Eventually

So, its a little blurry because I took it with my phone, but this is probably my favorite necklace. It says "eventually" with a heart and a white pearl. When I first started wearing this necklace one of my coworkers read it and said "well that's a weird word to wear on a necklace" but, it actually means quite a bit to me. Eventually, my dreams WILL come true. Eventually, all the crazy drama of my life WILL calm down. Eventually, my prince will come (at the current moment I feel he is taking far too long, but I can't judge. Maybe he's helping some poor widow fix a fence or something completely noble...). Eventually, I won't be in school and I will be all educated and smart and stuff. Eventually, I will understand why I have to go through the trials and the emotional break downs and the fear that I am feeling right now. Eventually. Such a simple word to describe so much. A word that brings me a little bit of hope. And frustration. Because as I have previously mentioned, I am not a patient person. According to the plans I made for myself, I am WAY off course. I have learned that the plans I make for myself, by myself, is generally just wishful thinking.
    I have had a really awe-inspiring last couple of weeks in a few ways. They have also been the most emotionally draining weeks. I've had so much fun and had great times with great people. I have also been freaking out (internally, of course) about the future and what it holds for me. I have felt change coming for a little while now. It hasn't come yet, and I don't know exactly what it is, but it is coming and as much as I am looking forward to a new adventure, I'm also a little bit scared. However, I am doing the best I can with what I am given and that is the best I can do, right? Right. Eventually I'll have this all figured out...I hope...

Facebook Stalkers

I have noticed recently I have a couple of Facebook stalkers. There are two people in my ward that totally facebook stalk me ALL THE TIME...and it really wouldn't be hard for any of you who are my FB friends to figure out who they are since they comment on EVERYTHING I do....I guess I should be flattered, but at the same time, it kind of weirds me out a little bit. I don't like people paying that much attention to me...unless I call you Digger, then stalk me all you want.....ha ha ha, I'm just sayin...speaking of Digger...I'm going through withdrawls...I haven't seen him in over a week. He went to Arizona to work this week. :( sad day.
     I have had a surprisingly AWESOME week!!! All the stress and worry I've been dealing with the last few weeks is COMPLETELY GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOOOOOOOOOOOOORAY!!!!!!!!!!! I love my life. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father and ALL that He has blessed me with lately. Its pretty much AMAZING!!!!

Something new, maybe a little bit different, but mostly good!

So, I bake and cook a lot, and generally that is an understatement. I LOVE cooking, it is sooooo relaxing for me! So, I am going to start throwing in some of the recipes I try as I find them. The first is called a Decadent Chocolate Cheesecake, and I really wish I remember what blog I got this from, I am sooo sorry, I will be better in the future! Any way, here is the recipe:

Decadent Brownie Swirl Cheesecake Recipe

• 16 Servings
• Prep: 30 min. Bake: 1-1/2 hours + chilling

Ingredients

• 1 package fudge brownie mix (13-inch x 9-inch pan size)
• 
  FILLING:
• 4 packages (8 ounces each) cream cheese, softened
• 1 cup sugar
• 4 eggs, lightly beaten
• 3 teaspoons vanilla extract or 1 teaspoon almond extract and 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• Fresh raspberries and chocolate curls, optional

Directions

• Prepare brownie mix according to package directions for chewy fudge brownies. Set aside 2/3 cup brownie batter; spread remaining batter into a greased 9-in. springform pan.
• Place pan on a double thickness of heavy-duty foil (about 18 in. square). Securely wrap foil around pan. Bake at 350° for 25-28 minutes (brownies will barely test done). Cool for 10 minutes on a wire rack.
• In a large bowl, beat cream cheese and sugar until smooth. Beat in eggs and vanilla on low speed just until combined. Stir 1/3 cup into reserved brownie batter; set aside. Spoon half the cheesecake batter into crust; dollop with half of reserved chocolate cheesecake batter. Repeat layers. Cut through batter with a knife to swirl the chocolate cheesecake batter.
• Place in a larger baking pan; add 1 in. of hot water to larger pan. Bake at 325° for 1-1/2 hours or until surface is no longer shiny and center is almost set.
• Remove pan from water bath and foil. Cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Carefully run a knife around the edge of pan to loosen; cool 1 hour longer. Refrigerate overnight. Remove sides of pan. Garnish with raspberries and chocolate curls if desired. Yield: 16 servings.

