A Weight Being Lifted

So, I don't know if you noticed from my apparently "cryptic" posts previously, but I've been going through some interesting times lately. I really can't go into specifics, not just because I don't want to talk about who they are generally involving, but also because there literally aren't actual words to describe what I am feeling.
   I go through phases of hating life, to tolerating it, to almost loving it. I'm one of those people that thinks that if just "such and such" would happen, then I will be perfectly happy and life will be amazing. However, "such and such" never really happens, and even if it did, I don't think I would be perfectly happy. There are always ups and downs.
    However, about a week ago all of this crap that had been on my mind started to ease and although I am not free of the worry and fear that I was facing, it is much more at ease and I have a much better grip on reality, and my life in general. It is such a good feeling to feel the hand of the Lord on your shoulder telling you to calm down, that He is in control and all that He asks of you is to do your best. He isn't asking for miracles to be performed on our own, but He is willing to help us make miracles happen. I just pray for them when I need them most.
     I have been trying my best to be as close to the Lord as I can lately, and although I have my days when I am sure He just shakes His head at me, I feel a lot closer to Him. That was one thing I struggled with when I came home from my mission...I didn't feel as close to my Savior as I did out on the mission. Which is bound to happen since I was no longer worrying and focusing on others, I was now focusing on myself. I still feel like I am adjusting at times, and I will probably feel like this the rest of my life. Trying to find the balance.
   I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense at all, its just me rambling on and on and on....

PS: Nat, you would be proud of my organization efforts in my room. Pictures to follow soon!!