has that expression that says he has something to tell me*
Soozee: Liam, are you telling me I should walk away?
Liam: *silence*
Soozee: Are you telling me I should just walk away? Because if so, I need to know that....
Liam: *long pause* walk away.
Soozee: Okay, that's what I needed to know....does he want to be friends with me, or not even that?
Liam: Oh, he definitely wants to be friends.

And then the crazy emotional girl took over in my head and ran around like crazy for three days. Now, I am not the crying type of girl. For the next three days I cried. And was so emotionally a mess. It was crazy. I am not THAT girl, you know? Totally not. AND, I had been telling myself the whole time not to get attached. I barely even know DJ, and yet I am sobbing over the loss of a future I didn't even have. What the heck is wrong with me, you know???

So, the thought kept coming to me that the only way I was going to find any peace would be if I talked to DJ directly. And the thought of talking to him scared me to death. But, after two failed attempts I finally asked him if we could talk and he said he was close by my apartment, so I met him up on campus and we talked about some random stuff. I didn't know exactly how to bring up what Liam had said, I also didn't want to tell him what Liam had said because I did feel like I should try to be friends with him. SO, I said something to the affect that Liam had said something to me in regards to him (DJ) and that I knew that I needed to talk to DJfor the truth. Yes, I totally threw Liam under the bus. He's been acting kind of weird, so it could have been a legit concern; and honestly, it was a legit concern. DJ confirmed that we were friends and that he hoped he hadn't done anything that would cause me to think otherwise. I explained that he had always been nice to me (which he always has been-he hasn't always remembered to let me know if he was or was not coming to something, but he has never been mean), and that was what fueled my confusion.

It was a very good talk, and I finally found the peace I had been searching for all week. At the end of the conversation, DJ mentioned he had been dating this girl on again off again for a little while and the previous night he had taken her on a date and they had talked about taking their relationship to the next step. Now, whether that means he's getting engaged, or just has a serious girlfriend I don't know. But she told him she needed to think about it and went to the woods for the weekend. He is hopeful, and I hope the best for him. If she breaks his heart, I'll still be his friend and maybe there will be a chance. If she realizes how great he is and they get married or something, then good for him and I wish him every happiness. I don't feel like I should completely walk away yet. So, I have a great friend named DJ. And, this talk with him really kind of solidified our friendship; kind of taking Liam out of the mix, which really is a good thing. Not that I don't love Liam, he's a great guy. BUT, it is really better for me to be friends with Liam, and DJ independently of each other. Although, apparently Liam talks about me all the time to DJ. All good things, apparently, but yeah. That was interesting. DJ also mentioned in our chat that I am a very kind and loving person "which I know you've heard before. I know you probably hear that a lot, because that is who you are." I like that he has noticed who I am, and not just that I am incredibly awkward.

And, can I ask just one favor from all of you great readers? Can you not feel sad or sorry for me? I know that sounds odd, but after I talked to DJ I was actually really happy and at peace. Yeah, I think he's an amazing guy and I love talking to him and getting to know him better, but this is exactly where I'm supposed to be right now. I know that this is where I am supposed to be. I don't think I could be more heartbroken than I was last Sunday through Tuesday and I would have gladly taken any sympathy then, but after a lot of prayer and inner searching, I have found the peace I needed in my life right now.

Any way, that is the story. I feel so much better about the situation knowing all of the story. And yeah, it sucks that DJ is kind of or maybe is dating someone, but for whatever reason, we're supposed to be friends right now. I guess we'll see what it all means soon enough. But I really am fine. :)

And now, for your listening pleasure, the song that has been stuck in my head for 5 days now!!! For some reason, the song Mirrors by Justin Timberlake has been playing on repeat in my head and I can't get it out. Ale says it's Jesus talking to me through Justin Timberlake, but that is kind of debatable. I would post the music video, but it was weird, so I posted the lyrical music video which is better any way. Enjoy!!!

