A moment of gratitude

I talk about my feelings sometimes. BUT, most of the time I try to keep them to myself. You know, the ones that hurt, the ones that are hard to deal with. I don't like people to know how weak I really am. I don't like people to think I can't do things on my own. So, I joke and I pretend that I'm all right when sometimes I am really falling apart inside. Last week I had a few of those days. It wasn't any one thing in particular, and I know that some people reading this will be surprised because they saw me last week and everything was fine. For the most part it was fine, and I have an AMAZING family that I love dearly. They make hard days better. They help me through difficult days just by being in my life. I really couldn't ask for a better family than the one that I have. Any way, I was with some friends on Saturday night and we were having so much fun and I had put the stresses and concerns and overwhelming fears that had been plaguing me all week to the back of my mind. I was there to have fun. Liam had said he was coming when he got off work and so I sent him a text to see if he was still planning on coming. I didn't think much of it because he isn't very quick on responding. We all had a great time and at around midnight everyone went home I talked to my friend that was hosting the party and while I was talking to her Liam responded. He'd been unable to text me back all night and finally had a moment to. He'd forgotten about the party (which really isn't a surprise...he's kind of forgetful). I have to explain something about Liam, he's one of those people that has to get the last text in. No matter what I text him, he will always ALWAYS text me back. So, I told him not to worry about feeling bad (because he mentioned how sorry he was) and figured we were done, but he text me back and so we kept talking and he asked me how my Thanksgiving was. I told him it was fun, but the week had been really emotionally stressful and I was glad it was over. I have no idea why I told him this. I'm still a little baffled by my complete honesty with him. ESPECIALLY because he's a fixer. He wants to fix things when he knows/thinks something is wrong. And I just gave him the perfect opening to an "are you okay? What can I do to help" text, which I promptly did receive. I told him I would be fine and that I would be much better in two weeks (when finals are done and I am free for a few weeks!!). He asked if I was sure, and I said that I was. Then, Sunday came and although I saw him at church, I didn't get to talk to him until after church. We were talking with a group of mutual friends and I figured he'd forgotten about the texts I'd sent the previous night, but when he left he gave everyone a high five, and after high fiving me, he then gave me a hug and asked if there was anything at all he could do for me. I almost started crying...which has been happening a lot lately. Any way, I told him I would be fine and I could tell he wasn't convinced, but we both went home. Fast forward to ward prayer. I'm in charge of ward prayer with one of my friends. We have a lot of fun together, and she and I were talking when Liam came up. He was leaving and wanted to say goodbye. We walked outside and stood there talking to him for a few minutes. A few other people came out and joined an when he left he again gave everyone high fives and then gave me a hug again. This time he told me everything would work out and I'd be fine and to trust in the Lord. After he left, my friend and I were talking and she mentioned that a few people had commented to her how they wish they had a friendship with Liam like I do. I have known for a while that he and I were good friends, but I didn't realize it was that noticeable to those around us. I am so grateful for Liam. He has been such a great and amazing friend. He has reminded me time and time again that there are great guys out there. They do exist and I need to be patient and wait for my amazing guy to show up in my own life. He has been hope when I've had none. He has become one of my best friends, which is hilarious because I have been more brutally honest with him than I have ever been with any other guy. And at the end of the day, I know that if I ever did need something, I really could call Liam and he'd be there to help me. And for that, I am eternally grateful. We all need friends we can count on.

Does anybody read this anymore?

I have no idea if people still read this blog. I've been horrible at writing, and for that I apologize. BUT, I recently discovered this author. Her name is Jenni James. She's actually a friend of a friend and her books are pretty fantastic. I have several copies of many of them. Any way, she's got another book coming out in her Jane Austen series, Emmalee, and since she spelled Emmalee's name the same as my fake British assistant, I couldn't help but LOVE the snippet I have read of it. Here is a link to her blog that has a give away for Emmalee. You should go enter...actually, don't because I want to win. ha ha ha.

...and for your reading pleasure...

I know its been a while since I posted...November...what can I say? Its always a rough month! Any way, I had this idea for a story a while back and have been playing with it. In the first chapter the main character, Emmalee, meets this intriguing guy named Ian. Here is what she first sees: I had never seen anyone quite like him. There was an air about him that pulled me in. He was charismatic without speaking. He was twenty feet away and I couldn't comprehend anything beyond this moment. He was tall, at least 6' 2". He had sandy blonde hair that was organized chaos. His green eyes caught every fleck of light which made them shine so brightly. The only thing that could have been brighter was his smile. It was a knowing, teasing smile that was like a magnet. His clothing was well fitted. From his white with a blue pin stripe running down it to his well tailored khakis. He had rolled up the long sleeves of his shirt which I generally would have scoffed at, but he made it look so good. On his right hand he wore a ring. At first it looked simple, but I noticed it was catching each fleck of light around as his hand moved. It had the strangest effect on me; I wanted to see it more closely. His watch also caught the same light from his left wrist. It's definitely a work in progress, but hopefully you caught a glimpse of him. I love Ian. He's so awesome. He's got so much mystery about him that you're always wanting to know more and more about him, but he won't tell you. It's a secret. And Emmalee is a dancer. A really really good dancer. She does ballet. She's ridiculously good at it. And then she meets Ian and her whole world changes. I've got a working title of "Lights" for it. And I love it. I'm also gradually putting together a playlist that I listen to while writing it. I'll share it with you soon! Any way, I have 3 8-10 page papers due by next week, so you probably won't hear from me until Christmas and I will tell you a story! A real story from my actual real life!! YAY!!!!