K, here are the things that I did not like about this recipe. I cooked the brownies until they were almost done, and I used a 9 in. pan, but when I took this cheesecake to a meeting I had, the brownie part was completely dough-y. I was SO disappointed. They cooked for over 2 hours, there is no reason those brownies should have been goo. It was a meeting of the RS Presidency and the EQ Presidency and all the guys said it was delicious and totally awesome (including Digger), but I was still disapointed. Next time (because I liked the taste, just not the gooeyness of it) I will try it in a 10in pan and I am going to cook the brownies longer in the pan before I add the cheesecake part to the top of it. The taste was good (where the brownie was not goo) it is SUPER rich, but I think with the modifications, a completely AWESOME cheesecake recipe!

Still alive...I think....

So, I am pretty sure I am still alive. I am not currently failing my Propaganda class, which is a shocker. I thought for sure I wasn't doing super well, but I actually did pretty awesome on my midterm. Heck yes. I had to turn in this massively huge paper, and that could have killed my grade. I'm hoping not though. We shall see. All I have to say is that I can not wait for this semester to be OVER. Oh my gosh, I have never been so stressed out in all of my life! School, plus all the work drama...I really want the work drama to end, but I don't think it will end until I don't work there anymore, and that will be the only way to get rid of it.
     Things are going well other than stress and drama. I don't have much of an update on anything yet, but I promise once I do, I will let you know. I am going to try and work on my book a little bit this weekend, but I don't know if I'll have time...this summer can't come fast enough!!!

Hermit

That's me...I'm a hermit this week. I did venture out to 30 minutes of FHE after spending roughly 35 minutes with my family for my dad's birthday. I wasn't going to FHE, and had even told Digger I wasn't going when he asked, he was a little surprised to see me, and then one of his new adoring fans came over to hover by him. He seems to have gotten quite a few new fans since Sunday..and why, you may ask? Because he just got a new calling. Yep, I called it at least 2 weeks ago. Digger is the new Elder's Quorum President. I figured it would be him. I was talking to one of the counselors in the RS Presidency about it because she didn't hear there had been a change. We all knew the change was coming as the last EQP is getting married in less than a week, but I was talking to Amber about it and she hasn't previously liked Digger very much, but as we talked about it, we talked about why Digger is in fact probably the best choice out of the guys in are ward, and here it is: Digger befriends everyone, but especially the guys that not a lot of people associate with; the guys that most people call weird. He's always reaching out to them (although, what does that say about me since he was the one that started talking to me months ago when he first came into the ward.......). But yeah, most of the ward didn't know who he was before last Sunday, and now everyone wants to be his best friend. Kinda makes me laugh, and I also find it a little annoying. I shouldn't be so selfish or self centered, but I liked that no one knew how awesome he was because then he and I would talk at church all the time and no one noticed or cared.
     Any way, that was a huge sidetrack to my original topic. I am a hermit because I have a MOUNTAIN of homework I've had to do this week. Its been a nightmare! Also, I've had super drama going on at my evening job and its one of those times where everything seems to be going wrong and you can't seem to do anything right, but when all is said and done really good things happen. I like to think its because of my patience and endurance...but this time I am just waiting for the really good stuff to happen, and I kind of feel like really good things are just around the corner for me. I hope so, because I could use a really really good thing in my life. Any way, I better get back to my 10 page paper on Immigration Propaganda...aren't you so sad you don't get to write one too?

Uncharted

This isn't so bad....oh wait, I've only jogged a block. Dang. How long is a 5K again? What was I thinking? I think my brother is trying to kill me...seriously....

     So, I was working on my homework (that seems to be never ending these days) yesterday and I heard the song "Uncharted" by Sarah Bareilles. Its goes something like this:

No words

My tears won’t make any room for ‘em.

Oh and it don’t hurt like anything I’ve ever felt before.

This is no broken heart no familiar scars

This territory goes uncharted.

Just me

In a room sunk down in a house

In a town and I don’t breathe

Though I never meant to let it get away from me

Now I have too much to hold

Everybody has to get their hands on gold

And I want uncharted.

Stuck under the ceiling I made I can’t help feeling

I’m going down

Follow if you want I won’t just hang around

Like you’ll show me where to go

I’m already out of foolproof ideas

So don’t ask me how to get started

It’s all uncharted.

Each day

I’m counting up the minutes ‘til I get alone

‘cause I can’t stay in the middle of it all

It’s nobody’s fault but I’m so low.

Never knew how much I didn’t know

Oh, everything is uncharted

Know I’m getting nowhere when I only sit and stare like

I’m going down

Follow if you want I won’t just hang around

Like you’ll show me where to go

I’m already out of foolproof ideas

So don’t ask me how to get started

It’s all uncharted.

