I know, I know, I always say I'll update, and then I never do. Please forgive the full time working college student who is trying to pass all her classes (which I did, by the way. All A's and B's for me!!!!). However, I've had a lot on my mind and finally have a second to sit down and write it all out.
So, last Sunday I met up with an old friend that I don't get to see very often. We met up in Salt Lake and decided to go walk around temple square. It was the afternoon, so the lights weren't on, but it was still so beautiful. We hadn't talked in a while, so it was nice to catch on things. We ended up sitting down on the curb looking across the walk way to the reflection pond and up to the temple. It was so peaceful. I thought I was doing really fantastic and was having a fun time when my friend asked me what was wrong, "Suzy, I know you, and you're not fine. What's going on? You can talk to me..." A true friend is someone who recognizes how much you're hiding from everyone, even yourself. I had been trying so hard to hide how I have really been feeling from everyone that I got so used to convincing myself that everything was okay...but it wasn't.
See, here's what's been going on. I am trying to be a social person. I like being social, its a lot of fun. I have made a bunch of new friends who, at first, were great. But, the more I got to know them, the less I felt like they were going to be great friends for me. I have a really bad habit of letting people walk all over me. I know I shouldn't let them...I'm just too nice.Also, I always see the potential people have for being good. I always see who they could be. The trick with that is that I tend to hold them to a higher standard, and sometimes they don't hold themselves to that same standard and it ends up badly for everyone...but mostly for me because I'm the one with the super high expectations....back to the story. So, I have some new friends and at first it was great, but now I don't feel like they are as great of friends as I once thought they were. In fact, I have a hard time hanging out with them because I just feel kind of negative. I was explaining this on Sunday and my true friend was telling me that I was ok, that everything would work out for the best. And that's when I remembered why this friend had become such a great friend to me. Because they cared. Because they wanted what was best for me. Because they had taken the time to get to know me; to know me so well that even when I was trying to lie to myself, they saw through it. That is a true friend. That is the kind of friends I need in my life. That is exactly what I am looking for.
It has taken me 25 years to feel like I am worth more than I have allowed others to tell me I am worth. I am an amazing person, and I don't mean that arrogantly by any means. I am talented, I am strong, I am amazing. I have a strong testimony of the gospel. I have a great family. I have so much to offer people, and I shouldn't put up with the crap others try to hand me.
It was just fantastic. And when I left Salt Lake, I came home to hang out with some people from my ward. It was a lot of fun, and I have recently met a new guy and the whole time I was there, I kept wondering if he was as genuine as he appears to be. I hope he can be a good friend to me, because heaven knows I need them!
AND PS: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!
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