This is What Happens When You Graduate College

'''''I have been binge watching shows. I have been writing like a mad woman. I haven't left my room in days, other than to go to my job. I curled my hair the other day just to do something different. This is the life of a college graduate. I applied for jobs in New York, Chicago, Miami, Fort Collins and Salt Lake City. I don't actually think I'll get the one in New York, Chicago or Miami, but you never know unless you try, right? Those three are all writing jobs with magazines for entertainment and music stuff. Which would be fun. I would love it. But my real goal is screenwriting. Doesn't it just sound pretty? Screen-writing. scree-n-writing. scree-nwriting. Any way you say it, it sounds fun. And exciting.

I am an 80 year old woman. I think I've hit spinsterhood. Because when I watch movies and stuff, I totally embroider and do hand stitching and stuff. All I need is a few cats and I'm set for all eternity. But not really because I actually just really enjoy needlework. It's becoming a lost art.

I also rewatched some of The Lizzie Bennett Diaries. Have you guys watched them? There's 100 episodes on YouTube, they are 5-6 minutes a piece. Here's the first on just in case you haven't seen them:


I feel like this is now the story of my life, except my mom is not crazy. Nor is she trying to marry me off to some rich dude. But, I am a college graduate that is not married. And I live in Utah. People tend to worry about my chances of ever getting married. Because I'm single. And 30. SCARY. I think people worry that I'm not worried about it. But, it'll happen exactly as it's supposed to.

Um. I wrote something. It's probably awful, but I thought I'd share it any way. Here you go.

It's not that I couldn't tell him what I was thinking, it's more that I didn't want him to over think what I was already over thinking and thus perpetuate the cycle further. So, instead, I watched him walk away. The love of my life. My best friend. The only one that really understood me. I just stood there and watched. I didn't move an inch. In the rain. I left my jacket in the house. I hadn't expected him to just come in like that. And when he talked to me, I couldn't think clearly. I was so distracted by the sound of his voice that I couldn't hear his words. The fire in his eyes was so fierce I saw nothing else. He was upset, I think. And then he left as abruptly as he came. I ran after him. I needed to know what he said.

“Wait!” He stopped at the sound of my voice and turned around.

“I'm tired of waiting. All this time you knew and you never did or said anything.” His words were truth and I heard them now. A stabbing guilty pain settled in my stomach. I knew it wasn't going away anytime soon. He was right. I had known for months that he loved me and I avoided him because of it. Foolishly avoided him thinking it was for the best.

“It's better this way.” I said. Stupid stupid girl that I was. He walked over to me, grabbed my face and kissed me so fiercely that I think I stopped breathing. I had never kissed anyone before, but somehow my lips knew just what to do. My hands found their way to his side and I held close to him.

When he pulled away, he looked at me. Rain dripping down his face and off his eyelashes. He was looking at me different, now. And not in a good way.

“You're right.” He said and let go of my face. As he turned to walk away, I wanted to call out, but couldn't. Instead, I just watched him walk away. And he didn't turn back. He never turned back. And I stood there. Alone. In the rain. Unsure of what to do next. Knowing we'd never be the same.

And then, here's another snippet from a different (maybe) story. It's going to be a series that is pretty much written like a sitcom. Each chapter is an episode and each book is a season, if that makes sense. My goal is to publish it and then actually make it into a TV show. That would be awesome. Any way, here's another snippet for you:

The walls of apartment 314 were old. They were white-ish with many small holes from push pins and nails being shoved through them. If the walls could talk, they would tell you about the many pictures and frames that were placed upon them to invite people into the room. If the floors could talk, they would tell you about 2 a.m. Dance parties and stolen kisses from new found love. If the ceiling could talk, it would tell you about the slumber parties in the living room and Chopped marathons. If you could watch time pass, you'd see lives grow and change. You'd see girls become woman. You would find sisterhood.

