Chapter
2 - Kyla
I didn't think about how hard it was
going to be to pack up my apartment. I moved quite frequently through
out my college experience, this should be a piece of cake. But this
time was harder than any of the other times. Everything I touched had
a memory with him attached to it. I found myself reliving the last
three years over and over again, each item bringing the pain in a new
light. At this rate, I'll never get packed in time.
I finish packing the last box in the
living room. I need to be packed and ready to go in two days. I
look around my still mostly full apartment and feel defeated. I tape
up the box and set in on top of the others labeled with a thick black
sharpie. I look to the half packed kitchen and don't even want to
think about the bedroom. I've avoided the bedroom more than anything
else. The memories that room holds will be worse than the rest.
It's just a one bedroom apartment. It
shouldn't be this difficult. And yet, I've been packing for a month.
Or, avoiding the packing for a month. I pick up another box,
determined to tackle the kitchen tonight when my phone buzzes to life
on the counter top next to the sink. It's my best friend and former
roommate Shannon. I answer it.
“Hey! I was just calling to see if
you needed any help yet?” She sounds cheerfully cautious.
“I thought I could do this by myself,
but I think I've hit the point where I need some help. When are you
free?” I ask, frustrated. But before I can even finish the
question, there's a knock at the door. I walk over and open the door
as Shannon ends the call and looks up at me.
“I'm glad you're willing to let me
help because I was going to help whether you wanted it or not.” She
informs me with all the sass that her southern drawl implies. I hug
her, feeling like I might not fall completely apart with her here.
“Thank you, Shan. Ugh. I odn't know
what I was thinking.” I tell her.
“You were thinking that you could
whip this all out in a day and a half like all the times we moved
from one apartment to the next. But this isn't like all the other
times.” She states, and I know she's right.
“I just get frustrated so easily.
I'll be packing a box in the kitchen and before I know it, I'm ugly
crying over a skillet Nick's mom gave me at my bridal shower. It's so
depressing. Are you sure you want to help?” I ask.
“I'm sure I want to help. What is the
hardest for you to pack?” She asks, looking around at the progress
I have made.
“I finished the living room, I was
just about to start on the kitchen again. I haven't really touched
the bedroom. I've kind of avoided that one the most. Do you want to
work on the kitchen and I'll try working on the bedroom?” I try
sounding optimistic and determined. Shannon just smiles at me and
wraps an arm around me,
“How about we do the bedroom
together?” She asks with an optimism I lost a long time ago. I nod
and we head over to the bedroom.
It's not that I have a lot of stuff in
my bedroom, it's just that was the last place I saw Nick. It's where
we slept each night and where we talked for hours about our future. I
had gotten rid of most of his stuff, but there were still memories
everywhere I looked.
We had moved into this apartment as
newlyweds and now I was leaving everything behind. Shannon started
taking all of my clothes out of the closet and putting them in a box.
She probably would have done the whole thing if I let her. But I
couldn't let her do that, so I grabbed a box and started going
through my drawers.
“Would you believe that I've already
gone through everything in here, like, three times?” I say with a
slight smile as I find pictures from my first date with Nick. I hold
up the picture to show Shannon, “Remember this night?”
“How could I forget? You were so
smitten by him. You couldn't stop talking about him. Which was
hilarious because you swore you didn't like him.”Shannon reminds
me. I laugh a little and put the pictures in a box.
“He caught me off guard. I wasn't
supposed to meet anyone that semester.”
“And yet, the universe and Nick had
other plans.” She responds. I laugh a little at the memories and
keep going. Within an hour my bedroom is completely packed and we
head to the kitchen.
I sit down at the table to rest for a
minute. Shannon grabs a couple bottles of water out of the fridge for
us and sits across from me.
“Was that easier?” She asks. I nod.
“I don't think I could have done that
without you. Thanks.” I open the water and take a drink.
“I'm so glad. Is the kitchen all
that's left?” She asks looking around.
