The Freaking Queen of Unrequited Love

Don't let the post title upset you, it's not quite as bad as you are probably thinking it is. I am doing good!!! Great, actually. But, seriously, I am the queen of unrequited love. It's kind of crazy. And now, you're thinking OH NO!!! What happened with DJ!?!?!?!?!!!! Well, let me tell you a little story....

So, once upon a time I went to a bonfire and DJ and I were flirting and having so much fun and it was a great night. The details have started to fade, but it was a great night. I was on cloud 9 at the end. And then, I saw him the following Monday and it was fun and there was more flirting. And then that Thursday something happened, and everything changed. I couldn't pin point exactly what it was, because there wasn't a single event that happened. And then, that Saturday night, I was talking to Liam. I had absolutely no intention of asking about DJ or anything like that, and then all at once I heard the words coming out of my mouth:

Soozee: So, Liam, you'd tell me if you had any information about DJ, right?
Liam: Ummmm......I somehow knew you were going to ask that...
Soozee: Not that I'm trying to put you in the middle or anything, but if you know anything I should know....
Liam: *silence, but he has that expression that says he has something to tell me*
Soozee: Liam, are you telling me I should walk away?
Liam: *silence*
Soozee: Are you telling me I should just walk away? Because if so, I need to know that....
Liam: *long pause* walk away.
Soozee: Okay, that's what I needed to know....does he want to be friends with me, or not even that?
Liam: Oh, he definitely wants to be friends.

And then the crazy emotional girl took over in my head and ran around like crazy for three days. Now, I am not the crying type of girl. For the next three days I cried. And was so emotionally a mess. It was crazy. I am not THAT girl, you know? Totally not. AND, I had been telling myself the whole time not to get attached. I barely even know DJ, and yet I am sobbing over the loss of a future I didn't even have. What the heck is wrong with me, you know???

So, the thought kept coming to me that the only way I was going to find any peace would be if I talked to DJ directly. And the thought of talking to him scared me to death. But, after two failed attempts I finally asked him if we could talk and he said he was close by my apartment, so I met him up on campus and we talked about some random stuff. I didn't know exactly how to bring up what Liam had said, I also didn't want to tell him what Liam had said because I did feel like I should try to be friends with him. SO, I said something to the affect that Liam had said something to me in regards to him (DJ) and that I knew that I needed to talk to DJfor the truth. Yes, I totally threw Liam under the bus. He's been acting kind of weird, so it could have been a legit concern; and honestly, it was a legit concern. DJ confirmed that we were friends and that he hoped he hadn't done anything that would cause me to think otherwise. I explained that he had always been nice to me (which he always has been-he hasn't always remembered to let me know if he was or was not coming to something, but he has never been mean), and that was what fueled my confusion.

It was a very good talk, and I finally found the peace I had been searching for all week. At the end of the conversation, DJ mentioned he had been dating this girl on again off again for a little while and the previous night he had taken her on a date and they had talked about taking their relationship to the next step. Now, whether that means he's getting engaged, or just has a serious girlfriend I don't know. But she told him she needed to think about it and went to the woods for the weekend. He is hopeful, and I hope the best for him. If she breaks his heart, I'll still be his friend and maybe there will be a chance. If she realizes how great he is and they get married or something, then good for him and I wish him every happiness. I don't feel like I should completely walk away yet. So, I have a great friend named DJ. And, this talk with him really kind of solidified our friendship; kind of taking Liam out of the mix, which really is a good thing. Not that I don't love Liam, he's a great guy. BUT, it is really better for me to be friends with Liam, and DJ independently of each other. Although, apparently Liam talks about me all the time to DJ. All good things, apparently, but yeah. That was interesting. DJ also mentioned in our chat that I am a very kind and loving person "which I know you've heard before. I know you probably hear that a lot, because that is who you are." I like that he has noticed who I am, and not just that I am incredibly awkward.

And, can I ask just one favor from all of you great readers? Can you not feel sad or sorry for me? I know that sounds odd, but after I talked to DJ I was actually really happy and at peace. Yeah, I think he's an amazing guy and I love talking to him and getting to know him better, but this is exactly where I'm supposed to be right now. I know that this is where I am supposed to be. I don't think I could be more heartbroken than I was last Sunday through Tuesday and I would have gladly taken any sympathy then, but after a lot of prayer and inner searching, I have found the peace I needed in my life right now.