Update

Well, I figured you'd all kill me if I didn't update you about last Saturday night when I went to Liam's bonfire and DJ was there. I have since become Facebook friends with him, and I'm pretty sure we've both stalked each other out. He is 25, I think...I'm guessing...any way, he helped me out with writing this letter and so I made him Snickerdoodles and took them to the bonfire. He was very happy to get them. It was a lot of fun. I just love being around him. He's usually really positive and I just feel good around him.
    Preface: a couple of my friends were there with the determination to observe DJ and see how he acts around me. I didn't really want them to do this, but I didn't have much say in the matter. So, my friends kind of creeped around a bit and I talked to him a little bit which was fun. I had convinced myself that there was no interest on his part, but now I'm not sure. BUT, one thing I know for sure is that he has a much higher regard for me than I realized. I feel like I am getting to know him a little bit better each time I see him and I love that. I could tell you a bunch of stories from Saturday night, but what it all comes down to is that he likes me, even if its just as a friend. And for me right now that is totally fine because no matter what the future holds, nothing will happen without a good, strong friendship to build on.
     So, tonight I went over to a friend's apartment. She lives in the same complex as DJ and I usually find myself there on Monday nights after FHE. Tonight we were sitting on her balcony (which I didn't exactly like because I kind of have a huge fear of heights). BUT, it was fun to talk to people from the third floor. So, it was getting late and I decided to go home. I was starting to get up from where I was sitting when I see DJ pull in and get out of his car. My friend decided that we needed to talk to him. So, she calls out to him and asks if he remembers meeting her, which he says he thinks so, which made me smile because the second time I saw him two weeks later he remembered my name and meeting me. Any way, he came over and didn't see me there at first and when he did he stopped walking and started talking to me. Well, its hard to talk to someone from the third floor, so I told my friend good bye and walked downstairs to talk to DJ.
    I had been a little nervous to talk to him because I accidentally sent him a text meant for someone else during church yesterday...it was slightly awkward and so in my head that automatically meant that I had ruined everything. BUT,  he just laughed about it. I just hadn't heard from him since, so obviously I freaked out about it. I'm a girl. I do that sometimes. Any way, we were talking about testimony meetings and he asked if I had gotten up in Sacrament meeting and I said I hadn't because I feel weird getting up in wards that aren't my own, but that I usually do because I have a lot to be grateful for. So he asked what I was grateful for today and I said I was grateful for my family and he asked why. So, I told him about my sister in law that I had stopped by to see earlier today and how she is always really great to talk to (as are all of my sisters in law. You guys are all so amazing!!!) and we just talked about family and how awesome they are and it was really great and I like talking to him. And he makes me really happy. And he always seems happy to see me. I think he was surprised to see me tonight, because I think he forgot that I have other friends in those apartments, other than him. But he seemed genuinely happy to see me. And he still gets cuter everytime I see him, and currently we have plans for Saturday with a bunch of friends. It's going to be so much fun! I can't wait. I'm really excited! We're going to watch a movie outside and it's going to be great. And then I'll have more to say. And you'll get another update. Unless everything falls apart in the meantime. That would be terrible. Let's not think about that. Lets think happy positive thoughts!

SUMMERTIME!!!!!!!!! (this is kind of long, but you'd kill me if I shortened it, I promise!)

So, I'm just going to throw a bunch of info at you and you're going to work through it and have fun with it, k? K. So, I moved!!!! YAY!!!!! I moved to the great city Northward. Okay, not the GREAT city, I just moved to Provo-ish area. Student housing. AWESOME! I have great room mates and I live 5 minutes from work (woot woot!!). It's a lot of fun. Pictures to come shortly.

     Now for the part you've all been waiting for. I met a boy. DON'T FREAK OUT. NOTHING HAS HAPPENED YET. And, I'm not counting on anything happening. I think he'll be a good friend. And that's all that I'm hoping for. Even if he could potentially be the man of my dreams. Because, seriously, he could be. But I don't know if he is or not. So, here's the run down on him. I went to a party at Liam's house. I didn't really think much of it because his parties are huge and I was really only there because he's one of my best friends and I didn't want him to know that I don't absolutely love his parties. Because they're fun, but there's SO MANY people there. So many. And I don't do well with crowds of people. Any way, I wen to the party and Liam had mentioned earlier that he was having a DJ come and it was going to be SUPER AWESOME. This did not help my wanting to go because that meant dancing, and I don't dance. It's not that I can't dance, its that I don't. 

     So, the night of the party comes around and I made cupcakes for it, because I always make treats for Liam's parties, because you never know who might be there. I showed up at the party and one of my friends was leaving with her boyfriend that I don't approve of (not that my opinion matters), and Liam was happy to see me, as always, and Ale was there, and a ton of other people from the ward. I was talking to people when Liam is like "Hey look, my friend is here!" and at that moment, this guy walks back with his speakers and DJ type stuff. I didn't think much of him, and then he turned around. I didn't get a good look at his face, but when I saw him-like actually saw him there-my initial thought was 'hmmm, maybe you should talk to him'. But I ignored it for a while.

