Sometimes life is just hard

My car died last week. Grayson. I had him for a year. Almost to the day. He was a good car. Got me from A to B. And from B back to A, or sometimes to C. But he always got me home. Man, he was a good car. Named him after Dick Grayson from the comic books. Because I'm a comic book nerd. And it wasn't overly obvious. I don't like to be in your face, generally, with what I do and don't like/obsess over. Like comic books. If you guys knew the extent that my level of comic book nerd actually was, you'd be surprised, I think.

Any way, Grayson died and I have had a while to contemplate what I'm doing with my life. I don't have a new job yet. #anyonewanttohireawriter? I am living in the basement of my childhood home, questioning my life choices. I have a degree that my dad thinks is useless and currently he's trying really hard not to say "I told you so." BUT, despite all the opposition waiting for me to fail, I feel like this is my time to keep pushing forward. Not stopping the momentum. Well, there's not really a lot of momentum at this particular moment. Mostly I just can't stop trying. I can't stop working hard to find that elusive new job. And reach for my amazing dreams. I don't expect to become a screenwriter tomorrow, that's the end game. But I can get a new job now that will take me to the next step that will take me to the next step that will eventually lead to me becoming a screenwriter and making Changing Tyde into a movie. And LIGHTS. Because I know that's what y'all want, right?! RIGHT!

So, today I sit on my bed in my room that is full of boxes I haven't unpacked. And won't unpack until I move again. And while I sit, I keep thinking about how awesome my life actually is. It's not where I want to be, but it's not a bad place to start from. This is only the beginning, peeps. Only the beginning.

And in honor of this moment, I will share with you a poem I wrote. It's for LIGHTS. And it's been published in a student journal at UVU. And has an odd resemblance to my life. Sort of. I'm not a dancer. Obviously. But, how many times do we come across something trying to hold us back? And we have to fight and in the end there's triumph and pirouettes. And sometimes those pirouettes are the cookies and not the dance move. Ha ha.

Shadow and a Dancer

Creeper creeps in

darkness and night.

Dancer twirls,

twists and turns

together in motion.

He hides behind

her watching, waiting.

turn. stop. lift. stop.

Seeing no one she

dances until dawn

when nothing remains.

Struggle and fight,

she pushes beyond

shadow falls

while light remains

triumph and pirouettes.  

A Post About Neverland

It's funny. Many times a week I think to myself, "Suz, you should totally write a really funny and awesome blog post" but then I get busy and forget, or I sit down to write something to you lovely readers and it's suddenly not funny anymore. And then I go back to my imaginary world of awesomeness and spend some QT with Jason and Kyla. BTW, did you read that last post? Did you like the changes? Or did you hate them? Or, did you not read them and you're avoiding eye contact because you suddenly feel guilty about it? No worries, go read it real quick and then let me know what you think. I made HUGE changes to Kyla's life and I think they work, but I haven't gotten a ton of feedback on the subject, so yeah.

Um. I am slowly catching up on, like, five years of TV I didn't have time to stay caught up on. I finished Supergirl Season 1 this week. I kept up with that one as it aired. LOVE that show. I'm also caught up on Arrow and The Flash. My priorities are obviously in the right place. Also, Once Upon A Time. Caught up on that show. Because I freaking LOVE Captain Hook. He's seriously the only reason I'm still watching that show. Colin O'Donoghue (who plays Capt. Hook) is seriously at the top of my Future BFF's list. I want him to play Jason Tyde when that book gets made into a movie. And I know I've said that, like, a million times before, but I think he could do an AMAZING job. Seriously. He's amazing. Also, speaking of Colin, my friends and I have a running joke that he's always drinking a Coke. Even though it's clearly a beer. He's Irish. But we joke that he's always drinking a Coke and I said that when I meet him I'm going to share a Coke with him. SO, if he were to come to Comic Con (which I am really hoping happens!!) I'll totally get a photo op with him and hand him a coke for the picture so I have proof of it. Ha ha. I am sharing a lot of random things with you guys today. Eeek. I hope people still read after this. Ha ha. #shareacokewithcolin #itsgonnabeathing.

Speaking of Captain Hook, Jenni James just wrote a book called Capt. Hook and it is adorable. It's part of her Faerie Tale Collection. Also, there's this song by Ruth B that I am IN LOVE with and has brought a lot of inspiration for my writing!! My friend (A new one I've never mentioned before!! Let's call her Chiquita) introduced me to this song and I had to go buy her EP I loved it so much!! You should watch her video here:



I have a character that keeps coming to mind. Her name is Grace and she's adventurous. I want to tell her story, which I think will be rather lengthy, but I need to finish Changing Tyde first. Having a billion stories in your head all the time is exhausting at times. But, I promise you all-especially Grace- that more stories are coming. Every of the stories. All of the stories. I love them.

Any way, go read what I posted about Changing Tyde and then leave a comment!! I NEEEEEEED FEEDBACK :)!!!

Batman V Superman, and other things

First of all, here's 2 chapters of Changing Tyde that I completely changed. Let me know what you think. They're SUPER rough drafts, but you should get the idea:

Chapter 2 - Kyla

I didn't think about how hard it was going to be to pack up my apartment. I moved quite frequently through out my college experience, this should be a piece of cake. But this time was harder than any of the other times. Everything I touched had a memory with him attached to it. I found myself reliving the last three years over and over again, each item bringing the pain in a new light. At this rate, I'll never get packed in time.

I finish packing the last box in the living room. I need to be packed and ready to go in two days. I look around my still mostly full apartment and feel defeated. I tape up the box and set in on top of the others labeled with a thick black sharpie. I look to the half packed kitchen and don't even want to think about the bedroom. I've avoided the bedroom more than anything else. The memories that room holds will be worse than the rest.

It's just a one bedroom apartment. It shouldn't be this difficult. And yet, I've been packing for a month. Or, avoiding the packing for a month. I pick up another box, determined to tackle the kitchen tonight when my phone buzzes to life on the counter top next to the sink. It's my best friend and former roommate Shannon. I answer it.

“Hey! I was just calling to see if you needed any help yet?” She sounds cheerfully cautious.

“I thought I could do this by myself, but I think I've hit the point where I need some help. When are you free?” I ask, frustrated. But before I can even finish the question, there's a knock at the door. I walk over and open the door as Shannon ends the call and looks up at me.

“I'm glad you're willing to let me help because I was going to help whether you wanted it or not.” She informs me with all the sass that her southern drawl implies. I hug her, feeling like I might not fall completely apart with her here.

“Thank you, Shan. Ugh. I odn't know what I was thinking.” I tell her.

“You were thinking that you could whip this all out in a day and a half like all the times we moved from one apartment to the next. But this isn't like all the other times.” She states, and I know she's right.

“I just get frustrated so easily. I'll be packing a box in the kitchen and before I know it, I'm ugly crying over a skillet Nick's mom gave me at my bridal shower. It's so depressing. Are you sure you want to help?” I ask.

“I'm sure I want to help. What is the hardest for you to pack?” She asks, looking around at the progress I have made.

