Past revisited

So, remember Luke? Yeah, if not, you can refresh your memory here, or here, or here, yeah, and then he made that appearance at Ihop that one night...so I run in to him from time to time, and for whatever reason I've never been able to just delete him as my friend on facebook...but I don't really ever talk to him. I don't know...its like I am hoping that I will run into him again, or that by some miracle we might become better friends, I don't know, this all just sounds silly.
     Any way, I was hanging out with a couple friends from my ward and we all got a text from a mutual friend inviting us to a party at a former member of the ward's house. So, we decide to go and when we get there, I know most of the people which is nice. There are a couple of guys I don't know and they kept mentioning this Luke guy. I didn't think anything of it until we were playing a game and someone rang the bell. The host went to answer it and when he returned this guy was following him into the room. He looked an awful lot like Luke, and then it clicked that he WAS Luke!!! Craziness! So, Luke came and was playing games with us which was fun and he and I talked briefly. One of my friends, who I happen to have a hard time trusting right now, decided that Luke was just the most attractive guy ever and she kind of gave me curious glances when I would talk to him. Lets call her Amber, just for kicks. So, Amber thinks Luke is so cute and I shouldn't be surprised because she flirts with all the boys that she finds mildly attractive. But I liked that I actually had the advantage. And its not like I am super interested in Luke. But, after we were done playing games, I got to talk to him a little bit and it was tons of fun. I actually feel like we are actual friends, and not just random school acquaintances. He might come to my birthday party next week, which would be so much fun. But, to be absolutely, perfectly honest...I really really want Digger to come to my birthday party...even more than Luke. Ah, oh well. At least I'm not super awkward around Luke anymore, and I think he might actually come if I invited him to a game night or something. It was just so crazy to run into him tonight...

Ashamed

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I am addicted to Katy Perry's song FIREWORK...have you heard it? Its actually not a bad song...and there was no dirtiness to it...who knew Katy had it in her?

Dear Mr. Dean Carmichael,

Ok, so my birthday is approaching. Every year around my birthday since I was like 16 I write a letter to a particular guy...I don't know who he is. I am hoping that one day we will make each other very happy. I am hoping that day is sooner rather than later. You can mock if you want, but as I was talking to a friend about it earlier this week...its interesting to me to see how I have changed over the last 10 years. Interesting, no? I think it is. Its a good point to mark where I am at the moment I write the letter. When I started when I was 16, I talked mostly about myself. Since then, I have talked a lot about my dreams for the future, my frustrations with things not going the way I want them to or not, how amazing I am becoming (because lets be honest, I have become quite amazing over the last little bit!) I share these things in my letters because I can't actually share them with the future Mr. Carmichael. I actually address all letters to "dean" because I had a dream I married a guy named Dean, and since I don't usually remember names from my dreams, I decided to just keep that name in reference to the future Mr. Carmichael. And lets be honest, Mr. Dean Carmichael...that just sounds impressive. Maybe I'll change his name when I marry him...unless he has an even cooler name. but I just can't see that happening.
     Any way...I have been thinking about Dean a lot lately. I think part of it comes with my birthday coming yet again. Part of it could be that its another year, and I am not at all where I expected I would be in life. I don't know exactly what it is, but I feel like Dean is right around the corner. Its crazy. I guess time will tell.

A Fan-freakin-tastic Tuesday

So.....at first, I did not think that Tuesday was going to be so fantastic. In fact, I was kind of freaking out. The reason is not important. The freaking out is all that matters here. I went to my classes and ac

Yes, I ended that sentence up there in the middle of the word "actually". I did that because I actually started writing this post on Tuesday night, kind of late. I was waiting to hear from a friend. At that precise moment, I got a text from said friend...ok, it was Digger. Any way, he was stopping by...yes, it was late, but it takes us days to actually find a time that neither of us are busy. Any way, he stopped by and we talked. It dawned on me that night that I really really like him. This is very scary territory for me because I like him probably more than I have liked anyone. I love the way I feel around him. I always feel uplifted and that I am a better person. I tend to see things in a new way that I hadn't thought of before, which is awesome because I see things that I can change and improve on. This scares me because I don't generally trust people, and I really don't like to let them in...but somehow I let Digger in. I've let him in, and I trust him. Hence the hyperventilating in the corner with my paper bag in hand. I have been SERIOUSLY freaking out. When Digger was leaving he said that he really wanted to get together again this week, or this weekend sometime. So, I am really hoping he remembers that and gives me a call because I would love to hang out with him again.
    Any way...Tuesday ended up being such a great day. Not just because I got to see Digger, but also because my Institute class was amazing, as usual. I have this fantastic teacher that just brings the spirit in so strong, and has a way of saying exactly what I need to hear, exactly when I need to hear it. I love the gospel! Its so true! I don't even want to think where I'd be in life without it! Any way, I hope you all have a fan-freakin-tastic weekend! 

Yes, yes I did

I did in fact change the name of my blog. Sorry if it threw any of you off! But, I tend to talk a lot about my domestic skills a little bit more as of late...or maybe I should more often....I don't know, I guess we'll see....I'm off to make a cheesecake!