     And then I found a moment to talk to him. I don't have a nickname for him yet, maybe we'll just call him DJ because he was the DJ, yeah, that works. SO, DJ is a writer. We talked writing for a while, and he didn't think my ideas for stories were crazy, which was awesome. He has a bachelor's degree in English, and is going to law school now. He works at the temple with Liam, another awesome thing about him. And he is kind of cute. And he inspired me. In the 10 minutes we talked he was asking me about Changing Tyde and was like "so it's kind of like a fairy tale" and it hit me like a brick wall that Changing Tyde very much is like a fairy tale. I love it! New life for a story I've been stuck on for forever! YAY!!! And he was telling me about some of the stories he's been working on, and they sound really cool. 

     Then, the party continued on, and I didn't really get the chance to talk to DJ again, but it was fun. AND THEN, Ale did a not very nice thing. She tricked me and I ended up dancing with this guy that I really don't get along with. It was creepy, and weird. AND, Ale recorded it on her phone. and won't delete it. AND, NO, you can't see it. 

    So, a few of my friends were like "you should ask for DJ's number!!!" and I was like "no." and they kept trying to convince me to do it, but I didn't and when I left DJ noticed and said "oh, are you leaving?" (mind you, it's about 1 AM at this point) and I tell him yes, and he says something like "Well it was really great to meet you." And there's a weird lingering high five and then I walked away. And my thought was 'if I'm supposed to see him again, it'll happen...somehow'. And that is the end of the story......

Here: watch this video! It's kind of funny!!!

And this one too!!!

okay, alright, I'll tell you more of the story, because of course it doesn't end there!! :) 

So, there I was, all alone and moved in to my new place. I went to church and met some nice people. They are all a bit younger than me, but that's okay, I'm used to it. Most single people are younger than me these days. I talked to Ale about DJ and she had mentioned that lots of people thought the DJ and I were a match made in heaven and, apparently, one of my friends didn't go talk/flirt with him because she thought that he was perfect for me. OH, and my room mate kept text Liam asking when he was going to stop by with DJ. It was all a bit much. He didn't ask for my number, I didn't ask for his, there was no indication (that I am aware of) that DJ was at all interested in seeing me again, or even remembering that he met me. 

That Friday night I ended up hanging out with Liam and explained that I thought DJ was cute, and he seems like an incredible guy, but taht I was not expecting Liam to set me up with him or anything. I really just wanted to get to know DJ better and become friends because we are both writers, and i could use some writer friends these days. Liam agreed and said that he wanted DJ and I to get to know each other better especially because we are both such awesome people (his words, not mine, though I'm not disagreeing). 

Jump forward to the next Friday morning. I get a text from Liam asking what I am doing on Saturday night. I tell him that I'm not doing anything, to which he informs me that I am going to a party at DJ's apartment with him. I tell him okay and that is that. 

Come Saturday, I am a little bit nervous and slightly anxious, mostly because I'm afraid that DJ is going to be like "who is this weird girl with Liam?" But he wasn't like that at all. And I looked cute. Like Tango approved outfit and hair cute. And when we walked in DJ was like "Hey! It's my friend Liam!!!" and I thought he had forgotten me, but no! "And hey! It's Soozee too! Awesome! Glad you could make it!" I may have smiled kind of a lot. He remembered who I was. Props to him. And the party was fun. We watched Emperor's New Groove and it was fun.

K, so you know when you meet someone and you think they're cute, but it's also kind of dark when you meet them, and then you don't see them for a few weeks and then you see them and they're not as cute as you remembered them being? yeah, I was worried about that happening, but it totally didn't. DJ was actually cuter than I remembered. And, he's a hug-er. He gives hugs. I don't know why I am always becoming friends with guys that love to hug, not that I mind. I mean, I know I have that whole "don't like to be touched" thing, but that's really for people that I don't know or don't like. If I think you're cute, then I don't mind if you hug me. I digress, moving on. DJ is cute. And his movie night was fun. And, when we were talking to him after I found myself asking if he wanted to come to a pizza night at my apartment the next week. And he said yes. And then asked if I had his number so I could text him the details. I told him I didn't, so he asked if I had a phone and I gave it to him and he put his number in my phone. It was pretty great. And as we walked away, Liam also seemed happy about how things had progressed with DJ. 