“I finished the living room, I was just about to start on the kitchen again. I haven't really touched the bedroom. I've kind of avoided that one the most. Do you want to work on the kitchen and I'll try working on the bedroom?” I try sounding optimistic and determined. Shannon just smiles at me and wraps an arm around me,

“How about we do the bedroom together?” She asks with an optimism I lost a long time ago. I nod and we head over to the bedroom.

It's not that I have a lot of stuff in my bedroom, it's just that was the last place I saw Nick. It's where we slept each night and where we talked for hours about our future. I had gotten rid of most of his stuff, but there were still memories everywhere I looked.

We had moved into this apartment as newlyweds and now I was leaving everything behind. Shannon started taking all of my clothes out of the closet and putting them in a box. She probably would have done the whole thing if I let her. But I couldn't let her do that, so I grabbed a box and started going through my drawers.

“Would you believe that I've already gone through everything in here, like, three times?” I say with a slight smile as I find pictures from my first date with Nick. I hold up the picture to show Shannon, “Remember this night?”

“How could I forget? You were so smitten by him. You couldn't stop talking about him. Which was hilarious because you swore you didn't like him.”Shannon reminds me. I laugh a little and put the pictures in a box.

“He caught me off guard. I wasn't supposed to meet anyone that semester.”

“And yet, the universe and Nick had other plans.” She responds. I laugh a little at the memories and keep going. Within an hour my bedroom is completely packed and we head to the kitchen.

I sit down at the table to rest for a minute. Shannon grabs a couple bottles of water out of the fridge for us and sits across from me.

“Was that easier?” She asks. I nod.

“I don't think I could have done that without you. Thanks.” I open the water and take a drink.

“I'm so glad. Is the kitchen all that's left?” She asks looking around.

“Yeah, pretty much. And it's half way there. The moving truck will be tomorrow. Leo and Mark are going down with me to help me move in down there and then they're flying back on Saturday. This is all happening so fast.”

“I know. I can't believe you're actually leaving me. What am I going to do without you?” She teases.

“Come visit me. I don't have a huge apartment, but I do have a couch. And I'm not far from the beach!” I tell her.

“Fine. You win. I'll be here tomorrow to help you load the truck.” She looks at me with concern. This isn't new. Everyone's looked at me like that for a year. It's what happens when your whole life gets turned upside down and you're left scrambling to put the pieces back together. It's how I look at myself in the mirror each morning.

Chapter 4 - Kyla

I pull into an empty parking spot. Spring is in full bloom as I walk slowly through the empty grass and walk the familiar path to the one place I have found myself most often over the last year. I'm glad no one else has decided to come visit so that I can say goodbye alone. I stop at the granite gravestone.

Nicholas Andrew Robinson

May 16, 1988 – January 20, 2015

Beloved Husband and Son

I place a small arrangement of Gerber daisies at the base of the stone and kneel careful down next to it. This place has become sacred ground over the last year while I have dealt with the loss of my best friend.

“Hey Nick. I finally got all packed up and am ready to go. Shannon came by and helped last night or I'd probably be ugly crying over a knife set we got for the wedding.” I try to laugh at the absurdity of the truth, “your mom promised to come by regularly and bring you flowers. I know it's a little ridiculous for us to bring you flowers when you really didn't like them, but it's our way to let you know we care about you still.” I'm rambling. To a gravestone. If Nick really were here, he'd be teasing me with that ridiculous grin and sharp green eyes. I can still see them as if he were truly standing in front of me.

“So. California. I can't believe it's actually happening. Mom and Dad are thrilled to have me closer. They offered me the guest suite at their house, but I just couldn't move back in with them. I'm not the little girl that left there anymore. I did get the apartment down on 6^th Ave. It's a small studio apartment, but it'll do until I get on my feet again. Besides it's just me.” I can feel all of my emotions ebbing and flowing and rising like a river. I wasn't supposed to be alone ever again.

“I guess I really just wanted to come and say goodbye. Not for forever. I plan to come back and visit. I guess I just wanted to let you know that you completely changed my life, Nick, and I'll always love you for that. You showed up when I thought I didn't need anyone and proved me wrong. I love how you changed everything about my life and made me a better person. I will never forget you, or our life together. I will treasure each day we spent together and even though I'm moving away and moving on, that doesn't mean I'm going to forget you. I could never forget you. I still love you so much that it hurts. My heart is still broken and as long as I stay here it will be. I think that's part of why I took this job so soon. Because as long as I stay here all I'll think about is losing you. And I don't think you'd want me to stay here and dwell on what was. I think you want me to be happy. So that's what I'm going to try and do. Move on and be happy. I love you, Nick. Always.” I wipe away the tears that have collected and stand up to walk away. The sun is setting in front of me and the light dances through the trees and across Nick's grave. I smile and turn to walk back to my car. The pain of saying goodbye is just as hard as it was the day he was buried here.

.....sooooooo.....what did you think??? I'm actually really curious. You should, maybe, leave your thoughts in the comments or something.

Also, went and saw Batman V Superman last night after I revised 46 pages of the above story. It was a crazy awesome day and then I went to the movies with Liam, which was a lot of fun. It was a pretty good movie. They referenced a lot of different comic book story lines, so I'm curious where they take this. In my dream world, I will work for DC as a screenwriter. It's going to be awesome and their movies will be great. Any way, let me know what you thought of Changing Tyde. I know it's a lot different from where the story started and I am so happy that I get to keep working on it!!

Midterm Catch Up

So sorry, dear readers, for leaving you hanging for so long! I'm past midterms and well on my way to the end of the semester. This semester has been a game changer for me. No longer am I constantly looking for the elusive Dean Carmichael. I'm also not going into English Ed. anymore either. WHAT?!?!?! I know, I know you were just thinking the same thing. Let me 'esplain. There is too much, let me sum up:

I was minding my own business last week, just hanging out, working on a script for screen writing, enjoying my life and all of that and then I went to bed because it was late. How anti-climatic, I know. That night I had a dream that I was going to lunch with Joss Whedon, Tom Hiddleston and Chris Hemsworth. I wasn't freaking out in my dream, it was a very regular day in the context of the dream. My phone rang and it was one of my current friends. I went to answer it and woke up. Well that was weird,  I thought to myself as I got up and got ready for the day. Too bad that will probably never happen. And I started another super crazy day. I turned in my script, we read it in class, talked about it's strengths (jokes about botulism) and it's weaknesses (your characters are too normal. They have quirks, bring out the quirks!) and after I got home from another long day I went to bed and had another dream. Much like the first. This continued, and the situation was always similar. Me, California, screenwriting, Tom Hiddleston.
      I don't really know where the whole Tom Hiddleston thing came from. I've been vehement about not liking him because this girl I know pins like 25-115 pictures of him on Pinterest a day. That's worse than my craziest Doctor Who day! So, after I woke up from the dream where I was going to the Oscar's with Tom Hiddleston because I'd been nominated for Best Screenplay, I told my room mate about it and the dream wouldn't leave me all day. It was weird. So, I did what I do best. I watched a movie. With Tom Hiddleston in it. And thought about the complexity of dreaming and life.
    I told Tango about my dreams and he was jealous because he is as much a fan of Tom Hiddleston as I now am. He commented on how he feels that Tom Hiddleston would make a good Jason Tyde. At first I adamantly opposed the very idea because Tom is not as broad as Jason is. He doesn't really look the part. However, he could nail the emotion perfectly. If you don't know anything about Tom Hiddleston aside from Thor and The Avengers, he's well known for being incredibly polite and respectful. Kind of the polar opposite of the character he plays in those movies. And I have come around and actually think he would be a very good Jason Tyde. Good 'ol Jason. Gosh I love that guy.

