Life Changing Decisions

Okay, so its really only one life changing decision, and I kind of already made it, I just wasn't sure for sure, for sure until Wednesday when I made the decision. So, I've been going to school for a while, right? Right. And, I was never really feeling like I was going anywhere with it until this week. In order to register for this semester (which started this last Wednesday) I had to talk to an academic adviser and declare a major. I thought I had declared English as my major like 3 times now...but alas, it apparently never stuck in their system. I tried and tried to get a hold of whoever I needed to to register before classes actually started, but that never happened. Thus, on the day classes started, I wasn't registered yet. I ended up (after a really very strange string of events) talking to an academic adviser over.....wait for it.....wait for it.......English Education!!! HOORAY!!! I'm going to teach annoying punk teenagers about literature and grammar, and all that fun stuff! Can you tell I'm excited? Maybe I'm not super excited yet, but teenagers just annoy me...its something I will have to get over. Then, on Friday I got all registered for this semester and ordered one of my books online. I feel really great about this decision, and about this semester. So far, 2011 has been pretty amazing! I have been feeling like great things are in store for me and I am looking forward with hope. When talking to said councelor, I found out I'm about 75% done with my Associates degree! That was a shocker for me. I thought I was forever away from it, but I'm not!
    Because I know that you are all dying to hear a complete update on my life, and because I haven't talked about guys in a really long time...I will update you. A while ago...maybe a month or two (I actually don't remember) this new guy moved into the ward. Lets call him Digger, for the sake of the story. Any way, I met Digger very very briefly his first Sunday in my ward because I meet everyone that comes to the ward. Its just how I roll...and I go to a "new member meeting" because I'm in the RS Presidency. Any way, Digger was new and I remember thinking that he seemed like a cool guy and I should get to know him better. Time passed and I didn't get to know Digger until recently. The more I get to know him, the more I like him. He seems like a great guy. Downfalls, though, are that he is shorter than me by about 3 or 4 inches. Not too bad, but still, its slightly noticeable
     Its funny, well not actually funny, maybe interesting? any way, I mentioned to a "good friend" in my ward that I kind of liked Digger, had a little bit of a crush on him. She mentioned that she really wasn't interested in him. Imagine, then, my surprise when the next time we are hanging out with Digger, she is practically throwing herself at him. Yay. This is my life, my friends. This happens to me all the time. You'd think I'd not hang out with people like this, but apparently I attract them. I always seem to find the friends like to hurt me. And I wonder why I have trust issues? Hmmm....strange, I know.
     Any way, Digger is becoming a good friend. I just hope he doesn't end up being a loser, idiot, or jerk like most guys I meet. He always comes and talks to me whenever I see him. He remembers all of our conversations. I don't know what to think of him, though. I think part of it is that I am just waiting for him to become a loser, idiot, or jerk. I don't want to let him into my life if he's going to end up hurting me (as most guys do, whether consciously or not). I'm just tired of the whole game. Its so annoying, and I am so sick of all the constant DRAMA. Its times like this that I wish I could go back to being a hermit. Being alone isn't entirely bad, you never get hurt that way.
     I feel like I am teetering on the edge of a cliff, and I'm trying to stay perfectly balanced on that edge. I feel like I have to come across as one type of person when I'm around certain people, but there are few people with whom I feel I can truly just be myself. Its frustrating and hard. I hate it. That should be on my list of things to change this year. I should just be myself. It has taken me 25 years to realize that I am a pretty great person, that I have so much to offer. I'm not saying this to be arrogant, but I have so much to offer, and I sell myself short ALL THE TIME. I need to do better at seeing myself the way my Heavenly Father sees me...if I could see myself that way, I might not be so quick to sell myself short. Its a never ending battle, isn't it. Something I think we all struggle with.
    Any way, enough of my ramblings and ventings! Thanks for listening, and I hope you all have a fantastic week! If anything new develops, I'll let you know!