Any way, that is the story. I feel so much better about the situation knowing all of the story. And yeah, it sucks that DJ is kind of or maybe is dating someone, but for whatever reason, we're supposed to be friends right now. I guess we'll see what it all means soon enough. But I really am fine. :)

And now, for your listening pleasure, the song that has been stuck in my head for 5 days now!!! For some reason, the song Mirrors by Justin Timberlake has been playing on repeat in my head and I can't get it out. Ale says it's Jesus talking to me through Justin Timberlake, but that is kind of debatable. I would post the music video, but it was weird, so I posted the lyrical music video which is better any way. Enjoy!!!

A new 10

Actually, it's a return to a previous 7 that has become a new 10. Do you remember this post??

 If not, there was a refresher for ya. So, I hadn't watched Chuck or Tangled for a long time, and my sister in law invited me over to watch a Hallmark hall of fame movie last weekend starring Alexis Bledel and Zachary Levi. And as we watched I remembered how much I really love Zachary Levi. 

    So, when I was finally done with finals this week Ale came by to bring me a post finals treat. I asked if she wanted to watch something, she said sure, I asked if we could watch Chuck because I haven't watched it in like a year or so and she said she'd try an episode. 

     One thing you have to understand is that Ale and I don't actually like a lot of the same TV Shows. There are a few we both like, but none that we both love. Until now. I got her hooked on Chuck (and who wouldn't be, really?) and Zachary Levi plays Chuck. And I love him. Just a little bit. He's my new 10. Except, he was already close to a 10, but now he's my 10. And do you know why? #1: He's attractive. #2: He's my favorite Disney prince *smolder*.

 and #3: He's a nerd. Not just on the show, but in real life. Zachary Levi is a nerd. YAY!! This is awesome because I have recently realized that I am in fact a nerd. Which takes him from the 7 I ranked him at last year, up to being my 10. That's right, move over Sam Worthington, Christian Bale, David Tennant, Josh Dallas, Adam Levine, Matt Smith, and all the other 10s. 

 Speaking of attractive guys, Ale convinced me to sign up for online dating. Let's talk more about awkward than attractive. Too bad there aren't any Zachary Levi-esq guys on there (at least not that I have seen). I have talked to a few guys, but nothing that is incredibly striking and awesome. I figure there is no harm in trying new things though, right? Liam has decided that he needs to meet any guys that want to meet me. I love how much my friends care about me. It's really awesome.  I don't know if anything will come of it, but hopefully it'll be fun.
   
     So, this semester is over. Thank goodness for that. This was a rough one and I'm glad it's over. Time to have a fantastic summer. I am going to be moving soon. A good friend of mine wants me to be room mates with her, which I think will be a good thing. I told Ale she's going to have to come hang out with me like all the time. And I'll be working on LIGHTS and Changing Tyde and I'll also be quilting and baking and loving my life!!!!

Ale

I have a friend. Well, I have a few friends, but this one in particular is a friend that feels she deserves a shout out on here because I've mentioned her a few times but never given her a name on my blog or anything. Let's call her ALE. or Ale. because I forget to all caps things sometimes. So, Ale is a very good friend and she knows a lot of other friends including Maddie and Tango and Tex and Digger and Liam and Logan. She never met AHG though. Any way, Ale is a really awesome friend who I let read this here blog. I claim temporary insanity because I actually go crazy when people read my writing in front of me. And with Ale as my witness, I was going crazy as she read. She really wanted to read the Digger saga (because I have decided it was a saga). She was friends with him too, and looking back, I was so blind to so many things and defended him when I should have just let him walk out of my life. However, if I hadn't been hurt by Digger, or if I hadn't gone through all of that then I wouldn't have been a jerk to Liam and he wouldn't have proven me wrong when I believed that all men are scum. I wouldn't have given Liam the chance to show me that some guys really are great.
    Moving away from Ale for a minute, I recently had a conversation with Liam about how we felt about each other. we're just good friends, and I am totally okay with that. He's a great guy, but not someone I really want to date right now. He asked Ale if he'd ever broken my heart, which I thought was sweet, but that is Liam. He's a really sweet guy. I told him that he had never broken my heart, which is true. I never gave it to him, really. I never gave him the chance to break it. But I am glad to have him in my life. He pushes me to be a better person and there is a level of mutual respect between us that I have never had with anyone else. Ale fights with him a lot, but if anyone ever says anything bad about him, she'll be the first one to knock you to the ground.
     I've got more to say, but I'm kind of tired, so I'll write more soon, I promise!!!