    I have always dreamed of being a writer. And this semester I have fallen in love with screenwriting. My dad asked me recently how school was and I told him how much I LOVE writing. I should seriously make it my career. I explained it like this:
     I once read a talk from Pres. Eyring about when he was young his dad really pushed him to get a degree in Physics, but he didn't like Physics. He was struggling a little bit and asked his dad for help. They looked over it together and went on with life. The next day his dad came to him and asked about the question. Pres. Eyring said he hadn't thought about it since they looked at it. His dad looked surprised, and said something to the effect of, "don't you think about Physics all the time when you have nothing else to think about?" and Pres. Eyring said he didn't. His dad thought for a minute and then replied, "Find what you love to do, that it is what you think about when you have nothing else on your mind." I have loved the idea of truly loving what you do. I love writing and think about it often, but as I have taken this screenwriting class I have learned that it is what I think about when I have nothing else on my mind. It consumes me and I LOVE thinking about what story I want to tell and how I'm going to tell it.
    Oh, and Dean. Wonderful Dean. Wherever he is, I feel that he is busy, and the time is not at hand for us to meet. And, you know what, that's totally okay. I don't think I'll be getting married for a little while longer. And usually I say I'm okay with it, but I'm freaking out inside. This time, however, I'm totally okay with it. I'll probably get married when I'm 32, which is fine. And although this whole prospect scares me to death, I'm excited and hopeful.
     Thus, the explanation. I am going to become a screenwriter and after some extensive conversations with my Heavenly Father over the last 2 weeks, the plans I had for my life have begun to shift and it's looking like I will get a degree in screenwriting and hopefully get a job in California and go do that whole thing. Very specific plans, I know. I'm awesome like that.
    So there you have it. A catch up on my life thus far. Be excited, friends, because although everything I'm reaching for terrifies me, I know that with Heavenly Father on my side, I won't fail.

I'm giving a Gold Star for those that actually read the whole thing!!

What up, my friends????? Long time no post, I know. That's how it goes with me, though, you know? So, updates...I live in the same complex as DJ now, different building, but our buildings are kiddie corner to each other. I see him in the parking lot sometimes. And that's the end of that story. There's a know guy at work. He's super adorable. Lets call him Steve, because I haven't called anyone Steve yet. And I apparently like that name today. But yeah, Steve sits in the desk behind me and we talk and it's fun. He's a nice guy. Good friend.

It was crown day today. According to my room mate. I haven't come up with clever nicknames for my room mates yet, so I won't really get in to those stories, mkay?

I have been writing. Oh, have I been writing. Would you like to read some of it? Yeah? Okay, here are a couple of little pieces I've written for my creative writing class. Also, I'm taking a screen writing class and it's A-MAZING. I kind of want to go in to screen writing professionally, I think it would be AWESOME. Also, that would give me so much more creative control over my books when they get published and then made into movies. I'd be the screenwriter. Ta-da!!! Any way, here you go:

A side note: PLEASE, please, please, don't copy or quote, or use any of my writing without my permission. This is all REALLY personal stuff and I am only sharing it here to get a little feedback. So, with that being said, on with the show!!

Here's a piece of Flash Fiction:

Mistaken

I asked her not to. She didn't listen. Why didn't she listen? I didn't want to go. I didn't want to do this. But I did. I did do this. And now I can't go back. Back to the way things were. Why? Why can't I go back to the way things were? Because it's too late. And now there's blood, I don't even know who's blood it is. Everywhere. Pooling around me. Make it stop.


I look for a towel, but there isn't anything. I start to panic. I'm surprised it's taken this long to set in. I don't know what to do. What do I do? I can't find a towel. I don't want to use my shirt, but it's the only cloth I can find. Why isn't there anything else here? What am I doing? Why am I here? I'm not supposed to be here. This isn't supposed to happen. This....this...too late....


“Steve, are you okay?” I hear her voice, but I don't see her.
“Steve, can you hear me, babe?” There's panic in her voice now. It wasn't there before. Why is she worried about me? I did this. I am the one to blame.



“Steve, I've called the police, they're on their way. Just stay calm, okay?” The panic is rising. She's still talking, but I don't hear the words. I'm not surprised. I would have called the cops, too. Everything is getting dark. Is this how things end? I don't know. I thought there was supposed to be light. Isn't that what they say? A light comes and you walk towards it? I'm only seeing darkness. I thought all those stupid clichés would come true. I guess they really are just clichés. Overused and meaningless. There's the sirens. I can hear them. They're almost here. Time to face my fate. I don't think I'll make it to when they get here. It's all so dim and dark. I just want to sleep. Let me sleep....sleep...it's all a dream now.


I am not a poet, but here is my attempt because I was forced to:

The Railing


I watch from above,
they all look like ants beneath me.
I lean against the railing.
It's there to protect me, but it doesn't.
It's small and thin in comparison
To all that I have,
All that I am,
All that I will become.
It is there to keep me safe.
To remind me of what I stand for
What I believe in,
Why I do what I do.
It is a reflection of my life.


I stand up straight and stretch my arms,
I am tall. I feel like I could fall into the sky
And watch the world fade to nothing.
Nothing.
That is what I want.
I want nothing to fear or hide from.
I don't want expectations or worries.
Nothing in the dark shadows of the night.
It is peaceful then.

Peace and darkness to ease the burden.

AND, finally, a piece of my 10 minute play:

ROUND ONE

(Girls can be heard OS, screaming)

JASON (OS)

Come on, come on! Quick quick quick!

(JASON and KYLA enter the stage through a doorway, they run in hand in hand, laughing.)

KYLA

(breathless)Is it always like that?

JASON

Only when a new article comes out, or when an interview airs on TV. This is nothing compared to premiere weekends. Some events get so bad I don't even come home for a while.

(Jason is still holding Kyla's hand. He looks down at it and lets go.)

KYLA

I can't even imagine that.

JASON

I'm sure this isn't how you expected your summer to end up. I know you like things to be really calm.

KYLA

Yeah, but if dealing with them means I get to spend time with you, then it's worth it. I've had plenty of time begin alone, and to be honest, it's all very exciting being around you.

JASON

Yeah, until they realize that I spend more time with you than anyone else and decide to revolt.

KYLA

I guess we better just keep our friendship a secret then.

(BROOKE enters from the opposite side of the stage. Jason immediately stands between her and Kyla)

JASON

Brooke, what are you doing here? How did you get in?

BROOKE

Oh, come on, Babe, you know I can charm my way into anywhere.

JASON

Seriously, Brooke, I changed the locks, all the door codes, everything.

BROOKE

It took me a little while, but I figured out the code to your garage. I thought you'd be happy to see me. It's been months. I missed you.

JASON

That's nice. So, explain to me what you are doing here.

(Brooke approaches Jason, trying to get a better look at Kyla. Kyla steps out from behind Jason and faces Brooke.)