Or, you can listen to it here:

Any way, back to the point of this post. I am going into uncharted waters, so to speak. My brother asked me last year if I wanted to run a 10K with him this summer. I thought that would be awesome, except I never started training for it. Crazy, I know. so, I have started training for a 5K, because I don't think I can run a 10K by the end of the summer, so I am planning on a 5K and we'll see what happens as the summer progresses. I'm kind of excited. I think this will be fun. I ran/walked 2 miles yesterday and listened to my new bff Sarah Bareilles pretty much the whole time. I like her new CD...its pretty good! So, here's to hoping I survive and I figure if I get really into this whole training thing, I will look amazingly gorgeous by the end of the summer, which is fantastic...not that I'm not already amazing (Bruno Mars tells me I'm amazing just the way I am all the time) and beautiful, but I think trying to improve yourself is always a worth while goal! So, here's to me!! HOORAY!!

Speed Dating

I don't know exactly what possessed me to come to this. Regional Activities and I do not have a good history. Plus, I doubt Digger will be there...so why should I go? ..... Wow, these "dates" seem to be taking forever. Hey wait a second...that looks like....no way! It totally is...I'm 2 "dates" away from Digger! Oh wow, I'm a little excited, I'm totally not gonna lie...is it bad I can't even remember the name of the guy sitting in front of me? Ha ha ha, I love that look that Digger just gave me...the 'I can't really talk to you from across the room, but I see you and this is me noticing you' look, yep, the same look I see every Sunday during Sacrament Meeting...

I honestly don't know why I went. My plan was to stay for a few minutes and then leave because I had TONS of homework to do. BUT, I went, and quickly realized that when you go to a speed dating activity, you are in it for the long haul. The one bright spot of the evening was when Digger was the guy sitting across from me, we had been texting earlier that day and kind of picked up the conversation from there. He's super busy for the next two weeks, so I probably won't be seeing much of him outside of church, but just as the buzzer was going off to switch dates, I said something to the effect of, "You know you want to hang out with me, and you know that you love hanging out with me." to which he replied "2 weeks, just 2 weeks" as he got up to move to the next girl. *sigh* I find it interesting that what I thought I knew about how Digger is around everyone is not necessarily how he is around everyone, so much as how he acts around me. For an example, I went to dinner tonight with my best friend. I haven't talked to her in months and I think I briefly mentioned to her who he was when I very first met him. Any way, she has two younger sisters in my ward that I talk to on a fairly regular basis. I thought they had met Digger, and I was pretty sure I remember them talking to him once or twice. Apparently not. Jen was telling me how one of her sisters mentioned that Digger has come up when I've been talking to them, and talked to me...and only me. I know he's an outgoing person, I see him talk to other people...maybe he just doesn't talk to everyone....but several people have mentioned that he goes out of his way to talk to me, or to at least let me know he sees me passing by. I really like that he notices when I pass by...any way...it just made me laugh that Jen had already heard some things about Digger. We had a good laugh, and she mentioned that she was glad he recognized that I am a truly awesome person (because why else would he go out of his way to get to know me, and talk to me). He is the one guy that I know doesn't come by just because I'm a fabulous cook. In fact last night he told me that every time I make my fabulous Chocolate tarts I ruin his diet, so he won't be coming by next time I make them...that's when I mentioned that he loves hanging out with me and he knows he really wants to hang out with me...ha ha ha. So funny! I spend a lot of time talking about Digger...sorry guys. He's kind of been on my mind a lot lately. He is a pretty fantastic guy, and hopefully in 2 weeks when I am done with midterms and he is done with whatever project he is working on for work we can get together and do something fabulously fun!! And I will post about it, I'm sure, because its going to happen! HOORAY! Somehow, it will happen.
      A few random/awkward moments from speed dating for you: One of my "dates" asked if I believe in kissing on the first date. That would be a NO...awkward! Another one of my dates felt it necessary to tell me that I am very tall, though how he could tell my height while I was sitting down is beyond me. One of my dates noticed I was wearing my Fray jacket (because Soozee + The Fray = AWESOMENESS) and asked me to sing one of their songs because he couldn't remember what they sang...yeah, NOT HAPPENING. I decided that it would be SUPER easy to tell any kind of lie you wanted to when speed dating. Had I been smart, I would have thrown on the accent and confused a bunch of people! I could have pretended to be from the south pacific or something since we have decided that my accent is not actually a British accent. Dang...I almost want to go speed dating again just to see how much fun I can have with those poor defenseless boys!! Bwa ha ha !!!! next time!!!