A Weight Being Lifted

So, I don't know if you noticed from my apparently "cryptic" posts previously, but I've been going through some interesting times lately. I really can't go into specifics, not just because I don't want to talk about who they are generally involving, but also because there literally aren't actual words to describe what I am feeling.
   I go through phases of hating life, to tolerating it, to almost loving it. I'm one of those people that thinks that if just "such and such" would happen, then I will be perfectly happy and life will be amazing. However, "such and such" never really happens, and even if it did, I don't think I would be perfectly happy. There are always ups and downs.
    However, about a week ago all of this crap that had been on my mind started to ease and although I am not free of the worry and fear that I was facing, it is much more at ease and I have a much better grip on reality, and my life in general. It is such a good feeling to feel the hand of the Lord on your shoulder telling you to calm down, that He is in control and all that He asks of you is to do your best. He isn't asking for miracles to be performed on our own, but He is willing to help us make miracles happen. I just pray for them when I need them most.
     I have been trying my best to be as close to the Lord as I can lately, and although I have my days when I am sure He just shakes His head at me, I feel a lot closer to Him. That was one thing I struggled with when I came home from my mission...I didn't feel as close to my Savior as I did out on the mission. Which is bound to happen since I was no longer worrying and focusing on others, I was now focusing on myself. I still feel like I am adjusting at times, and I will probably feel like this the rest of my life. Trying to find the balance.
   I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense at all, its just me rambling on and on and on....

PS: Nat, you would be proud of my organization efforts in my room. Pictures to follow soon!!

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!

Because this blog is written only by me and about me, you get to hear all about ME all the time. I'm so sorry for all of you!!!
    Any way, it was my birthday yesterday and I had so much fun with my friends! I did not end up going ice fishing, which I confess was kind of nice because then I got to sleep in, which was absolutely fantasticly wonderful!!! My amazing sister-in-law made my cake for me as a gift which I am forever grateful for. She is always looking out for me and doing amazing things for me! I love her and my brother (and their kids) to death!!! They are AMAZING (ha ha, I totally just gave you a shout out ;).
    Any way, here is the cake before we lit it on fire:

when I was in Logan the last time and planning everything out with Tex (since his birthday is the day before mine) I mentioned it would be a dragon cake and he asked if it was Albi the Racist Dragon...and if you don't know who Albi is, here is a clip for you to explain the jelly bean tears:

I picked the one with the animation to give you a better visual.
Here is a picture once we lit the candles:

 

don't those flames just look amazing??

Here are a few other random shots of the people and the party for you:

 

Me, Tex, and the cake. He seriously can't keep a straight face if a camera is around. There are 2 blue candles, and 5 pink ones to make 25 since we both turned 25.

 

Fort, who happens to be one of my BEST friends, ever. 

 

Elen and Emily, good friends from work and my mission. Also amazing people. THE END.

Tex was just a little excited to try the cake...actually he really just wanted to eat one of the wings made out of fruit roll ups. They were quite delicious....yum!!!!

All in all, it was a fantastic day and I had so much fun with my family, and my friends!! I'm not excited to be 25, but I am excited to start this new chapter in my life.

Welcome, Welcome, Sabbath Morning!!

So, I got kicked out of my ward last week...yet again. I have decided that either I am so amazing that the Lord can't keep me in just one spot for very long. I've got to share my *amazing* personality with as many people as possible. Or, the other thought is that nobody wants me, so they just keep shifting me back and forth. Either way, I will be a good little girl and go to whichever ward I am assigned. Who knows what the Lord has in store for me.
    It was nice to go back to the ward I was originally in before all this shifty buisness. Everyone was quite excited to see me and it is always nice to be welcome to a new ward. I have been thinking a lot about the gospel and my life in general. I am quite grateful for the blessings the Lord has given me. There have been struggles, but with each set of struggles has come the most amazing blessings. I have been blessed with the best family, and the most amazing friends. Each person that I has truly come into my life has both taught me something, and helped me become a better person.
    I am still working on some new goals, and thanks to some friends and family I have been making some good progress. One of those goals has been to go to the temple more often and I am so grateful I have set this goal. I LOVE the temple and all the peace that I feel when I am there. 

Quick quick

I am actually supposed to be getting ready for work, but I wanted to post an upbeat and HAPPY post. I feel like the last few have been serious and kinda down. Not that I have been really down lately, actually I think I've been quite happy, I've just had A LOT on my mind. Like A LOT.
    It's my birthday next week! I'm so excited!! My best friend, Tex, is coming down to party down here this year (his birthday is the day before mine) and all my friends from down here are going to come party it up!! I'm so excited!!! Not for the getting older, but for the having fun with EVERYONE part...that's going to ROCK.
    So, Tex invited me to go ice fishing next Saturday morning, which is my birthday. I've never been fishing, let alone ice fishing. I think I might try and go. I think it will be fun.
    I have a random story for another post, but for now I hope you are all doing FANTASTIC and have a great weekend, since its almost here!!!!!!
PS: If you are reading this in google reader and haven't checked out my actual blog in a while, you should go check it out. I changed the name to: Adventures of a Long Lost Friend and will explain the title sometime, and also I changed layouts and backgrounds...just go look at it and tell me what you think...okay bye!

Tired of FEELING

"Every long lost dream led me to where you are.

 Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars.

 Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms

This much I know is true:
that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you"

-Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts

I feel like my emotions and senses have been on overdrive for the past month. I can't even explain how I feel because I have never previous felt it. Its worry, doubt, fear, love, and hope all laced with urgency and a few other feelings I can't pinpoint at the moment. And at the same time, I feel like I am stuck in life and am just waiting (rather patiently, if you ask me) for something to happen. And I know what I'm waiting for and I can't do a darn thing about it. I just have to wait and see. And pray, always pray.
    I have set some new goals for myself to help me accomplish the big goals I have set (ie: spending at least 10 minutes a day organizing SOMETHING in my room, then it won't be as hard to clean when I have a little more time). I am also REALLY trusting in the Lord right now to help me out. I have put my entire heart and soul on the line and am praying that everything works out alright. I found it interesting when I was praying the other day that instead of helping me ignore or get rid of some of the things I am feeling; I was praying for the strength to endure them because honestly as draining and hard as they are to deal with, I don't want to lose one second of this experience. Its hard and parts of it I absolutely hate, but I know its the path that my Father is asking me to take and if I trust in Him, then I know that my Savior will be right there by my side the whole time, and if I end up heartbroken and alone then I know that my Brother will be right there with an arm around my shoulders to help me back up and take that first step into a new horizon.
    I didn't really think much would change after my accident. I thought that the blessing I got was talking about a distant future, but its been 2 months and already EVERYTHING is starting to change. I am taking a look at life in an entirely new way and there are so many things I am noticing for the  first time, it seems like. I am seeing people in a new way, I am finding opportunities I never noticed before.
    One thing I know for certain is that everything we experience in life is for a reason, and for our benefit. I am amazed how much I have taken for granted, how much I just didn't see or realize. Its truly amazing how much the Lord cares about each of us.

"Happiness is just outside my window. I thought it'd crash blowing eighty miles an hour, but happiness is a little more like knocking on your door, you just let it in. Happiness feels a lot like sorrow, let it be, you can't make it come or go..."-Happiness by The Fray

So, the last little bit has been very interesting for me. I feel like I have been in completely foreign territory as far as my emotions have gone. Some time ago a friend confided in me some struggles they were having. It was no new information, in fact it was information I had either gathered on my own or things my friend had told me previously. But when we talked, and they actually talked to me about it, everything changed. Suddenly this friend, lets call them Jordan, was constantly on my mind. My heart ached for Jordan to come back, to see the world as I do but I realize that I can not make people see my testimony or the world as I see it.
    I have learned that we can not take things for granted, especially relationships with others. I feel like I have not told Jordan enough how much our friendship has meant to me in my life. I am always being told how I am such a good friend, how I'm always there for others...but have I let Jordan know how much their friendship has meant to me? And to be perfectly honest, I haven't. I have never told Jordan how much I have needed them in my life.
    The Lord is constantly there with me showing me so much. My journal is being filled with so many neat and very personal spiritual experiences lately. I know that we truly have a Heavenly Father, that knows and loves each and every one of us. I know that He is mindful of our situations and that he guides through our struggles. If you don't think he is there for you, then I beg you to please try and find Him. Get to know Him. He is always there, always wanting us to draw near unto Him. No struggle is so great, no sin is too terrible to keep us from the outstretched hands of our loving brother who wants to much to come to our aid in our time of need. We just have to let him in.
     So, I leave the challenge to each of you: Have you told those that are really most important in your life how much they mean to you? I mean I know that we have busy lives and we hope that those that are important know how much they mean to us...but how often do we verbalize it? How often do we tell those we love that we love them? That we appreciate all they do for us? The time is now, my friends. The time is now.

Time, time, time

It seems to me like I never have enough time. For example, it is 12:57 AM, and I need to be to work by 8:00 AM. Yeah, I know I need to be in bed right now, but my mind is still going at like a billion miles an hour.
    I decided to take a semester off and just focus on working and writing. I need to get my life more organized, and staying up this late isn't helping me at all. So, I have set a few goals for myself to better organize my time and my life in general.I'm tired of being all over the place and late to everything because I'm just not organized. In general I like living in the moment, not really having a plan, just going with the flow...but with two jobs and a calling at church that requires my time, I kind of have to put my tendencies aside and really trust in the Lord that He will guide me.
     I was so organized on my mission, and I really enjoyed it. Then I came home and I don't know what happened, but I haven't seen the carpet in my room most of the time I have been home. I don't like having a messy room, but it just sort of happened...and now its driving me insane and I hate spending time in my room, which is generally my haven. That's first thing on my list: Organize my room. The main problem is I have the smallest room in the house (which I don't really understand since I am the only kid living at home...) and more stuff than adequately fits in that room. My mom always tells me just to get rid of stuff, which is a problem when I have tons of scrapbook stuff that I would rather use than just throw away. Yeah, I am just going to go through everything and try and simplify my life. It will be a good thing.
     I have been in the mood to watch Pride and Prejudice lately and just haven't done it yet. I don't know which version I really want to watch...I think I'm kind of leaning towards the latest 2 hour version as opposed to the 5 hour BBC version. You kind of have to commit a lot of time to that one, which is something I don't really have right now. Especially since I am finally getting around to reading books I got for Christmas a year ago. My best friend gave me a book and I know he was slightly dissapointed that I never got past like the first chapter. Its not that I don't want to read it, because I do want to read it...I just haven't had a lot of time to lately. But that changes today. I will schedule some time to read. I will schedule time to organize my room. I will schedule time to play on Facebook for 30 minutes, and not more than that. I will schedule more time to blog about me super awesome amazing life...ha ha ha!!!