Lets move forward to Wednesday night. Liam was there, and Ale, and DJ was super late. BUT, he came. And I think he gets a little bit cuter every time I see him. I had made chicken alfredo pizza and mini chocolate tarts. Neither of which lasted very long. DJ agreed that I make amazing pizza, which I was actually worried about because we had previously had a discussion about amazing pizza and he said that the pizza in Italy (where he served his mission) was the best he'd ever had. So, when he said my pizza was amazing, I was really happy. And then someone suggested that we go see the new Star Trek movie. I said I didn't really have the money to go, but DJ (without skipping a beat) offered to pay for me, and we all went. Ale, and one of my room mates that came said that they felt like DJ and I were on a date and they just happened to be there too. I didn't really get that vibe, but it was fun. I was able to talk to DJ for a minute. He grew up in northern Utah, his favorite color of all time is green, and his favorite cookie is Snickerdoodles. I mentioned that I happen to make really great Snickerdoodles, which he said he did not doubt because I am an amazing cook. TA-DA! I'm amazing. So, the movie was good. My flip flop flipped off my foot and landed behind the seat in front of me shortly after the movie started which sucked, but had no bearing on the quality of the movie. I like Benedict Cumberbatch who plays Kahn, so that was awesome. I thought the story was well developed and the actors did a good job. Also, the one liners were pretty great. All in all, if you liked the first one, you'll probably like the second one as well. 

So, I didn't think I'd get to talk to DJ again. We had tennative plans for later that week that moved to next week, and new I'm not exactly sure when we're going to get together again, but it's all good. 

And then last night happened. I met up with Ale and my friend who has the boyfriend I don't approve of and it was alright. To be honest, I had more fun when it was just me and Ale talking. And hopefully said friend with boyfriend doesn't read my blog. If she does, then we will be having a conversation soon about how I really feel and how I hide my true feelings. I'm a horrible person,  I know. Any way, I had asked Liam what he was doing in case he wanted to come hang out with us. he didn't get back to me until he was off work which, by that point, everyone had gone home. So, I asked if he was doing anything because I didn't feel like going home yet. He mentioned he was at DJ's apartment and that I should come by. So, I did. 

Did you know that DJ plays the violin? He plays quite well, in fact. And the guitar. And he can sing. AND, he's smart. And, he gets cuter every time I see him. AND, I kind of asked what he was doing this weekend and if he doesn't end up going to Montana, we're probably going to do something at some point. 

BUT, I don't expect things to go anywhere with DJ. I think he's adorable, but, now that I've posted this here, I've jinxed myself and it will all fall to apart. Which, lets be honest, it would have done all on its own. Not that I don't want anything to happen, I'm just trying to be realistic and not get my hopes up. Because the odds of him wanting to date me are not usually in my favor. And don't get upset with me. I know I'm a wonderfully fantastic person, and there should be a line at my door if guys actually saw how amazing I am. But they don't always see it, and that really is okay. A line at my door would be terribly inconvenient for everyone. And then I'd feel obligated to be nice to them, and cook for them, since they are waiting at my door and all, and it just wouldn't be fun. SO, I'm happy with where I am, and more importantly with WHO I am. DJ is a friend, and I love being friends with him. It's so much fun. He's such a nice guy. And I love that I get to know him a little bit better every time we hang out. It's fantastic! And this post is REALLY long and if you're still here CONGRATS!!!! I should make you cookies or something! How about Snickerdoodles?? ha ha ha!!!

     

Ale

I have a friend. Well, I have a few friends, but this one in particular is a friend that feels she deserves a shout out on here because I've mentioned her a few times but never given her a name on my blog or anything. Let's call her ALE. or Ale. because I forget to all caps things sometimes. So, Ale is a very good friend and she knows a lot of other friends including Maddie and Tango and Tex and Digger and Liam and Logan. She never met AHG though. Any way, Ale is a really awesome friend who I let read this here blog. I claim temporary insanity because I actually go crazy when people read my writing in front of me. And with Ale as my witness, I was going crazy as she read. She really wanted to read the Digger saga (because I have decided it was a saga). She was friends with him too, and looking back, I was so blind to so many things and defended him when I should have just let him walk out of my life. However, if I hadn't been hurt by Digger, or if I hadn't gone through all of that then I wouldn't have been a jerk to Liam and he wouldn't have proven me wrong when I believed that all men are scum. I wouldn't have given Liam the chance to show me that some guys really are great.
    Moving away from Ale for a minute, I recently had a conversation with Liam about how we felt about each other. we're just good friends, and I am totally okay with that. He's a great guy, but not someone I really want to date right now. He asked Ale if he'd ever broken my heart, which I thought was sweet, but that is Liam. He's a really sweet guy. I told him that he had never broken my heart, which is true. I never gave it to him, really. I never gave him the chance to break it. But I am glad to have him in my life. He pushes me to be a better person and there is a level of mutual respect between us that I have never had with anyone else. Ale fights with him a lot, but if anyone ever says anything bad about him, she'll be the first one to knock you to the ground.
     I've got more to say, but I'm kind of tired, so I'll write more soon, I promise!!!