BROOKE

I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met. I'm Brooke.

KYLA

I know who you are.

BROOKE

I assumed as much, but I'm trying to be polite.

KYLA

I don't know why. I didn't think you cared about anyone but yourself.

(Jason steps between them to separate them again.)

JASON

Okay, Ky, calm down, Brooke, don't give her that look. We both know she's right.I mean, I didn't think you had feelings. I thought you were just a shell of bitterness and self gratification.

BROOKE

Ooooh, and I just thought that maybe you would have changed your mind about this whole misunderstanding.

(Jason's calm demeanor melts at the mention of misunderstanding.)

JASON

It's nice to know you're still dellusion-

BROOKE

I'm not the delusional one! I-

JASON

Just stop, Brooke! I don't want to-

BROOKE

No, you just stop. I came over to try and patch things up.

JASON

And you think I would just let you in and forget about everything?

Brooke

It was a while ago. I hoped that with some time apart you'd see-

JASON

Yeah, that's not happening.

BROOKE

But why?

JASON

Because you cheated on me. Brooke, you lied to me. I used to love everything about you. Why do you want to go back to that, anyway? You weren't happy

DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!!! And scene. Well, actually, that's not the whole scene. It's just the beginning. But you get the idea. It's the first time Jason and Brooke have talked since the divorce has been finalized, and I really don't blame him for not wanting to be around her. Brooke is kind of a crazy person. I mean, who cheats on Jason Tyde?!?!??!?!?!!!! 

Any way, I have been busy busy busy. I am all moved in to my new place and love it, except on football game days because I live right next to the stadium. But, otherwise it's pretty fantastic. I'll try and update you a little more frequently. Okay, bye!!!

Oh, and for your viewing pleasure, my thoughts on #hashtags:

Writing Stuffs

I have been writing kind of a lot the last few days. Like a lot a lot. Makes me happy to see Changing Tyde taking flight again. I'm getting a whole new group if friends completely addicted and falling in love with Jason. As it should be. Everyone should love him. He's such a fantastic guy!! I'll post a sniper for you here soon and you'll probably love it and hate Brooke. As it should be. The end. 

SUMMERTIME!!!!!!!!! (this is kind of long, but you'd kill me if I shortened it, I promise!)

So, I'm just going to throw a bunch of info at you and you're going to work through it and have fun with it, k? K. So, I moved!!!! YAY!!!!! I moved to the great city Northward. Okay, not the GREAT city, I just moved to Provo-ish area. Student housing. AWESOME! I have great room mates and I live 5 minutes from work (woot woot!!). It's a lot of fun. Pictures to come shortly.

     Now for the part you've all been waiting for. I met a boy. DON'T FREAK OUT. NOTHING HAS HAPPENED YET. And, I'm not counting on anything happening. I think he'll be a good friend. And that's all that I'm hoping for. Even if he could potentially be the man of my dreams. Because, seriously, he could be. But I don't know if he is or not. So, here's the run down on him. I went to a party at Liam's house. I didn't really think much of it because his parties are huge and I was really only there because he's one of my best friends and I didn't want him to know that I don't absolutely love his parties. Because they're fun, but there's SO MANY people there. So many. And I don't do well with crowds of people. Any way, I wen to the party and Liam had mentioned earlier that he was having a DJ come and it was going to be SUPER AWESOME. This did not help my wanting to go because that meant dancing, and I don't dance. It's not that I can't dance, its that I don't. 

     So, the night of the party comes around and I made cupcakes for it, because I always make treats for Liam's parties, because you never know who might be there. I showed up at the party and one of my friends was leaving with her boyfriend that I don't approve of (not that my opinion matters), and Liam was happy to see me, as always, and Ale was there, and a ton of other people from the ward. I was talking to people when Liam is like "Hey look, my friend is here!" and at that moment, this guy walks back with his speakers and DJ type stuff. I didn't think much of him, and then he turned around. I didn't get a good look at his face, but when I saw him-like actually saw him there-my initial thought was 'hmmm, maybe you should talk to him'. But I ignored it for a while.

     And then I found a moment to talk to him. I don't have a nickname for him yet, maybe we'll just call him DJ because he was the DJ, yeah, that works. SO, DJ is a writer. We talked writing for a while, and he didn't think my ideas for stories were crazy, which was awesome. He has a bachelor's degree in English, and is going to law school now. He works at the temple with Liam, another awesome thing about him. And he is kind of cute. And he inspired me. In the 10 minutes we talked he was asking me about Changing Tyde and was like "so it's kind of like a fairy tale" and it hit me like a brick wall that Changing Tyde very much is like a fairy tale. I love it! New life for a story I've been stuck on for forever! YAY!!! And he was telling me about some of the stories he's been working on, and they sound really cool. 

     Then, the party continued on, and I didn't really get the chance to talk to DJ again, but it was fun. AND THEN, Ale did a not very nice thing. She tricked me and I ended up dancing with this guy that I really don't get along with. It was creepy, and weird. AND, Ale recorded it on her phone. and won't delete it. AND, NO, you can't see it. 

    So, a few of my friends were like "you should ask for DJ's number!!!" and I was like "no." and they kept trying to convince me to do it, but I didn't and when I left DJ noticed and said "oh, are you leaving?" (mind you, it's about 1 AM at this point) and I tell him yes, and he says something like "Well it was really great to meet you." And there's a weird lingering high five and then I walked away. And my thought was 'if I'm supposed to see him again, it'll happen...somehow'. And that is the end of the story......

Here: watch this video! It's kind of funny!!!

And this one too!!!

okay, alright, I'll tell you more of the story, because of course it doesn't end there!! :) 

So, there I was, all alone and moved in to my new place. I went to church and met some nice people. They are all a bit younger than me, but that's okay, I'm used to it. Most single people are younger than me these days. I talked to Ale about DJ and she had mentioned that lots of people thought the DJ and I were a match made in heaven and, apparently, one of my friends didn't go talk/flirt with him because she thought that he was perfect for me. OH, and my room mate kept text Liam asking when he was going to stop by with DJ. It was all a bit much. He didn't ask for my number, I didn't ask for his, there was no indication (that I am aware of) that DJ was at all interested in seeing me again, or even remembering that he met me. 

That Friday night I ended up hanging out with Liam and explained that I thought DJ was cute, and he seems like an incredible guy, but taht I was not expecting Liam to set me up with him or anything. I really just wanted to get to know DJ better and become friends because we are both writers, and i could use some writer friends these days. Liam agreed and said that he wanted DJ and I to get to know each other better especially because we are both such awesome people (his words, not mine, though I'm not disagreeing). 

Jump forward to the next Friday morning. I get a text from Liam asking what I am doing on Saturday night. I tell him that I'm not doing anything, to which he informs me that I am going to a party at DJ's apartment with him. I tell him okay and that is that. 

Come Saturday, I am a little bit nervous and slightly anxious, mostly because I'm afraid that DJ is going to be like "who is this weird girl with Liam?" But he wasn't like that at all. And I looked cute. Like Tango approved outfit and hair cute. And when we walked in DJ was like "Hey! It's my friend Liam!!!" and I thought he had forgotten me, but no! "And hey! It's Soozee too! Awesome! Glad you could make it!" I may have smiled kind of a lot. He remembered who I was. Props to him. And the party was fun. We watched Emperor's New Groove and it was fun.