Fall semester was supposed to start like any other. It was a new school year and a new group of girls were moving in. None of them knew each other, which was a first for this apartment. It hadn't been bare for many years and the landlord finally had a chance to update the apartment. A fresh coat of paint on the walls and new carpet and furniture were brought in just in time for the unsuspecting tenants to move in just before school started. Isabella was the first. She seemed very quiet and reserved as she unlocked the door and pushed open the brown door that still had tape stuck to it from flyers that had long since been taken down. She glanced around and took a deep breath in. Smelling the new paint she smiled a little to herself.

“I was right, they did redo this one before I moved in.” She said to an unseen friend behind her. As she enters, so does the friend. He is tall and almost has to duck to enter the doorway. He looks around, unimpressed and sets the three boxes he is carrying down in front of him. Isabella walks through the living room to the balcony that overlooks the parking lot. She opens the door and steps outside.

“You can see everything from here. I love it. I love this place. Come look, Jace!” Jason still seems unimpressed as he walks slowly over to the balcony and steps outside looking across the parking lot with her.

“Nice. It's great. You'll have so much fun here.” He speaks in almost a monotone. Isabella hits his arm with a playful expression.

“Come on, you'll love visiting me here!” she replies. She walks back inside and looks around the kitchen. It is completely empty and she smiles to herself as she opens cupboards and then closes them again. As she works her way down the row of cupboards, she notices the hallway leading to the rooms standing open. Light pours in from the three rooms into the hallway and she walks quickly towards them.

Um. I think that's all I have to say right now. It's late and I have no excuse for still being awake. I have no homework. I was applying for jobs, so I guess that's my excuse. With North and South playing in the background. Have you guys seen that mini series? Best four hours of your life. Then you, too, can fall in love with Richard Crispin Armitage. I know I sure did. And still am. He's replaced Tom Hiddleston in my life. No one thought that would happen, but it did. And now, I am going to sleep. Peace.

Um...I didn't die, I promise

So, if anyone still reads this then let me apologize again for my lack of writing. It's not because I don't love you. Because I totally do. Mostly it's because I was trying really hard to graduate college while I was still 30. It's ridiculous, I know, but I just wanted to say I had graduated college by the time I was 30. 31 just sounds weirder. It's my OCD with numbers.

Um, so I did it. I graduated. I passed my last semester of classes and will walk in April as UVU only does one commencement a year. Go me! It's a huge accomplishment in my book. Nigh unto finishing my mission, which may sound ridiculous unless you've been there. A few years ago I felt like I hadn't really accomplished anything with my life and now I can say that I served a mission and graduated college. My parents would also like to see me add "got married and had kids" to my list of accomplishments, but these things take time.

I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but after years and years of really awesome self doubt and frustration with Heavenly Father about how my life was playing out, I am actually really cool with being single. Does it still suck living in Utah County where I am pretty much an old maid? Yeah, it kind of does. Mostly because there are no prospects here. There are LOTS of single guys, but none that I can ever see myself dating let alone marrying. They are also, on average, around seven or eight years younger than me. And I'm not really the cougar type. SO, waiting it is. I worked out a deal with my Heavenly Father that I think will work out great for all involved. And, you know what? I'm actually pretty excited about it. I feel like I took a really really long time getting to this place in my life where I finally see things  in a much broader perspective. And I'm willing to wait a little longer for things that will be better in my life. Guys, this is going to be my year. I can feel it. I've got so much coming my way and I can't wait to see all my hard work and plans come full circle.

Any way, if any of you are still reading this, just let me know. If not, I don't know. I'll probably just start adding poems that I wrote and stuff.

BTW, I got a poem published. That was cool.

In short-it was a much needed miracle

There once was a girl named Soozee. She was tall. Like really tall. (funny story, someone commented on my height the other day and I face them a heartfelt thank you... As if I had spent years working so hard on becoming so tall!). She was beloved by many of her neices and nephews so long as her cool single older brother didn't come around with his magical car that doesn't not require keys.  If he was around, she was definitely NOT the favorite, but still loved.
On a particularly trying day around Thanksgiving, our heroine stopped by her older brothers house. The two boys came running over to her poor little car that runs on gasoline, a heavy dose of faith and a few miracles. The youngest of the two jumped right onto her arms and gave her a big hug. This was not a common occurrence, so Soozee gave him a hug back and thanked him before he jumped down and ran away to play.
Soozee hid the tear of joy she felt creeping from the corner of her eye as she walked in to the house. The little boy probably had no idea how much she needed that hug that day, but it kept her world from falling apart for at least a few minutes.