Check this out

So, my friend posted this on Facebook, and since most of you that I am aware of that read my blog write similar blogs to the ones talked about, I thought you might enjoy this article!

Enjoy! And I hope you are having a terrific Sunday! Apparently, I am amazing, and that just made my day!

A Quick Side Note

After a very emotionally unstable weekend, well...actually, its been an emotionally unstable like 3 weeks, but it all came to a boiling point this last weekend. Any way, after all of that, I wrote my last post and kind of freaked out, but I want you all to know that I am doing a lot better right now, and am loving my life...not so much the extreme tired I feel will hit me on Tuesdays since I am in class from 1:00PM to 8:30PM, roughly. But, all in all, I am finally settled into school, and loving it.
   Another side note I wish to express about my last post is the nickname of Andrew...it doesn't really fit him, so now I will be calling him Digger, which is a very strange nickname...I know that...but he's also earned it. So, I actually went back and changed Andrew's name to Digger in my last post and will be calling him that from now on in my blog...and in my phone...ha ha ha...good times!

Life Changing Decisions

Okay, so its really only one life changing decision, and I kind of already made it, I just wasn't sure for sure, for sure until Wednesday when I made the decision. So, I've been going to school for a while, right? Right. And, I was never really feeling like I was going anywhere with it until this week. In order to register for this semester (which started this last Wednesday) I had to talk to an academic adviser and declare a major. I thought I had declared English as my major like 3 times now...but alas, it apparently never stuck in their system. I tried and tried to get a hold of whoever I needed to to register before classes actually started, but that never happened. Thus, on the day classes started, I wasn't registered yet. I ended up (after a really very strange string of events) talking to an academic adviser over.....wait for it.....wait for it.......English Education!!! HOORAY!!! I'm going to teach annoying punk teenagers about literature and grammar, and all that fun stuff! Can you tell I'm excited? Maybe I'm not super excited yet, but teenagers just annoy me...its something I will have to get over. Then, on Friday I got all registered for this semester and ordered one of my books online. I feel really great about this decision, and about this semester. So far, 2011 has been pretty amazing! I have been feeling like great things are in store for me and I am looking forward with hope. When talking to said councelor, I found out I'm about 75% done with my Associates degree! That was a shocker for me. I thought I was forever away from it, but I'm not!
    Because I know that you are all dying to hear a complete update on my life, and because I haven't talked about guys in a really long time...I will update you. A while ago...maybe a month or two (I actually don't remember) this new guy moved into the ward. Lets call him Digger, for the sake of the story. Any way, I met Digger very very briefly his first Sunday in my ward because I meet everyone that comes to the ward. Its just how I roll...and I go to a "new member meeting" because I'm in the RS Presidency. Any way, Digger was new and I remember thinking that he seemed like a cool guy and I should get to know him better. Time passed and I didn't get to know Digger until recently. The more I get to know him, the more I like him. He seems like a great guy. Downfalls, though, are that he is shorter than me by about 3 or 4 inches. Not too bad, but still, its slightly noticeable
     Its funny, well not actually funny, maybe interesting? any way, I mentioned to a "good friend" in my ward that I kind of liked Digger, had a little bit of a crush on him. She mentioned that she really wasn't interested in him. Imagine, then, my surprise when the next time we are hanging out with Digger, she is practically throwing herself at him. Yay. This is my life, my friends. This happens to me all the time. You'd think I'd not hang out with people like this, but apparently I attract them. I always seem to find the friends like to hurt me. And I wonder why I have trust issues? Hmmm....strange, I know.
     Any way, Digger is becoming a good friend. I just hope he doesn't end up being a loser, idiot, or jerk like most guys I meet. He always comes and talks to me whenever I see him. He remembers all of our conversations. I don't know what to think of him, though. I think part of it is that I am just waiting for him to become a loser, idiot, or jerk. I don't want to let him into my life if he's going to end up hurting me (as most guys do, whether consciously or not). I'm just tired of the whole game. Its so annoying, and I am so sick of all the constant DRAMA. Its times like this that I wish I could go back to being a hermit. Being alone isn't entirely bad, you never get hurt that way.
     I feel like I am teetering on the edge of a cliff, and I'm trying to stay perfectly balanced on that edge. I feel like I have to come across as one type of person when I'm around certain people, but there are few people with whom I feel I can truly just be myself. Its frustrating and hard. I hate it. That should be on my list of things to change this year. I should just be myself. It has taken me 25 years to realize that I am a pretty great person, that I have so much to offer. I'm not saying this to be arrogant, but I have so much to offer, and I sell myself short ALL THE TIME. I need to do better at seeing myself the way my Heavenly Father sees me...if I could see myself that way, I might not be so quick to sell myself short. Its a never ending battle, isn't it. Something I think we all struggle with.
    Any way, enough of my ramblings and ventings! Thanks for listening, and I hope you all have a fantastic week! If anything new develops, I'll let you know!