K, so you know when you meet someone and you think they're cute, but it's also kind of dark when you meet them, and then you don't see them for a few weeks and then you see them and they're not as cute as you remembered them being? yeah, I was worried about that happening, but it totally didn't. DJ was actually cuter than I remembered. And, he's a hug-er. He gives hugs. I don't know why I am always becoming friends with guys that love to hug, not that I mind. I mean, I know I have that whole "don't like to be touched" thing, but that's really for people that I don't know or don't like. If I think you're cute, then I don't mind if you hug me. I digress, moving on. DJ is cute. And his movie night was fun. And, when we were talking to him after I found myself asking if he wanted to come to a pizza night at my apartment the next week. And he said yes. And then asked if I had his number so I could text him the details. I told him I didn't, so he asked if I had a phone and I gave it to him and he put his number in my phone. It was pretty great. And as we walked away, Liam also seemed happy about how things had progressed with DJ. 

Lets move forward to Wednesday night. Liam was there, and Ale, and DJ was super late. BUT, he came. And I think he gets a little bit cuter every time I see him. I had made chicken alfredo pizza and mini chocolate tarts. Neither of which lasted very long. DJ agreed that I make amazing pizza, which I was actually worried about because we had previously had a discussion about amazing pizza and he said that the pizza in Italy (where he served his mission) was the best he'd ever had. So, when he said my pizza was amazing, I was really happy. And then someone suggested that we go see the new Star Trek movie. I said I didn't really have the money to go, but DJ (without skipping a beat) offered to pay for me, and we all went. Ale, and one of my room mates that came said that they felt like DJ and I were on a date and they just happened to be there too. I didn't really get that vibe, but it was fun. I was able to talk to DJ for a minute. He grew up in northern Utah, his favorite color of all time is green, and his favorite cookie is Snickerdoodles. I mentioned that I happen to make really great Snickerdoodles, which he said he did not doubt because I am an amazing cook. TA-DA! I'm amazing. So, the movie was good. My flip flop flipped off my foot and landed behind the seat in front of me shortly after the movie started which sucked, but had no bearing on the quality of the movie. I like Benedict Cumberbatch who plays Kahn, so that was awesome. I thought the story was well developed and the actors did a good job. Also, the one liners were pretty great. All in all, if you liked the first one, you'll probably like the second one as well. 

So, I didn't think I'd get to talk to DJ again. We had tennative plans for later that week that moved to next week, and new I'm not exactly sure when we're going to get together again, but it's all good. 

And then last night happened. I met up with Ale and my friend who has the boyfriend I don't approve of and it was alright. To be honest, I had more fun when it was just me and Ale talking. And hopefully said friend with boyfriend doesn't read my blog. If she does, then we will be having a conversation soon about how I really feel and how I hide my true feelings. I'm a horrible person,  I know. Any way, I had asked Liam what he was doing in case he wanted to come hang out with us. he didn't get back to me until he was off work which, by that point, everyone had gone home. So, I asked if he was doing anything because I didn't feel like going home yet. He mentioned he was at DJ's apartment and that I should come by. So, I did. 

Did you know that DJ plays the violin? He plays quite well, in fact. And the guitar. And he can sing. AND, he's smart. And, he gets cuter every time I see him. AND, I kind of asked what he was doing this weekend and if he doesn't end up going to Montana, we're probably going to do something at some point. 

BUT, I don't expect things to go anywhere with DJ. I think he's adorable, but, now that I've posted this here, I've jinxed myself and it will all fall to apart. Which, lets be honest, it would have done all on its own. Not that I don't want anything to happen, I'm just trying to be realistic and not get my hopes up. Because the odds of him wanting to date me are not usually in my favor. And don't get upset with me. I know I'm a wonderfully fantastic person, and there should be a line at my door if guys actually saw how amazing I am. But they don't always see it, and that really is okay. A line at my door would be terribly inconvenient for everyone. And then I'd feel obligated to be nice to them, and cook for them, since they are waiting at my door and all, and it just wouldn't be fun. SO, I'm happy with where I am, and more importantly with WHO I am. DJ is a friend, and I love being friends with him. It's so much fun. He's such a nice guy. And I love that I get to know him a little bit better every time we hang out. It's fantastic! And this post is REALLY long and if you're still here CONGRATS!!!! I should make you cookies or something! How about Snickerdoodles?? ha ha ha!!!

     

A new 10

Actually, it's a return to a previous 7 that has become a new 10. Do you remember this post??

 If not, there was a refresher for ya. So, I hadn't watched Chuck or Tangled for a long time, and my sister in law invited me over to watch a Hallmark hall of fame movie last weekend starring Alexis Bledel and Zachary Levi. And as we watched I remembered how much I really love Zachary Levi. 

    So, when I was finally done with finals this week Ale came by to bring me a post finals treat. I asked if she wanted to watch something, she said sure, I asked if we could watch Chuck because I haven't watched it in like a year or so and she said she'd try an episode. 

     One thing you have to understand is that Ale and I don't actually like a lot of the same TV Shows. There are a few we both like, but none that we both love. Until now. I got her hooked on Chuck (and who wouldn't be, really?) and Zachary Levi plays Chuck. And I love him. Just a little bit. He's my new 10. Except, he was already close to a 10, but now he's my 10. And do you know why? #1: He's attractive. #2: He's my favorite Disney prince *smolder*.

 and #3: He's a nerd. Not just on the show, but in real life. Zachary Levi is a nerd. YAY!! This is awesome because I have recently realized that I am in fact a nerd. Which takes him from the 7 I ranked him at last year, up to being my 10. That's right, move over Sam Worthington, Christian Bale, David Tennant, Josh Dallas, Adam Levine, Matt Smith, and all the other 10s. 

 Speaking of attractive guys, Ale convinced me to sign up for online dating. Let's talk more about awkward than attractive. Too bad there aren't any Zachary Levi-esq guys on there (at least not that I have seen). I have talked to a few guys, but nothing that is incredibly striking and awesome. I figure there is no harm in trying new things though, right? Liam has decided that he needs to meet any guys that want to meet me. I love how much my friends care about me. It's really awesome.  I don't know if anything will come of it, but hopefully it'll be fun.
   
     So, this semester is over. Thank goodness for that. This was a rough one and I'm glad it's over. Time to have a fantastic summer. I am going to be moving soon. A good friend of mine wants me to be room mates with her, which I think will be a good thing. I told Ale she's going to have to come hang out with me like all the time. And I'll be working on LIGHTS and Changing Tyde and I'll also be quilting and baking and loving my life!!!!