Best Day EVER!!!!

So, I'm a couple of days late on writing this, but it was my birthday, so I assume you will all forgive me. If not, that's dumb. It's my birthday....or it was two days ago. Any way....it was my BIRTHDAY!!! I love my birthday! It's such a FABULOUS day!!!! I am actually going to post again when the write up about my cake goes live in the next few days, but lets just say that my cake was very me this year. Yeah, and it was AWESOME. the end. Oh, and Logan didn't come over when I invited friends over. But that's okay. I really didn't think he would, and that's okay. Liam, on the other hand, has been really really sweet lately; which isn't entirely unusual for him, it just seems a little bit more than usual. I don't know what is going on there.
    Any way, last week Tango and I went to see Ellie Goulding in Salt Lake, and before you think to yourself  'who on Earth is Ellie Goulding???' here is the song most of you have heard of hers:

and now I'm guessing your next thought is "Um....Soozee....that was kind of a weird music video...." yeah, I know, but it's a me and Tango thing. AND, that's what he got me for Christmas. AND, it was a lot of fun. Other than the stupid guy a few rows in front of us that kept jumping up and down right in front of me........I don't like to be touched (then why did I go to a concert?!?!?!) and there was soooo many people there. It was insane, and that guy kept blocking my view. I really wanted to throw something at him, but that would have caused a riot, and I didn't want that. SO, I enjoyed the concert and made fun of the drunk people. Plus, I went with Tango and that was a lot of fun. He and I don't usually go do stuff just the two of us outside of work, so it was just a fun night. Full of fog...that was scary. But we survived. And it really was sooo much fun! She is really really good live. Like, she sounds like she did in the video; only it was in real life. Crazy.

Before we went to the concert, we were meeting up with Tex and his wife (I don't think I've mentioned her before, lets call her Maddie) So, Tex and Maddie live in Salt Lake and we were going to meet up for dinner. So, we met them at their apartment and all headed over to the restaurant  and Maddie was like "Our table is over here" and I was just thinking she had called ahead or something, so we follow her and when we get to the back of the restaurant, there's a big group of people at the tables. I was a little curious, and then I realized that I knew a bunch of these people! Liam was there, along with a couple of other friends! It was so crazy, I was soooo surprised! Maddie had planned a surprise party for both Tex and I (because Tex's birthday is the day before mine) and had invited all of our friends! It was so awesome! And she made me this book and had asked a bunch of my friends and my parents to write in it. It was super cute! She is so sweet! She and I have become best friends over the last few months, and she is just so awesome! It was a crazy weekend last weekend.

Oh! And before I went to dinner (you're getting the events backwards, but I'm sure you'll figure it all out in the end!), I went to lunch with one of my oldest friends. she told me she had gotten me a present and to close my eyes so she could give it to me. We were standing outside her bedroom and she opened the door to her bedroom and told me to open my eyes. I did, and there stood a life size cardboard cut out of David Tennant as The Doctor on Doctor Who!!!!!! I was speechless and could not move! It was crazy! He now resides in my room, and scares me to death every once in a while when I forget he's there. It's kind of scary to walk in and a tall looming figure is in your room. And then you realize he's flat and then you remember he's the Doctor and it would never be a bad thing to run into him. So yeah, that was my birthday pre-weekend. It was a lot of fun!!! 