“Yeah, pretty much. And it's half way
there. The moving truck will be tomorrow. Leo and Mark are going down
with me to help me move in down there and then they're flying back on
Saturday. This is all happening so fast.”
“I know. I can't believe you're
actually leaving me. What am I going to do without you?” She
teases.
“Come visit me. I don't have a huge
apartment, but I do have a couch. And I'm not far from the beach!”
I tell her.
“Fine. You win. I'll be here tomorrow
to help you load the truck.” She looks at me with concern. This
isn't new. Everyone's looked at me like that for a year. It's what
happens when your whole life gets turned upside down and you're left
scrambling to put the pieces back together. It's how I look at myself
in the mirror each morning.
Chapter
4 - Kyla
I pull into an
empty parking spot. Spring is in full bloom as I walk slowly through
the empty grass and walk the familiar path to the one place I have
found myself most often over the last year. I'm glad no one else has
decided to come visit so that I can say goodbye alone. I stop at the
granite gravestone.
Nicholas Andrew
Robinson
May 16, 1988 – January 20, 2015
Beloved Husband and Son
I place a small arrangement of
Gerber daisies at the base of the stone and kneel careful down next
to it. This place has become sacred ground over the last year while I
have dealt with the loss of my best friend.
“Hey Nick. I finally got all
packed up and am ready to go. Shannon came by and helped last night
or I'd probably be ugly crying over a knife set we got for the
wedding.” I try to laugh at the absurdity of the truth, “your mom
promised to come by regularly and bring you flowers. I know it's a
little ridiculous for us to bring you flowers when you really didn't
like them, but it's our way to let you know we care about you still.”
I'm rambling. To a gravestone. If Nick really were here, he'd be
teasing me with that ridiculous grin and sharp green eyes. I can
still see them as if he were truly standing in front of me.
“So. California. I can't
believe it's actually happening. Mom and Dad are thrilled to have me
closer. They offered me the guest suite at their house, but I just
couldn't move back in with them. I'm not the little girl that left
there anymore. I did get the apartment down on 6th Ave.
It's a small studio apartment, but it'll do until I get on my feet
again. Besides it's just me.” I can feel all of my emotions ebbing
and flowing and rising like a river. I wasn't supposed to be alone
ever again.
“I guess I really just wanted
to come and say goodbye. Not for forever. I plan to come back and
visit. I guess I just wanted to let you know that you completely
changed my life, Nick, and I'll always love you for that. You showed
up when I thought I didn't need anyone and proved me wrong. I love
how you changed everything about my life and made me a better person.
I will never forget you, or our life together. I will treasure each
day we spent together and even though I'm moving away and moving on,
that doesn't mean I'm going to forget you. I could never forget you.
I still love you so much that it hurts. My heart is still broken and
as long as I stay here it will be. I think that's part of why I took
this job so soon. Because as long as I stay here all I'll think about
is losing you. And I don't think you'd want me to stay here and dwell
on what was. I think you want me to be happy. So that's what I'm
going to try and do. Move on and be happy. I love you, Nick. Always.”
I wipe away the tears that have collected and stand up to walk away.
The sun is setting in front of me and the light dances through the
trees and across Nick's grave. I smile and turn to walk back to my
car. The pain of saying goodbye is just as hard as it was the day he
was buried here.
.....sooooooo.....what did you think??? I'm actually really curious. You should, maybe, leave your thoughts in the comments or something.
Also, went and saw Batman V Superman last night after I revised 46 pages of the above story. It was a crazy awesome day and then I went to the movies with Liam, which was a lot of fun. It was a pretty good movie. They referenced a lot of different comic book story lines, so I'm curious where they take this. In my dream world, I will work for DC as a screenwriter. It's going to be awesome and their movies will be great. Any way, let me know what you thought of Changing Tyde. I know it's a lot different from where the story started and I am so happy that I get to keep working on it!!
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