I'm NOT dead!!!

I thought I wrote a post or two this summer. Apparently I did not. Sorry about that. I feel like I write so infrequently that people have probably given up on me by now. To anyone still reading, thank you! You are truly a gem!

So, what's new with me? I started school again. This is the beginning of the end. It's kind of really scary. I moved home to save money, and have been writing up a storm. A lot of what I've been writing is really terrible, but has a lot of potential. This is the part of writing I dislike. The writing things out knowing that you're going to have to go back and rewrite it again. I know that in the end I'll be so happy with the result, but right now it's just hard to think about. All the work. All the edits. All the criticism. I try to not think about them and focus on the exciting beginning parts.

I wrote three stories on Thursday. In all three stories, someone dies. Apparently I am a killer, fictionally speaking.

I started a story about a girl who knows that she's unique and different than anyone else but has to hide who she is for a time because no one would understand who she is or how amazing she is. She's got super powers (because why not?!) and she meets a boy that looks like superman and they become friends. This is funny because she's the one with the super powers. ha ha. Here, I'll share a little bit of the story with you. It's a Flash Fiction piece, and it's a very very rough draft, but I hope you like it:

I was five. It was a Tuesday. Dad had just taken me to the comic book store. The newest Captain America comic had come out, so obviously I needed it. Mom never understood. Tuesdays were not her favorite days.

Dad's funeral was on a Tuesday. I remember because Mom took me to the comic book store after. I think she was trying to take my mind off of him dying, but she didn't realize that the whole trip permanently associated Tuesdays with Dad's funeral. She was a mess. Couldn't stop crying. No one could blame her. A widow at twenty eight with a freak for a daughter.

I was never like the other kids. Dad got that, Mom struggled. She always wanted the pretty little princess of a girl. I have always preferred comic books to fairy tales. This is really when my love for Tuesdays began. See, kids picked on me at school so the first Tuesday of my second grade year, Dad took me to the comic book store. Superman, Batman, Iron Man, all of them were there. I seemed to understand them, and they me. I drank them in like water on a hot day.

I grew up alone. Kind of like Spiderman; except without the radioactive spider bite. I was more like Superman in that I came by my “abilities” from birth.

My dad always told me that I was born with open eyes so I could take in everything. I still miss him sometimes. It's an odd sensation-missing someone. There's nothing you can do to see or hear from them again, and yet it's like they are just barely out of reach.

On this particular Tuesday, I was really missing Dad. I went to pick up the new Wolverine comic. Last weeks had been a cliffhanger and I was dying to know what happened. I walked in to the old store. It smelled like old books and cigarette smoke. A couple of kids played on the pinball machine. I saw Lenny, the owner.

“Hey kid. Come for the new one?” He sounded like he was from Brooklyn, which is funny because he grew up in Clevland.

“Yeah, you got it?” I asked, pretty sure of the answer.

“Is it Tuesday?” Was his response. Yes. It was Tuesday, most blessed of days. Lenny pulls it straight from the box and hands it to me. I hand over the cash with exact change. He counts it and laughs as he opens the register with a ding.

“I'll never understand how you do that.” He talks to me, but neither of us are actually paying attention to each other.

“It's a talent.” I say as an afterthought, completely engrossed in my new comic. I walk out the door without looking and run into something. My glasses go flying and I find myself sprawled on the ground, which has never happened to me before. I tend to be a little more on the Superman side in that aspect too.

“Hi, I'm Clark. I just moved here from Kansas.” He holds out his hand for me to shake. Is this guy for real?