A moment of gratitude

I talk about my feelings sometimes. BUT, most of the time I try to keep them to myself. You know, the ones that hurt, the ones that are hard to deal with. I don't like people to know how weak I really am. I don't like people to think I can't do things on my own. So, I joke and I pretend that I'm all right when sometimes I am really falling apart inside. Last week I had a few of those days. It wasn't any one thing in particular, and I know that some people reading this will be surprised because they saw me last week and everything was fine. For the most part it was fine, and I have an AMAZING family that I love dearly. They make hard days better. They help me through difficult days just by being in my life. I really couldn't ask for a better family than the one that I have. Any way, I was with some friends on Saturday night and we were having so much fun and I had put the stresses and concerns and overwhelming fears that had been plaguing me all week to the back of my mind. I was there to have fun. Liam had said he was coming when he got off work and so I sent him a text to see if he was still planning on coming. I didn't think much of it because he isn't very quick on responding. We all had a great time and at around midnight everyone went home I talked to my friend that was hosting the party and while I was talking to her Liam responded. He'd been unable to text me back all night and finally had a moment to. He'd forgotten about the party (which really isn't a surprise...he's kind of forgetful). I have to explain something about Liam, he's one of those people that has to get the last text in. No matter what I text him, he will always ALWAYS text me back. So, I told him not to worry about feeling bad (because he mentioned how sorry he was) and figured we were done, but he text me back and so we kept talking and he asked me how my Thanksgiving was. I told him it was fun, but the week had been really emotionally stressful and I was glad it was over. I have no idea why I told him this. I'm still a little baffled by my complete honesty with him. ESPECIALLY because he's a fixer. He wants to fix things when he knows/thinks something is wrong. And I just gave him the perfect opening to an "are you okay? What can I do to help" text, which I promptly did receive. I told him I would be fine and that I would be much better in two weeks (when finals are done and I am free for a few weeks!!). He asked if I was sure, and I said that I was. Then, Sunday came and although I saw him at church, I didn't get to talk to him until after church. We were talking with a group of mutual friends and I figured he'd forgotten about the texts I'd sent the previous night, but when he left he gave everyone a high five, and after high fiving me, he then gave me a hug and asked if there was anything at all he could do for me. I almost started crying...which has been happening a lot lately. Any way, I told him I would be fine and I could tell he wasn't convinced, but we both went home. Fast forward to ward prayer. I'm in charge of ward prayer with one of my friends. We have a lot of fun together, and she and I were talking when Liam came up. He was leaving and wanted to say goodbye. We walked outside and stood there talking to him for a few minutes. A few other people came out and joined an when he left he again gave everyone high fives and then gave me a hug again. This time he told me everything would work out and I'd be fine and to trust in the Lord. After he left, my friend and I were talking and she mentioned that a few people had commented to her how they wish they had a friendship with Liam like I do. I have known for a while that he and I were good friends, but I didn't realize it was that noticeable to those around us. I am so grateful for Liam. He has been such a great and amazing friend. He has reminded me time and time again that there are great guys out there. They do exist and I need to be patient and wait for my amazing guy to show up in my own life. He has been hope when I've had none. He has become one of my best friends, which is hilarious because I have been more brutally honest with him than I have ever been with any other guy. And at the end of the day, I know that if I ever did need something, I really could call Liam and he'd be there to help me. And for that, I am eternally grateful. We all need friends we can count on.

Hello Fall, I'm glad we're friends.

It's fall time. I love fall time. It starts cooling down and the leaves start changing. Its this time of year that I really really miss North Carolina. The trees there are everywhere and I absolutely loved it when they fell all over the ground and made everything a little more colorful. A-MAZING.
    School started and I along with it. I'm taking some English classes (surprise surprise) and at the beginning of the semester I had this feeling just couldn't shake. Its hard to explain unless you've felt it, but I have only ever felt it one of time in my life, and that was the day I knew my mission call was waiting at home while I was not at home. Its the craziest feeling EVER. You may be wondering why exactly I was feeling this feeling again. I'm not going on another mission. I'm not really anticipating any huge new development in life, and yet the feeling would not leave me. It stuck around like the smell of cupcakes you are making for someone else. its actually kind of horrible in a non horrible way. Like I said, I can't really explain it. I still don't know what it was all for, but I'm back to my routine of work/school/social life/sleep....be jealous.
    I hung out with Liam last week, just he and I, which has never really happened. It was crazy/fun. He's such a cool guy. I'm really glad we are friends.
    I met a new guy at church on Sunday. Lets call him new guy, or NG. He's not from around here, and he's not like super duper attractive. He's actually kind of average looking, and yet, I am drawn to him. I met him Sunday and have hung out with him everyday since then. Yesterday we talked for about an hour. He's a really cool guy and I am really excited to get to know him better. watch for details, if ever there are any. :)
    The Voice started on Monday. I love The Voice. Mostly because I LOVE Adam Levine. We're going to be BFFs one day. AND, that's just not me talking either, all of my friends think it will happen too. So, someday, somehow I am going to be best friends with Adam Levine and its going to be so cool. And then he'll write a song for my book turned into a movie. That's going to be a great day. And all of you can say to yourself and all of your friends "I remember when I thought she was crazy writing on her blog about being friends with Adam Levine, but look, it actually happened. And then you'll text me and want to meet him. I know how these things go. And the answer is, we'll see what happens. Ha ha ha. you guys are great.
    I went out to my car last night after class and someone wrote on my driver's side window. It was awesome. I felt super special and loved.

