Realization

So...this month has been FREAKING me out. I have been so nervous/anxious/worried about November for a couple of months now. For references about why I am so anxious about November, check here, or here, or here....yeah, just a peachy time for me! I realize the month isn't over, and that really I'm just half way through it, but I came to this realization today that I felt I wanted to share. Actually, its been a long time coming...about a year. Last year after my accident, when I said it was a new horizon, I had NO IDEA how true that statement was. Within the first six months of this year I switched wards, was determined to make new friends, got new friends that told everyone else how amazing I am and then got even more friends, got a new calling, went back to school, and have focused each day on being a little more positive.
     Don't get me wrong, its been a tough year, but it has also been so rewarding. I used to let people use me. I used to always be the instigator in friendships, I used to care so much about what other people thought of me. I used to have no self esteem. The list could go on and on and on, but that's not what is important. What is important is who I am now.
      Did you know that I am an amazing person? I don't say that to be arrogant or prideful, but its something I have just discovered. I am a really good cook. I am very creative. I can create amazing things that people stare at in awe. I have never had this happen until recently. I don't look in the mirror and hate what I see anymore. I see a strong independent woman that had goals and ambitions for life. I see a woman who doesn't wait for a friend to invite her to go do something knowing full well they never will. I refuse to be the instigator in a friendship. If you don't want to invite me to go do stuff from time to time, then I don't have time for you either. I don't think this is asking too much. A couple of weeks ago I was contemplating a few friendships that I wasn't sure about. I was frustrated, and didn't feel like these "friends" of mine actually cared about me. So, I did a little test. I deleted them out of my phone and off of facebook just to see how long it would take for them to notice that I had taken a step back completely. And you know what...none of them have noticed. And I haven't wasted my time and talents on friends that say they care, but don't actually do anything to prove it. Do I sound mean and harsh? I'm not trying to be, I have just realized that I am worth so much more than I have previously given myself credit for.
      I have let Satan into my mind far too often. I have listened too many times when he has told me that I am worthless and a loser. I am neither worthless or a loser and I know that now. I know who I am, and I deserve so much more than I thought I could settle for. I have put all my trust in my Heavenly Father, and He has never let me down. I have given Him my heart, and it hasn't been broken since. I know that He will guide me to where I need to be. I am so grateful for Him, and for His gospel. It is true, and amazing, and I love it!