1/1/13...that's a lot of 1s

Oh my gosh, I'm so tired. I hit 4 different parties last night. Got home around 3, slept in a bit and I am still thinking that is NEVER happening again. Too much running around. BUT, it was great to see so many people! I also saw a really fantastic fireworks show put on by my pyro of a brother. He was like a little kid on Christmas morning. Okay, maybe not THAT excited, but I know he had fun, and I had fun watching them all go off.
    Christmas was amazing! It was just super great! I got some really awesome presents and got to spend time with my amazing family. Also, I thought my car had died, but it didn't!!!! That was STUPENDOUS!! A quick fix and my good little Logan car is back on his feet!...or tires?? But yeah, he's fine and I'm back to the freedom having a car permits.
     It's 2013. That's crazy. I enter this new year with high hopes and hopefully big plans. School, of course, is part of that plan. I also want to finish either Lights, or Changing Tyde. Either one would be fabulous. I'd like to get the ball rolling on that whole dream. I also am kind of hoping Dean Carmichael shows up sometime. That would be amazing. BUT, he might not come this year, or ever (and I can hear the protests about me being young and all that....) I know that when I turn 28 in about a month doesn't make me that old, and there is definitely still hope that I will get married, but it might not happen, and if it doesn't, I'm still going to have an AMAZING life. Focused on the goals I have regardless of my marital status.
    A good friend of mine blogged about Plan A and Plan B and starting to focus on Plan B because Plan A doesn't look like it's going to work out and how hard it is to give up on the plan you really wanted for one you just set aside in case. I have felt this way MANY times. And I love this dear friend so much!!
    One thing I love about last summer was that I spent the summer focusing on me and what I really wanted in life and I set goals and plans that I like to call my Plan AB. I am going to accomplish these plans and goals whether or not Dean comes around. He might be super busy right now, and maybe he died in the war in heaven, you know? I can't spend the rest of my life wishing him here, because that obviously doesn't work. ha ha.
    But, it is hard at times when it seems everyone who had even the slightest possibility of a relationship is now engaged. A couple of weeks ago every day Facebook informed me of a different friend that had just gotten engaged. I really started to avoid social networking for a while. This next year is going to be really awesome, or really really depressing. I think I'll go back to avoiding wedding receptions. Sometimes, it's just easier that way.
    Now that I have successfully brought down the mood of my blog....Um, I have been working a lot on LIGHTS lately and I fall more and more in love with those characters the more I write them into existence. Ian and Emma are such amazing and beautiful people. They are both such strong fighters, which is good because I am going to put them through quite the journey. I can see that story turning into a series, which will be awesome. I am so excited. I stay up late and write sometimes. I can't help it!!! I love it so much!!!!

The Past

So, I haven't worked on Changing Tyde for a while because I hit a wall. I think it was a brick wall. It hurt and I couldn't move past it. SO, my oldest and dearest friend came by last Saturday and I introduced her to SUITS, which will be its own post soon enough, and because we were going to watch Suits, that made me happy, which made me want to bake, so we made Chocolate Chip cookies, and while making said cookies we got talking about Jason Tyde and were the book was and why I hadn't written in a while when I was on FIRE a few months ago. So, we discovered that Jason didn't have a past, really, and neither did Brooke and that I really needed to work out their details before I could finish their future. It was VERY therapeutic and awesome. And then we watched Suits, which made me happy because I LOVE LOVE LOVE that show. And now I know where Jason is from, who his family is, why Brooke broke his heart so bad. I love it. Its just amazing!

I heart....

....many things, but today I heart Zachary Levi, especially in this song:

Confession: Sometimes I watch Tangled just to hear his voice. Ha ha ha, actually I LOVE that movie because it is AWESOME. but, I do love that he can actually sing quite well. CRAZY, I know. PLUS, in the music video he doesn't have a beard! that's pretty awesome because he almost always has a beard, as you can see in the picture George sent me a few months back.

I also heart my Changing Tyde soundtrack playlist that I will now share with all of you!!! HOORAY!!! K, so the layout is this: Song Title, Artist, Album. ENJOY!!!

Breathe In Breathe Out, Mat Kearney, Nothing Left to Lose

Rainy Zurich, The Fray, Scars & Stories (Deluxe Version)

All We Are, Matt Nathanson, Some Mad Hope

Black & Gold, Sam Sparro, Black & Gold

Look After You, The Fray, How To Save A Life

Down, Jason Walker, Jason Walker

Movie Screens, Meese, Broadcast

Everybody Hurts, Avril Lavigne, Goodbye Lullaby

Stitch By Stitch, Javier Colon, Stitch By Stitch

Make Me Believe, Angel Taylor, Love Travels

Wrong Side of Love, Augustana, Augustana

I'm Ready, Jack's Mannequin, Everything In Transit

Jump Then Fall, Taylor Swift, Fearless (Platinum Edition)

Say You're Mine, Kate Voegele, Gravity Happens (Deluxe Edition)

Stars Falling Down, Kina Grannis, Stairwells

Runaway, Maroon 5, Hands All Over

Run, Snow Patrol, Final Straw

Real, The Goo Goo Dolls, Real

Love Comes Tumbling Down ,Matt Nathanson, Modern Love

Where You Are, Gavin DeGraw, Sweeter

All This Time, OneRepublic, Waking Up

The Only Exception, Paramore, Brand New Eyes

Now Comes the Night [Live], Rob Thomas, Something to Be

Let Love In, The Goo Goo Dolls, Let Love In

With You Around, Yellowcard, When You're Through Thinking, Say Yes (Acoustic Version)

Unsaid (EP Ver.), The Fray, Reason [EP]

The Man Who Can't Be Moved, The Script, The Script

A Twist in My Story, Secondhand Serenade, A Twist in My Story

Come Home, OneRepublic & Sara Bareilles, Come Home - Single

My Sundown, Jimmy Eat World, Bleed American

More Than Anyone, Gavin DeGraw, Chariot

Be Still, The Fray, Scars & Stories (Deluxe Version)

God Gave Me You, Blake Shelton, Red River Blue

Ours, Taylor Swift, Ours - Single

Also, the goal is set. I will have my first draft of my book done in a month. I am almost done with finals (hallelujah!!!) and will now be able to spend even more time WRITING!!! YAY! Everyone should be happy about that!!! 

Any way, have a great week! I love you all!!

Dean Carmichael

I am taking a dating and courtship class, and for the "final" I am supposed to write a letter to my future husband. Well, since I don't need this class for credit of any kind really, I decided to do it any way, but post it on here because I love all of you so much. So, enjoy. I hope you learn something about me.

Dear Dean Carmichael,
    Let me begin by saying I think you're a loser. I know that sounds harsh, but I can't seem to figure out what could be so important that you don't have time to include me in your life. That being said, forever is a REALLY long time, and if we're going to spend it together, I hope you get all your ducks in a row before we meet too. I'm working on the same thing.
    Funny thing happened the other day. I was writing (like I always do) and I was writing about Jason Tyde and how he is trying to figure out what his next move should be because he's kind of at a cross roads, and I thought of you and me. I kind of feel like I am coming to a cross roads in my life and I have to make some decisions. Its tough trying to figure out my future all by myself. I struggle with knowing what will be my best option for the future, for meeting you, for plans that we haven't made yet because we aren't in each others lives yet.
     For not knowing who you are, you do carry a lot of weight on my decisions. You also take up a lot of my free time when I'm not focusing on Jason and Kyla, or killing off Nick. He's died like 3 times this week. Poor guy, he never had a chance. But for real, I care a lot about you and what you are doing in your life. I care about who your friends are, I care if the girls you hang out with/date are nice to you. I don't want to meet you and find out girls were jerks, I also don't want to find out they are super awesome either. Because you're going to fall in love with me...well its true, you are.
     I have had a series of dreams lately that I wake from smiling about and thinking of you. I wish you were around so I could tell you about them. I wish for so many things, but what this all comes down to is that I have faith in my Heavenly Father that He is guiding your life as much as He is guiding mine and that when He knows that the time is right, He will guide us to each other. So, it doesn't matter how impatient I am, or how much I think you're a loser (even though I really don't think you are a loser because I'm actually in love with you.) because no matter how much either of us wants to find each other, there is a reason we're not together. There's a reason I am left to wonder if you're doing alright, or what our future holds, but know this: I am doing everything I can to be the girl of your dreams. I am trying not to be too cheesy and hope and dream of our life together. It will happen exactly when its supposed to.

