"Every long lost dream led me to where you are.
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars.
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true:
that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you"
that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you"
-Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts
I feel like my emotions and senses have been on overdrive for the past month. I can't even explain how I feel because I have never previous felt it. Its worry, doubt, fear, love, and hope all laced with urgency and a few other feelings I can't pinpoint at the moment. And at the same time, I feel like I am stuck in life and am just waiting (rather patiently, if you ask me) for something to happen. And I know what I'm waiting for and I can't do a darn thing about it. I just have to wait and see. And pray, always pray.
I have set some new goals for myself to help me accomplish the big goals I have set (ie: spending at least 10 minutes a day organizing SOMETHING in my room, then it won't be as hard to clean when I have a little more time). I am also REALLY trusting in the Lord right now to help me out. I have put my entire heart and soul on the line and am praying that everything works out alright. I found it interesting when I was praying the other day that instead of helping me ignore or get rid of some of the things I am feeling; I was praying for the strength to endure them because honestly as draining and hard as they are to deal with, I don't want to lose one second of this experience. Its hard and parts of it I absolutely hate, but I know its the path that my Father is asking me to take and if I trust in Him, then I know that my Savior will be right there by my side the whole time, and if I end up heartbroken and alone then I know that my Brother will be right there with an arm around my shoulders to help me back up and take that first step into a new horizon.
I didn't really think much would change after my accident. I thought that the blessing I got was talking about a distant future, but its been 2 months and already EVERYTHING is starting to change. I am taking a look at life in an entirely new way and there are so many things I am noticing for the first time, it seems like. I am seeing people in a new way, I am finding opportunities I never noticed before.
One thing I know for certain is that everything we experience in life is for a reason, and for our benefit. I am amazed how much I have taken for granted, how much I just didn't see or realize. Its truly amazing how much the Lord cares about each of us.
I am not a country music lover, but I love the message in that song. I got my heart broken A LOT before I met Ben. Sometimes it felt like more than I could bear. You are a very spiritually mature woman, to be grateful for your trials, and to ask for endurance, rather than taking them away. Not many people are like that. You are a good example and a good person.
ReplyDeleteI know the emotional rollar coaster, I think there are certain phases in life where we all hit it and the emotions exhaust us to a point where we don't want to feel any longer. We all go through it. I know you'll make it! :)
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