“Hi, I'm Emi. I'm from here.” I say as I take his hand. We shake hands briefly and then he takes a step away to pick up my glasses. I put them back on, even though I don't need them and take him in. He's taller than me, has dark curl hair, I'm guessing his plaid shirt comes in several colors, and he probably owns them all. Before I get ahead of myself, I turn to him and say,

“So, Clark, how do you feel about Tuesdays?” A grin crosses his face.

“It's the best day of the week. Is that the new Wolverine comic?! I was just going to buy it!”

“Yes. And this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, Clark. I just know it.”

..... ...... .....so..... ........ .......what did you think? It's jumpy, timeline wise, but I have a hard time staying in one place. Especially when I'm working on LIGHTS, which I currently am. Ah LIGHTS. Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE that story? Time travel, attractive men, fighting, drama. *sigh* it's just so fantastic. I love it. 

I rewrote the beginning of LIGHTS and have added so much to the story. It is so much better than what I started with. The idea behind it is so much deeper and broader. Oh my gosh, I love it. SO. MUCH. 

I also have an idea in my head of who I would like to play both Ian and Donnavan in the movie (because it's totally going to happen). And here they are:

This guy, here, is who I see playing Donnavan. Dark hair, kind of mysterious, totally capable of being a completely devious character that is out to destroy all that is good and light. Yep. I have found my Donnavan. His real name is Jackson Hurst and he is from the TV show Drop Dead Diva, which is a favorite of mine. Total guilty pleasure show. The ironic thing is he plays a really nice decent human being on that show and I want him to be the villain. I think he can do it. 

And this guy over here is who I picture playing Ian. I actually met him last weekend at Comic Con, and it was further proof that I was right in wanting to cast him. He is a genuinely nice person in real life, which is always a plus. He's from the TV show Arrow as the main guy, Oliver Queen. His real name is Stephen Amell. 

And I know what you're thinking, But Sooz, WHAT ABOUT TOM?!?!?!?!?! It is indeed a very good question. But I can't cast Tom Hiddleston in all my movies. That would get boring. 

Well, I hope you have a fantastic week! Or month! Or however long it takes for me to write again!! 

Accomplished

There is a God in Israel, my friends. I PASSED MATH. Hallelujah!!!!! I can't believe it!!! I'm so happy!!! AND, I got A's in my screenwriting and English classes! Such a fantastic way to end the semester!

So, for Screenwriting we had to write a feature length work. I decided to make LIGHTS a movie. It was amazing and challenging at the same time. I turned it in to my teacher and got 4 single spaced pages of critique back. I have a lot of things to work on, but I am very excited for the challenge to make my story even better!! I'm so glad that I have this summer to focus on writing! It's the best!!!

TA-DA!!

I haven't written in a while, and I hope you all will forgive me. I am actually supposed to be working on Math homework right now, but I was just sooo excited to be finished! I can't believe it! It is finished. I have finally finished an entire story. I finished my screenplay today. All 110 pages of it. Done. Finished. Complete. Amazing. Ah, such a relief!!!! I am so proud of myself for FINALLY finishing an entire story! I still have edits to do. Oh, the edits. It is really cheesy right now because it's a rough draft. Such a rough draft, BUT, it is a finished draft. Oh my gosh. I can't believe I finished it!!! And now that I've accomplished one, I will work on others until they are all done and I'll tell all the stories!!! HOORAY!!!

Let's all be excited. Time to go watch the Late Night with Jimmy Fallon episodes I've missed because I'm doing homework. TA-DA!!! YAY!

New Movie Idea

So, I have to write a 15 minute movie for my screen writing class and I had this GENIUS idea. What if I wrote the first scene of LIGHTS into a movie? Wouldn't that be AMAZING?!?!?! And the answer, obviously, is YES. ABSOLUTELY. UNDOUBTABLY. YES. So, as soon as I finish it, I will post it on here for you to catch an early glimpse. Ta-da! Be excited. I know you can't wait! It's going to LEGEN-WAIT-FOR-IT-DARY!!!! LEGENDARY!!!