I feel dumb saying this, but its true,
I love you,
Soozee

The Stress Cycle

When I'm stressed, I bake. You can always tell the level of which I am stressed based on the amount of baking I am doing. When I bake, I have a lot of food, when I have a lot of food, I like to share. When I share, it makes people happy. When people are happy they pass it on. Therefore, its probably a good thing I am stressed. Right? Ha ha.

     This semester is quickly coming to a close and with it is an added desire to write my little heart out. Jason Tyde is doing really really good right now and has my undivided attention for at least 30 minutes every day right now. Last Wednesday I sat down and wrote 20 single spaced pages, which equals close to 40 double spaced (which is the proper way to submit a manuscript) and I finally feel like I am making progress again! HOORAY!!!! Be so happy! The story has taken a turn I was not anticipating, but I think it is an AMAZING turn of events that will work out best for everyone.

    So, the last three nights I have had a similar dream. I keep having this dream that I am dating this really great guy and we do everything together, and then I wake up and it takes me a minute to shift back to reality. Although I do like these dreams, they also frustrate me. But, Dean is somewhere and sooner or later he will show up and we'll run off to the sunset together. ha ha. That will be a fun adventure, I am sure.

   I went and saw The Hunger Games after I finished the reading them. I love Peeta. AND, not only that, but the guy that plays Peeta in the movie (Josh Hutcherson) would be the PERFECT Nick if my book ever gets made into a movie. Seriously. Just look at him. PERFECT. Okay, he looks a little young, but that's good because by the time my book gets made into a movie he'll look like he's in his mid twenties. One day....one day my book will be done and we will make it into a movie and everyone will remember today when I was randomly talking about baking and dreaming.

    Um, so my BFF at my morning job, lets call him Tango, asked me to put together a soundtrack for Changing Tyde and I took my 150 song playlist down to 35 songs because he wanted to hear what I hear when I write. It has been an AMAZING tool to keep the story in mind. Its just been a FANTASTIC week. I will post the list later, I promise. Then you can hear what I hear when I look at the world...or at least the world of Jason and Kyla.

Remember Remember the 5th of November....or something

A long time ago my friend Fort told me I should watch the show V for Vendetta, but I never did because its rated R. But there is a line, and essentially the main theme of the movie revolves around Guy Fawkes day which happens to be the 5th of November. So, next year when it rolls around, remember remember the 5th of November, okay people? ha ha ha.

So, its November. I generally struggle in November. For examples, you can look here or here or here...just for a few examples. This year has turned out to be a prize winning year as well. However, when all is said and done, my car will hopefully be good to go for a while longer *fingers crossed*.

Have you seen the show Once Upon A Time on ABC? that show is like CRACK to me. OH MY GOODNESS. This is the season of fairy tales, sort of, because you have Once Upon A Time from the creators of LOST, and then you have Grimm, which I watched part of the pilot and had to watch something really happy after because it is kind of freaky. So, I will stick with Once Upon a Time, PLUS, Prince Charming is really quite attractive. He was actually in THOR, but you probably wouldn't pick him out in that movie because 1-Chris Hemsworth is in it, and B-He looks COMPLETELY different in Thor than he does in Once Upon A Time. I think the thing I like about Prince Charming is he's a believable attractive. It is entirely possible you'd run into someone as attractive as him in real life. He's normal attractive, which I think makes me more attractive. Does that even make sense? It made sense to me, but I tend to be strange.

   I don't really care for Snow White's dress in the beginning, apparently feathers are in fashion this year...which I find....weird. Just sayin...but I do still LOVE this show. After this last episode I am DYING for more! Sunday can't come fast enough! I know that I'm going to get frustrated and end up totally bugged that the happy ending isn't happening as fast as I want it to, but, we'll see how long it lasts, right? RIGHT!




On an entirely different subject, I got super sick a couple weeks ago. Like I came home from work not feeling so great at about 4:00PM and laid down for a nap....and about 12 hours later I woke up wide awake in the middle of the night! YAY! I didn't know what else to do, so I popped in Captain America and watched it until almost the very end. I love that movie. I have been in love with Chris Evans for a really long time. I confess I only watched Fantastic Four, Push, and The Perfect Score because he was in them. And now he is Capt. America.
I think Capt. America is my favorite super hero movie, and not just because of Chris Evans, but because I really liked the story of it too. It was well done and I am SOOOOOOO excited to see The Avengers in May. I don't like going to midnight shows anymore, but I will be going to the midnight showing of that one! How can you not be excited?!?!?!?! You've got Iron Man, Thor, Capt. America, Hawkeye, The Hulk.....and that one chick that I don't really like, but seriously, you've got an AMAZING collection of super awesome super heroes!!!! I am soooo excited! I saw the first preview for it and freaked out. Don't judge, please. I'm a geek, and I know it.

In other news, I am not failing any of my classes in school, and for the first time in a really really long time, I am scheduled for next semester before the end of this semester. CRAZY, I know. One day I will be free from school for forever, but until that day, I will keep trudging along!

I know I have sounded really frustrated and bitter to those who have actually talked to me this month, but in reality, I actually am really grateful for a lot of things, and I am grateful that even though November is a hard month for me, its a really great learning opportunity. Just don't expect much for Christmas from me, because I am broke!!! HA HA HA!!!!

And hey, be happy, I have been working on Changing Tyde. Its coming along, and I am LOVING it! Just don't tell my Ethics and Values professor that I haven't been paying much attention to his lecture on Nietzsche...

NOTE: Please read in a British accent

Hello!
     This is Soozee's secretary Emmalee, yes I am in fact British, so its best if you read everything I write today in my native accent. Soozee has been far too busy lately to write and has requested I write you very quickly in her stead. She has been incredibly busy working both jobs as well as making a few cakes, attending a few weddings, and writing...she is always writing!
     In other random news, she also wanted to fill you in a little bit on the whole Digger situation, he did move about an hour away, and about 2 blocks from Soozee's best friend Fort. Ironic, I know! And she also said to mention that she has talked to Digger more now than when he lived here, so we are looking at this as good news.
     Soozee's best friend Tex got married over the weekend and Soozee said it was a beautiful occasion that she was very grateful she was able to attend. Tex has been like family to her for years and I have had the opportunity to meet both him and his wife on a few occasions and join with Soozee in wishing them the best in their new life together.
     Soozee also requested I inform you of a few movies she will be mentioning next time she posts. She has seen the new Capt. America: The First Avenger movie and absolutely loved it! So much in fact, it inspired a Chris Evans movie week, so I'm sure she'll have pictures to post as well. Also, she just watched this years version of Jane Eyre, which I was very interested in seeing as well. There were actually quite a few more well known actors in this version, including the guy that played Magneto in X-Men: First Class as Rodchester. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing my native countryside and also the story unfold. But, I will let Soozee talk more about that later.
    Over all, she is still alive and I hope this will suffice for those of you that have missed Soozee's random ramblings as she calls them. If you have any questions or concerns for her well being, feel free to comment or e-mail me at ninjasecretary@gmail.com and I will be sure and pass along a post-it note with your request.