    Okay, I think I should go. My class starts soon and I should probably pay attention. Have fun!!!

Batman and other stuff

This was George's birthday cake. It says "I'm Batman!"

He's BATMAN!!! and awesome.

I love Batman. Have ever since I was a kid. I thought the movies got a little cheesy, the one liners got ridiculous and the guys that played Batman weren't that attractive. Bless their hearts. And then Christopher Nolan started the Dark Knight trilogy. And Christian Bale starred as the Dark Knight. Given my previous post was ridiculous, this one will dip slightly into ridiculous in that Christian Bale is totally my current 10. I spent most of last weekend watching Christian Bale movies. I own 14, and have watched pretty much all of them in the last four days. I went and saw The Dark Knight Rises with Tango last Friday and loved it. I thought it was amazing. But, I love Batman, and I love Christian Bale, so it wasn't too hard to think I might.

My friend rated him at a 4...a 4!!!! That is ridiculous!

    On an entirely unrelated note, I sat down and talked with my best friend from high school a couple weeks ago. She has a little girl that is almost 2, which is the same age as a few of my nieces and nephews. She's so cute and it was especially great to talk to my friend again. Since she got married we don't talk as often, but when we do talk its as if no time has passed at all. To me, that is a sign of a true friend. A person with whom time doesn't affect your friendship. We talked for about an hour and got all caught up with each others lives. It was good times.

mmmmmmmmm.....

    I woke up the other day and had this epiphany...Snickers cupcakes. I have my caramel cream cheese frosting recipe, which is AWESOME. and then I added peanuts and a chocolate drizzle. They actually taste like snickers!!! I made them last week after going to one of the many cupcake shops. Tango said mine were better than the one from the cupcake shop. I feel that this is promising as I want to one day open a bakery. However, you will not being seeing a snickers cupcake in my bakery, or peanut butter bars, or peanut butter cookies, or anything with nuts. Why, you may ask? Because there are several close members of my family that have severe nut allergies. My goal is to open a nut free bakery. AND, I have decided that I should just plan on one of my future children being severely allergic to nuts. It runs pretty predominately in my family, and we didn't realize. So, give me some time and you will see a nut free bakery somewhere. I also made these cupcakes last night and a couple of friends came over to watch a movie (we watched Batman Begins and tonight I'm watching The Dark Knight in preperation to go see The Dark Knight Rises again tomorrow). One of these friends is a guy...lets call him Liam, because I think he kind of looks a little like Liam Hemsworth...only shorter. Any way, it was Liam's birthday last week and so we put a candle in a cupcake and sang him Happy Birthday and told him to make a wish. He actually paused for a full minute before blowing out the candle. I like that he took the wish making serious. It was kind of cool. The downside of having a slight crush on Liam is that he's about 4 years younger than me and although I don't really have an issue with the age difference, I know that he does. Frowny face. He's a great friend, though.

 

The sparkles make it seem more dreamy.

    I also made an Andes Mint cupcake that I am calling The Andes. It is delicioso! I made a mint fudge which I put on top of the cupcake and then did a thinner layer of vanilla frosting over that. I dyed the vanilla frosting green, which mentally people assume its mint and makes ties all the flavors together. Man, I love baking. I love trying new ideas. Its HEAVENLY!!!!

    The other day my Mom was playing the piano. If you don't know my mom, then you don't know that she is an AMAZING pianist and organist. I grew up listening to her play hymns as well as many other songs. There are a few that I am very fond of and I asked her to play for me. After she finished I asked if she would let me record her playing the piano so that when I don't live close to her I will still have that small piece of home. To me, her piano playing is home. It brings such joy to my heart and peace to my soul. I love it.