Best Wishes,
Emmalee Fairfax

New Name For Jake

Jake has had many names. After talking to Digger about my book, it was quite obvious that having both a Jake and a Jason gets WAY too confusing. SO, I need to change Jake's name. He's had several names through out the drafts. Some previous names are:
Nathan
Tyler
Jake
Adam
Nick
Matt
or Andrew
what do you guys think? Do you like any of those names, or do you have a different one not starting with J that you think would be AMAZING to see in a book?

A New Beginning

I have gone back and forth on whether or not to post this, but here it is. This is the new opening for my book. Let me know what you think, k? Thanks!!!

KYLA

The sunshine and breeze created dancing shadows across the snow around the cemetery. I could almost hear the words of the eulogy being spoken on the air as I knelt down in the snow, I was finally here. It was cold and wet, but I didn't really notice. I touched the headstone as if touching it might help me feel closer to him, but I knew he was gone.

Jakob Andrew Sorenson

May 16, 1986 – November 20, 2010

A few tears fell silently to the ground as the memories flooded back through my mind. This was not how my story was supposed to go. My life was just about to begin, and now I felt like it had come to an abrupt end.

            “It was a beautiful service. I wish you could have been there for it.” I jumped, not expecting to see anyone. I hadn't even heard her approach. I recognized the woman's voice and looked up to see Jake's mother standing a few feet away. I stood, brushing the snow off my coat and attempting to look presentable. I was trying to think of the words to say that would somehow make this okay, but they weren't there. Instead, all I could say was,

            “I'm so sorry...” sorry for not helping him, sorry for not being here, sorry for everything...the words were not enough, they seemed like cheap filler words for an unspoken emotion. As we approached each other, she held her arms and I fell into her embrace. She held me close and tight as if she could take away the pain I was in. I was amazed at her compassion and strength. She was dealing with the loss of her oldest son, he pride and joy. He had meant the world to her, and now he was gone. All of those hopes and dreams shattered like glass across the pavement.

            “You have nothing to be sorry for, Kyla”

            “I should have been here. I should have done more. I should have...” She took a step back so she could look into my eyes. Her gaze was penetrating and sincere. There were tears in her eyes, too. I knew this was just as hard for her as it was for me.

            “There is nothing more you could have done. You were in the hospital during his funeral with a fight of your own. We all know you wanted to be here, and none of us think less of you for not coming. We are all just grateful that we didn't lose you too.”

          Jake’s family, as well as my own had been holding their breath the night of the accident. After all that happened, I should not be here right now. In fact, I shouldn't even be alive, let alone breathing on my own, walking around three states away from the horrific car accident that took Jake's life. The doctors kept telling me it was a miracle I was still alive, and when I kept improving so quickly, they said they had never seen a recovery so quick and so thorough from such a serious accident.

Inspiration

I have been feeling totally lost when it came to Changing Tyde. I knew there was more to write, I just didn't know how. Then, the semester ended and I had more time to write, so I wrote a few scenes I really fell in love with, the only thing was, they were single scenes, not more of the story. I felt like I was forever away from being done with it.
     A couple summers ago, I hung out with AHG a lot and I was writing quite a bit and I would bounce ideas off him about guys and how my two main guys should act and what not. It was a lot of fun, and I felt like Jason was becoming an actual character. I wrote one scene in particular that I sent to AHG when it was done and he was really surprised by it and said it was really good.
    Now, fast forward two years and I'm still not done writing Changing Tyde. I feel like I'm hitting a brick wall. A few months ago, I recruited Digger to help me just like AHG had, but Digger is incredibly busy. So, last week after church I asked if he had any time this week so I could bounce ideas off of him. He said Wednesday night was probably the only free night he had. I worked until 8, but then we could get together. So, Wednesday night comes and I call him when I get off...no answer...so, I leave a message. About a half hour later I get a text from him apologizing because he spaced it, but that he will make it up to me. So, we reschedule for Thursday night.
     Thursday night around 8PM still haven't heard from Digger, so I send him a text asking if he has time that night, or if he needs to reschedule, or if he is just too nice of a guy to tell me doesn't want to/have time to help me, and that if the latter option is the case to please just let me know so we don't waste our time. No response for like 45 minutes when there's a knock on the door. Its Digger. I open the door and he apologizes again for not being able to meet up. He had work stuff come up again and needs to reschedule. He also said that he didn't want to text me to reschedule because he felt really really bad for not being able to meet with me. He said that he really did want to help me and that he had Sunday afternoon to meet up.
     One of my friends says I am too forgiving, especially when it comes to Digger. Apparently I was supposed to be all hateful towards him for rescheduling again. But, he didn't have to come over to my house to apologize in person. He didn't have to apologize at all, we didn't have a set time or a set plan for Thursday, really. He didn't have to do any of it, but he did. Because he's a good person. As he left that night I could help thinking that he really is one of the nice guys you don't come across very often. Its sooo frustrating dealing with him a lot of the time, but when it counts, he does care.
     So, fast forward to Sunday. I had sent him a copy of my manuscript (which is still just around 100 pages) and highlighted parts I wanted his insight on. We got together after ward stare and ended up talking about it for about an hour or so. It was so great to talk to someone that hasn't heard about this story for the last 3 years (not that I am ungrateful to all of you who have listened to me go on and on and on and on about Jason and Jake and Kyla! I LOVE YOU!!!) it was fresh insight and also, he gave me some great ideas of ways to improve the characters and just some things he thought might help. He didn't know how long the story was until he pulled it up to read it today, so when I asked him what all he read he was like "Suzy, its 100 pages long! I only had time to read the highlighted parts. I had no idea you had that much written" which made me laugh! ha ha!
     Any way, I have a lot of new ideas. Digger liked it a lot and told me I am a good writer and that my story is believable, which is exactly what I was going for. So awesome when you get the idea you are trying to get across. I have a lot of work to do, but I finally feel like I can make progress! HOORAY!
    Also, through out the conversation, Digger brought up Twilight and why it works, which leads me to believe he has read the series, which makes me laugh a little bit inside because if you ever meet Digger, he doesn't come across as the Twilight reading, bachelor/bachelorette watching guy that he actually is. ha ha ha, I'm still laughing a little bit. He's a very interesting guy, but I am grateful for his help. He wants to be kept in the loop on my book, and I am more than happy to bounce ideas off of him.
     Therefore, stay tuned to changes that are sure to come soon to the one and only Changing Tyde. You know you're a little bit excited, as you should be!